(Closed) Venting

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
272 posts
Helper bee

Whereabouts in Florida are you from?  I’m a Florida waiting bee, too. It’s hard, and I’m in the exact same situation- except my anniversary is this week and we are celebrating this weekend.  My boyfriend has been saving for a ring for quite some time now and recently got a significant raise which should have quelled any financial issues… I simply crave the proposal every day.  His mother called me yesterday and talked for an hour about his sister’s upcoming wedding- she got engaged last week, which is why I won’t be getting engaged this weekend.  It may sound silly, but it’s his only sister and they have a small family… I just know he isn’t going to steal the spotlight right after her engagement.  So it’s the two-year mark.  We’ve lived together almost the entire time we’ve been dating, and have a house and two dogs together.  I love our life.  Originally, all I wanted was to get married, but the more the waiting feeling sunk in, the more I began to care about a wedding and now I know many of the details that I would like to include. He has planned two other proposals, both of which fell through (but originally, he was going to get me a different, not-as-flashy ring, so I don’t mind the wait as much).  But I know the feeling.  I know how hard it is to hear all of the comments from other people who ask at every holiday if this is going to be it… and I get my hopes up… and nope!!! Not it!  So stop asking because you’re drivin me nuts 🙂  I really wish he wanted to elope.  I know what my wedding budget is… my sister had 200 people at her wedding on the same budget and it was still nice… I only want about 30 at ours but if we were able to elope, we could go on a wonderful, long trip…  SO has never been to Europe and I’d love to show him around!  But with a small wedding party, we could have a destination wedding of some sort, which is what I would love. 

Post # 4
1405 posts
Bumble bee

It makes sense to book a trip before a surprsie proposal because you said you talked about it (eloping to Hawaii) and he knows you want to marry him. 

Now in his mind, he completely ruined your anniversary because you were not happy with your present.  I have been through the “I feel like I never do anything right” stage with my SO and it is not fun.  Please try to appreciate that he did make a very nice gesture for you.

Post # 5
1730 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

It sounds like you guys are pretty much informally engaged, even if the actual question of “will you marry me?” complete with ring hasn’t been asked.  You’ve decided you’re getting amrried, and he’s even booked a trip to your dream location to do it, so you are actually in a good place right now.  I’d make sure to let him know how much you appreciate that, and tell him you’re sorry you got super girly on him about it – that you’d figured the cart would go before the horse, and not the other way around, but, hey, the cart and horse are there, and that’s what’s important!  Heck, even if you ahve other weddings to go to, you know about when you’d be getting married, so even wihtout a ring on your hand, you can answer vaguely to shut them up with a “We’re planing to in about XX amount of months/years”.  That’s a way better place to be than some of us who have BFs who can’t even come out and say, “Yes, I plan on marrying you, but need time to save/whatever,” which leavees you full of uncertanty.  You ahve something to look forward to, and you know it.  🙂 

You’ve got a good guy who is trying to make this happen.  Trust him and let him know he’s doing well (guys get hurt when they think they’ve messed up).

Post # 6
3461 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

First, don’t feel bad that you possibly ruined a proposal you didn’t know was coming. I agree he is being confusing in how he goes about it.

Next, you absolutely must learn not to take comments from others personally (or learn to say things that will cut them off) or you will go 120% bonkers.  I say this with absolute love from the 3 year vantage point – you can’t survive otherwise.  It’s completely fair to open conversations on marriage based on you, but unfair to start off a conversation by saying “so-and-so was wondering” (proper ettiquette after all, I’m sure would never let the person ask anything personal in the first place).  So I know it’s hard, but try not be embarrassed or phazed by comments.  Along with that – tell your SO *he* needs to rein his friends in and tell them it’s not cool.

And finally – go home!  And get a hug from him.  I’m sure the fear is worse than it’ll actually be, you’ve built it up in his mind.  I bet he’s miserable at upsetting you now.  Mine always feels so bad when that happens.  You don’t even have to talk about it – just tell him that you would prefer not to hash it out. 

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