- Mrs. Harmony
- 7 years ago
Argh, it’s so frustrating. SO has this “to do” list he absolutely HAS to complete before he can propose. To name a few:
1. Get some more college under his belt. He’s going for his master’s and wants to have 1-2 more classes over with, to make sure he can handle a wife, stepson (my child) school, and work.
2. Establish better credit (he has only had one card in his life and rarely uses it)
3. Allow the news to “sink in” to his parents. They don’t like me and wigged out at the thought of him choosing to spend forever with me.
4. Pay off medical bills. Totally reasonable, understandable, and I offered to help. I just got promoted and have minimal expenses. Plus it’s only a couple of thousand and together we make over 90K a year.
5. Save $10,000. WTH? Why? We already have a ring. He just needs to have it re-sized and replated. I’m all in favor of saving money, but can’t we save together after he proposes? I have a savings account, I could just add his name to mine after we are engaged. He could check that off his list just by proposing!
6. Grow his hair back. He just finished chemotherapy and is back at work, but has to wear a hat every day. I totally understand this. He wants to look healthy and gain back some weight before he sweeps me off my feet!
7. Live together for a couple of months. This one gets me the most. I don’t want to move my son out of my current place and still be in “waiting” mode. SO thinks that living together is a natural step before an engagement can take place.
I totally get that men have to be established and all that. Well, maybe I don’t. We both have good jobs. I am very established and he has a job in the hospital with great benefits. How “established” does one need to be? I am 33, he is 29. We’ve been together 10 months. Not that long, but I am also not expecting ring tomorrow. His cancer has made him infertile and we would need IVF with his banked sperm to have a child. We can’t get that going until I am on his insurance. That can’t happen until we are married!
So upon hearing all this, I asked him how long a proposal would be. He said probably a year. Holy crap. I will be 34 and IVF success rates drop after age 35. He said it’s okay to wait because I won’t be 35, I’ll be 34. I stated that 35 is the average, and my body may still not be able to conceive. He said a year won’t matter that much. I left it alone and said that we should be prepared to not succeed. We are adopting anyway, whether IVF works or not, so we will definitely have kids together. I just wanted to vent that waiting a year seems unnecessary. I was hoping to not be waiting for a proposal past this summer.