Post # 1
I’m so fed up with people thinking they have some sort of say in my wedding. Especially if they arent a super close friend or family.
Everyone on my facebook or people at work keep asking stuff about the wedding, but everytime I start talking about it all I hear is “no no no you cant do that!” Or, “uh… Why?!”
Like when we were talking about no alcohol at the wedding. There were several reasons for this. Half of the guests dont drink, my dad and my moms boyfriend will be meeting eachother for the first time and neither of them have the best personalities at the best of times, my mom gets extremely aggressive and loud when she’s been drinking, not to mention the cost. But when people found out (people who arent even invited!) they started saying how awful that will be, and our guests will hate us, and “well if it was me and I knew there wouldnt be alcohol, I wouldnt even go.” Well great, you’re only going for the free booze? I wouldnt want you there anyways. But my mom offered to pay for the open bar, so thats no longer a discussion.
When we were thinking about getting married in December, all I ever heard was “well why are you doing that? December is cold and ugly. Nobody will go to a December wedding. Thats just stupid, change it to another month.”
Me and a friend were talking on my wall about photography and how I was having trouble finding one for our budget. Then when I found our photographer I posted a link of them. Some woman that was not involved in the conversation popped in to say “well I dont know who they are, so you shouldnt use them. Try X, X, X or X. Those are all GOOD photographers.” I told her thanks, but we’re on a budget and cant afford $3000 for pictures. She then continued going on about how I should hire these other people. I told her point blank that if MY wedding pictures meant so much to her, then she could pay for them.
Now I just posted my shoes and my necklace on my facebook. Didnt tag anyone or ask anyone to comment on them, just uploaded one picture. And right off the bat “well I dont want to sound like a bitch, but why did you pick those? They wont look good.”
I seriously just dont understand why people think that they have any right to try to control other peoples weddings.
Post # 3
@allyfally: I hear ya hun. I quickly learned (and tried to accept so I didn’t kill anyone) that no one thinks you’re wedding is about you and your fiance, they think it’s about them!
It’s absolutely absurd and not right but it’sbeen my reality. People I barely know have someohow made my wedding about themselves and not me and my fiance. It’s amazing! Try and take it with a grain of salt and let it roll of your back. It’s not worth getting upset over, and no matter what you say to people like that they won’t change (and then you’ll be deemed a bridezilla for being a bitch back!) Not worth the stress worrying about it.
Post # 4
- Wedding: May 2013 - Walt Disney World
That sucks! I’m sorry you’re getting negative remarks about your wedding. Maybe you should refrain from putting wedding stuff on there, to save you some grief. Or just making a “wedding” group and only certain people can see them?
Post # 5
Well first I’d stop posting wedding stuff on Facebook. Judging by so many posts here that’s never a good idea.
Then maybe stop discussing wedding stuff with people that aren’t involved (close family, bridesmaids, etc only). They shouldn’t be so harsh!
Post # 6
Ummm if you don’t want people talking about your wedding why are you talking to people about it and publically posting stuff on FB about it?
Post # 7
@allyfally: The problem with fb is by posting details of your wedding plans people are going to comment, and being behind the computer people are often more wiling to be honest. Stop posting about your wedding arrangements on fb and you will have less people commenting about how they would do things differently.
Post # 8
Because the world revolves around them and their opinions silly. Clearly. 🙂
I have nothing constructive to add but I have a question. If your having a December wedding are you going to get a cape? 🙂
Post # 9
First of all, I am sorry you are so stressed and upset about this. Wedding planning is stressful enough, it’s a shame that others are making it worse for you.
I agree with PPs, your first mistake is posting anything on facebook. If you don’t want people to comment, don’t make it public! I get that you might want bridesmaids and other family members input, but find a different way. Email, texting, private messaging, even making a private group. Be creative!
I don’t talk to anyone about my wedding and wedding plans that aren’t invited. I answer questions such as “did you get your dress yet? What does it look like?” as politely as possible, but I give as few details as possible! I have not told anyone my vendors, except for when people ask where I’m getting married, and again, I keep it vague. It’s just simply none of their business. As much as you probably enjoy talking about it (I know I do!), talk to people who matter! Or keep it on the Bee!
Post # 10
Precisely why none of my wedding details are put on fb. You are inviting people to comment by posting it there!
Post # 11
Just quit talking about your wedding with people and that will take care of it. I never talked about mine to anyone and I had no problems. As soon as you start sharing you open yourself up to people’s opinions.
Post # 12
@allyfally: Wow…. you know some nasty people! I posted on Facebook just that we’re going to Scotland and nothing more and I just got happy responses. If anyone had a thought on it they at least didn’t have the nerve to post it on Facebook! Yeesh. (I did hear that a former friend was “pissed” because she wanted to come to my wedding… we used to be best friends, but haven’t even spoken to each other more than once in 4 years, haha.. why again would she think that she would get an invite?)
I think its just odd that people would comment. If there are some people that you do want to share with on Facebook I would either make a private group to post things or only make it so that those friends can see.
I’m not sure why these people you know are being so rude! It really is weird!
Post # 13
Putting stuff on FB is an invitation for people to comment. If you don’t want comments, keep it to PMs or email. I personally haven’t posted one single engagement or wedding related thing on FB for this reason.
Also, when you talk to people about something, they kind of assume it’s ok to respond, give their opinions, etc. Although it does sound like maybe a lot of the people you’re talking to are hypercritical asshats. Are these actual friends, or workmates and the like? Either way it sounds like you need to cut down the audience for your wedding talk to people whose opinions you value.
Post # 14
Wow, we have such differing views. It wouldnt cross my mind to start posting negative things on other peoples facebooks about their wedding. For a lot of people, facebook is the main way of contact I have with them. There were several well meaning people that were excited to see my shoes and necklace, so I posted them for them. The photography thing was me and a friend who’s also getting married soon talking about it together and someone else butted in.
It makes me sad that you guys think you should hide everything about your wedding.
Post # 15
like others said, i wouldn’t put anything on facebook that you don’t want opinions on, whether you have asked for them or not. (not saying that that person wasn’t rude, but still.
idk, you just have to learn to ignore people who are butting in and do what you want (provided they aren’t people that’re helping pay for things)
Post # 16
@allyfally: I don’t think it’s exactly “hiding” everything about the wedding, it’s just being aware that facebook is a public forum where pretty much everyone can see what you post (unless you adjust your privacy settings every other week).
Is it rude and hurtful for people to make the comments they did? Sure! But, as other posters said, when people are protected by the anonymity of the internet, they will say all kinds of things – whether they’re just being honest and it’s coming across as mean (it’s easy to misinterpret written words!), or whether they’re deliberately being rude to get a reaction. Unfortunately, if you make aspects of your life public, you will get a public response!