- 8 years ago
- Wedding: August 2010
hi bees! so this is mostly a vent (and a pretty long one at that….); i don’t really know that there’s anything my hubby or i can do differently than we already are but i appreciate any advice or sympathy…
M is one of DH’s best friends (and former college roomate and our groomsman). he broke off his engagement after he found out his fi had cheated on him. they had been living all the way across the country together, but as soon as M found out, he jumped in his car and drove all the way back to NY, where he’d lived before this past summer and where all his friends and family are. he’s totally devastated; his ex-fi is really just awful and it’s a really crappy situation. luckily he found out before they got married, and luckily they hadn’t planned anything yet (even though they got engaged last may) so they don’t have to worry about deposits or anything. but he’s still heartbroken, of course.
this was about 3 weeks ago he’s been staying on and off with his parents, sister, us, and other friends since; ie, in less than 3 weeks, he’s spent about 5 nights on our pull-out couch, and then spent more days with us than that (in the same 3 weeks, my in-laws also came to visit, which was exhausting in and of itself). we’re more than happy to be there for M–it’s not a question at all of whether he can stay with us ever, we’ve opened our home to him, fed him, done whatever he wants to do with him (including spending way more time going out than we normally do, staying up way later than usual, drinking more, etc, which has meant our work productivity is slacking…). he’s really hurting, and helping him out is our top priority. but on the other hand, it’s also been really hard on us. we haven’t had much down time or privacy. so much so that last week we realized we were picking more fights with each other than usual because of that. like, we got in a huge fight, with tears, over a stupid misunderstanding right before our v-day dinner.
on top of that, M sometimes says really mean or overly critical things, without meaning to i’m sure. i def give him the benefit of doubt about it–he’s probably just so wrapped up in his own hurt that he’s not really thinking through what he says. like, his filter is temporarily missing. but he’s said really insulting things about some of my friends, who he wanted to meet and then barely said one word to. he’s criticized our dog and the way he’s trained, ie us. he said something like “oh you’re married now, it’s your job to break him down!” after DH and i were bickering over our tv remote, etc. we usually just brush it off or don’t respond, but it hurts my feelings when we’ve been trying so hard to be good friends. neither Darling Husband nor i are very confrontational anyway, but now just doesn’t seem like a good time to call him out.
the good thing is the situation is temporary–M is looking for a job here and then will get his own apt, and then we won’t be spending days and days with him without a break. so things will resolve themselves eventually… but in the meantime, this is hard! not as hard as it is for M, of course, but we have needs too…
i don’t know, i’m really just venting…has anyone else dealt with a situation like this? any advice about how to get through it?