- 5 years ago
- Wedding: October 2013
So, I’ve written about this friend of mine before on these boards — and I’m still conflicted about my feelings about our friendship (or whatever it may be these days). I can’t determine whether or not I just don’t like her anymore — or if it’s that I’m just jealous of her. I can’t talk to my husband about this, as he doesn’t always understand how women feel. Also, there are pockets of time when I have no issues with her and have an enjoyable time.
Said friend was a co-matron-of-honor in my wedding, and also happens to be a colleague of mine. I’ve found that in recent months, things about her have begun to irritate me, like how she monopolizes our conversations, tends to mimic things that my husband and I like to do, and can have a tendency to be phony at work. I’ve distanced myself quite a bit from her, which I imagine she’d be stupid not to notice — but I think she thinks that I’m just super busy at work (which, by the way, is true — I am busy).
Yesterday, on a Facebook invitation for a mutual friend’s birthday weekend in Montreal, I mentioned how I’m maxing out my vacation time for the year with our 12-night honeymoon cruise in the Mediterranean and that I would be a ‘maybe’ for going to Montreal, and my friend chimes in with how vacation time won’t be maxed for her, but money may be since she and her husband are thinking about planning a vacation later this year in Napa, CA. When I saw that, the ugly green monster reared its head because touring wineries in CA has been a bucket list trip for my husband and I and we are even wine collectors, yet she and her husband hardly even drink it. So I let jealousy take over and said something to the effect of “I wasn’t aware that you two are into touring wineries — that’s been a bucket list trip of ours.” I hated myself after posting that — especially this morning, as she halfway called me out on it and said that they’re not going to do it now. Now I feel like an asshole. Great. But it’s likely because I am one.
I also got somewhat jealous when she and her husband went to a Bruins (hockey) game late last year, and my husband and I are avid Bruins fans. We go to a game once per season and sit in primo seats. However, we won’t be going to one this season because we’re ensuring that we have a generous amount of spending money for our honeymoon. Granted they didn’t go to a good game, as it was one where they played the worst team in the league (at the time), but I was still jealous and annoyed. Ugh.
I’m also jealous because she can relate better to people at work than I can and speak more intelligently about processes we all use. Re: she’s more of a leader, whereas I’m more of a follower/doer. I’m okay with that fact, but I feel like others think I’m dumb at times by comparison.
What is wrong with me? Why can’t I just be happy with who I am and all that my husband and I have? And she is the only person about whom I feel this way — I don’t have these feelings of jealousy with other friends.
(By the way, I’m fully expecting to get flamed on this, but I had to get my feelings out.)