(Closed) Vent/Advice: Family assuming they are in wedding party?…

posted 4 years ago in Ceremony
Post # 2
Member
3778 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

Wow she sounds like a peach. I’d just come right out and tell her that you look forward to having her as a guest but you’ve already made up your mind about your wedding party. She’ll probably pitch a fit, but at least you’ll know that there’s no misunderstanding. 

Post # 3
Member
4037 posts
Honey bee

“after explaining TWICE that I was not inviting kids, even my other younger cousins, she said “well mine is coming, haha… So fuck you” and she was smiling the whole time she said that but it was obvious that she is planning on bringing her child”

If someone had said this to me, they would automatically be put on my “DO NOT INVITE” list. After all, you’re not inviting children and she’s acting like an obnoxious one, so that rules her out.

Post # 5
Member
61 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

jjohnston730:  April is going to be difficult no matter what you do. And honestly “Damned if you do, damned if you don’t”. So if she will bring the drama no matter what you do, do what’s best for you. I promise you, you will never regret going with what you want. April is probably difficult because she is used to getting her way. Your family I assume just lets April do what April wants to do. Sometimes they aid her crazy, when June was asking you if April was a Bridesmaid or Best Man and grandma chimed in “Yes!”. I can see why this is really hard for you, you’re not just dealing with April, you are dealing with your whole family enabling her behavior. 

I’m going to guess you are like me and try to avoid conflict. For the BMs, I would just tell family, “Thank you for your suggestions but I already have my BMs chosen”. If they give you a hard time about April not being included, you could always say “I have decided not to have any family as part of our wedding party, I have kept it to close friends”. Stick to your guns! You will most likely be met with “Buuuuuut whyyyyyy!!” and you keep repeating yourself. “I’m sorry, but it’s already been decided”. “I’m sorry you feel that way, but this is what I’ve chosen”. “Thank you for your imput, but I have already decided”. 

As for April wanting to plan weddings with you, avoid any wedding talk. Make yourself void of any information to her. “I haven’t decided yet”. “FI and I haven’t discussed it”. “We’ve already booked things”. “I want it to be a surprise!”. “I’m a little wedding talked-out. How was your trip at grandmas house last week?”. “We haven’t decided”. “I don’t know”. “I have a few options but we are still deciding.” 

I know this will be painful, but I would limit the information you give to family. I am going to guess they will pass it onto April (judging by their enabling behavior). Use your bridesmaids to be your sounding board if you can, or neutral parties. I’m sorry you have to go through this. Just know that no matter what you do, April is going to be April. She is chaotic, dramatic and sees this as competition. Don’t play into this. April will look rather foolish doing all this stuff as a one sided fight. Don’t acknowledge her tactics. Just be indifferent to her. 

Post # 7
Member
8 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Do we have the same cousin??? 

First off I want to say that anyone who assumes they are in a wedding or asks “I’m a bridesmaid right?” Are such inconsiderate people. Putting a bride in a situation like that is so stressful.

I had a much similar situation with my cousin. She asked me to be in the wedding and I was honest. I told her I’d love her to be BUT I’m concerned since she has a history of never showing to family events. At my other cousins wedding (my MOH) she agreed to be a bridesmaid, then backed out, then never showed up to the shower, bachelorette or even the wedding. She said she doesn’t like the attention of being in a wedding. (Hellooo the attention is on the bride) She assured me that she wouldn’t do this to me and she had her “reasons”.

She practically begged me so finally I told her yes she could be a bridesmaid but if she didn’t show up to an event I would be disappointed. In this time all she would do was talk about how she would plan her wedding (she is not engaged) and was slowly getting under my skin. 

Finally I planned my bridesmaid proposal lunch. I was trying to keep it a surprise and called it my engagement lunch with close friends. She kept texting and asking who would be there and she didn’t know what to wear. She also told everyone she was pissed that I picked a restaurant that was near her ex boyfriends house. And guess what happened.. no show. No call. Nothing. I got a text at the end of the night, her going off on me and saying she could have been dead and I never called to check on her. She claims she was in the hospital.. But I called all the hospitals and she was never checked in. She called me names and spoke horribly about my other bridesmaids. I had to kick her out of the wedding party and as a result her & her mom won’t speak to me. They said they want nothing to do with me or my wedding & bad mouthed me to the whole family and even tried telling my fiancée that I am “vicious” lol

Sorry for such a long story but it is nice to vent to someone with a similar situation. Do whatever you feel is right. This is YOUR big day and sometimes you have to do what is best for you. Be prepared to make some people upset. I know that is what happened in my case but I don’t regret it one bit. 

Best of luck to you !!!!

Post # 8
Member
267 posts
Helper bee

ntoxo:  Between you and the OP I don’t know where y’all can hide from these obnoxious people! 

It hurts right now but these are toxic people, and this wedding is going to bring about a “cleansing” from your life. Just think: they are not banishing you from their lives…you are cleansing your life from their presene. Focus on your mister and how happy you will be walking down the aisle to him! Eff those crazies! 

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