(Closed) Vent: Why do people think they have a say in YOUR wedding?

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
11752 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@allyfally:  I hear ya hun. I quickly learned (and tried to accept so I didn’t kill anyone) that no one thinks you’re wedding is about you and your fiance, they think it’s about them!  

It’s absolutely absurd and not right but it’sbeen my reality.  People I barely know have someohow made my wedding about themselves and not me and my fiance. It’s amazing!  Try and take it with a grain of salt and let it roll of your back. It’s not worth getting upset over, and no matter what you say to people like that they won’t change (and then you’ll be deemed a bridezilla for being a bitch back!)  Not worth the stress worrying about it. 

Post # 4
Member
1710 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013 - Walt Disney World

That sucks!  I’m sorry you’re getting negative remarks about your wedding.  Maybe you should refrain from putting wedding stuff on there, to save you some grief.  Or just making a “wedding” group and only certain people can see them?

Post # 5
Member
10453 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2014

Well first I’d stop posting wedding stuff on Facebook. Judging by so many posts here that’s never a good idea. 

Then maybe stop discussing wedding stuff with people that aren’t involved (close family, bridesmaids, etc only). They shouldn’t be so harsh!

Post # 6
Member
4771 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Ummm if you don’t want people talking about your wedding why are you talking to people about it and publically posting stuff on FB about it?

Post # 7
Member
2781 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@allyfally:  The problem with fb is by posting details of your wedding plans people are going to comment, and being behind the computer people are often more wiling to be honest. Stop posting about your wedding arrangements on fb and you will have less people commenting about how they would do things differently.

Post # 8
Member
216 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Because the world revolves around them and their opinions silly. Clearly. 🙂

I have nothing constructive to add but I have a question. If your having a December wedding are you going to get a cape? 🙂

Post # 9
Member
739 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

First of all, I am sorry you are so stressed and upset about this. Wedding planning is stressful enough, it’s a shame that others are making it worse for you.

I agree with PPs, your first mistake is posting anything on facebook. If you don’t want people to comment, don’t make it public! I get that you might want bridesmaids and other family members input, but find a different way. Email, texting, private messaging, even making a private group. Be creative!

I don’t talk to anyone about my wedding and wedding plans that aren’t invited. I answer questions such as “did you get your dress yet? What does it look like?” as politely as possible, but I give as few details as possible! I have not told anyone my vendors, except for when people ask where I’m getting married, and again, I keep it vague. It’s just simply none of their business. As much as you probably enjoy talking about it (I know I do!), talk to people who matter! Or keep it on the Bee! Wink

 

Post # 10
Member
738 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Precisely why none of my wedding details are put on fb. You are inviting people to comment by posting it there!

Post # 11
Member
1460 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Just quit talking about your wedding with people and that will take care of it.  I never talked about mine to anyone and I had no problems.  As soon as you start sharing you open yourself up to people’s opinions. 

Post # 12
Member
734 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@allyfally:  Wow…. you know some nasty people! I posted on Facebook just that we’re going to Scotland and nothing more and I just got happy responses. If anyone had a thought on it they at least didn’t have the nerve to post it on Facebook! Yeesh. (I did hear that a former friend was “pissed” because she wanted to come to my wedding… we used to be best friends, but haven’t even spoken to each other more than once in 4 years, haha.. why again would she think that she would get an invite?)

I think its just odd that people would comment. If there are some people that you do want to share with on Facebook I would either make a private group to post things or only make it so that those friends can see.

I’m not sure why these people you know are being so rude! It really is weird!

Post # 13
Member
1177 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Putting stuff on FB is an invitation for people to comment. If you don’t want comments, keep it to PMs or email. I personally haven’t posted one single engagement or wedding related thing on FB for this reason.

Also, when you talk to people about something, they kind of assume it’s ok to respond, give their opinions, etc. Although it does sound like maybe a lot of the people you’re talking to are hypercritical asshats. Are these actual friends, or workmates and the like? Either way it sounds like you need to cut down the audience for your wedding talk to people whose opinions you value.

Post # 15
Member
1839 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

like others said, i wouldn’t put anything on facebook that you don’t want opinions on, whether you have asked for them or not.  (not saying that that person wasn’t rude, but still.

idk, you just have to learn to ignore people who are butting in and do what you want (provided they aren’t people that’re helping pay for things)

Post # 16
Member
1902 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@allyfally:  I don’t think it’s exactly “hiding” everything about the wedding, it’s just being aware that facebook is a public forum where pretty much everyone can see what you post (unless you adjust your privacy settings every other week).

Is it rude and hurtful for people to make the comments they did? Sure! But, as other posters said, when people are protected by the anonymity of the internet, they will say all kinds of things – whether they’re just being honest and it’s coming across as mean (it’s easy to misinterpret written words!), or whether they’re deliberately being rude to get a reaction. Unfortunately, if you make aspects of your life public, you will get a public response!

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