Post # 1
This is more of a vent post. However, it might help to know if I am being 100% crazy or not.
I am getting married soon, and we are having a very small wedding. My family is graciously paying for it. We are so thankful for that. However, we are having it by my future in-laws to make it easier for more of his side to attend. Also, my family is smaller, so most of the wedding is his “side.”
Over the entire time we have been engaged (over a year), there has been no interest/excitement about the wedding from his entire family. Most of them didn’t even say congrats when we got engaged. When we saw his siblings after we got engaged, no one even mentioned it. They still haven’t mentioned it… Last month, I even heard them complaining about how our wedding is in the evening on one of the days of a local gaming convention. They have known about our wedding for over a year… We asked for their feedback about dates when we first got engaged.
For RSVPs, we asked people to email me. Other than 2 people, no one in his family/friends contacted me. We had to chase down the RSVPs, and they just texted my FH at that point.
My FH has one sister with 2 kids. We are having them to be flower girls. Since money is tight for them, we are paying for their dresses, etc. We sent pictures of the dresses for her approval and feedback. We just wanted the sister to measure the girls and send me the sizes. We have been asking her for over month to send the sizes. I have tried not to pressure her too much, but she never responds to my texts. She only contacts me if she needs a babysitter.
I understand that no one is as excited about your wedding as you are. However, at times, it seems like they go out of their way to ignore it. It is also seeming more and more personal. If I had known that they really didn’t care, I would have had the wedding near my family.
I will just be so happy when its over.
Post # 3
- Wedding: June 2019 - Turkey
Uh, wedding is at the evening of a sports contest? Like hahahahaa. What?
What you’ve been experiencing is not pleasant of course, but this process of getting married (still 3 months to go until our wedding) has taught me so far to just try not to dwell so much on what’s not going right and let go. External stuff affect your mood so much in this period, because well that’s a special day! At the same time, you can always have other children bring flowers, or those who complain or doesn’t respond at all are welcomed not to attend amirite?
Post # 4
If his sister can’t provide you with the information for the flower girl dresses, then I guess the girls won’t be flower girls. Their loss, as I’m sure the girls would’ve liked that. I would have no problem asking my fiance to tell his sister, “Sorry, since you haven’t given us the information we need, we won’t be able to have the girls in the wedding anymore.” I think you’re well within your rights to be “confrontational” about this.
Otherwise, I’m sorry that they’re being douchebags, but you need to just ignore their lack of enthusiasm. Your wedding isn’t about them anyway.
Post # 5
I agree with Denise. May be time to be a little more confrontational. Pick a date that you need the measurements by or “unfortunately we won’t be able to make arrangements in time for the girls to be flower girls”. Sounds like you do have some difficult circumstances up against you but you’ve got this!
Post # 6
meupatdoes1226 : So sorry to hear this. It sounds like his family is unhappy about the fact of you two marrying altogether. May be his sister didn’t even want her kids to be flowergirls for whatever reason, but couldn’t voice it and instead resorted to this tactics. I would concentrate on making your family happy and not worry so much about his side. You did all the friendly gestures towards them – they didn’t respond, that’s their choice.
You are not crazy. On contrary, very tolerant and accomodating.
Post # 7
Ugh, I know how you feel. We’re also having a small wedding in the state his family lives in to make it easier for then to attend. My family will be the one having to do all the traveling. We even had to change our wedding date because his sister complained that the date was too close to the weekend they have their annual weekend at the beach. She didn’t think her and her husband could take off work for both (basically hinting that her family wouldn’t attend if we didn’t change the date). Like really, you can’t change the weekend you go to the beach to attend your brother’s wedding?! And it wasn’t even like it was the same weekend, its two weeks apart. So we changed, because we were already only inviting 18 people, and if 4 weren’t coming just because of the date…
And yeah, we went down for the holidays. The only time the wedding was brought up was when they were talking about what an inconvenience it is on their own lived. No details were asked, no one asked to see my ring… I was a little disappointed that I wasn’t made to feel more included in the family, and doubt I ever will.
It definitely put a damper on wedding planning, and I too wish we had just done it local. Trying to plan a wedding out of town has been stressful, and I don’t even feel like they really care why we chose to have the wedding there. I just want to be done and be married. I would happily just skip it all and do a town hall wedding, but at this point its 2 months away and my parents also paid for just about everything.
So no, you’re not crazy. Some families just suck.
Post # 8
I wouldn’t take the flower girl job away, but I would be more insistent about getting the measurements… or just come taken them yourself.
Post # 9
Sorry bee, honestly it just sounds like he has a shitty family. Not much you can do about that. meupatdoes1226 :
Post # 10
Don’t babysit for someone who’s only using you.
Post # 11
My husbands family showed no excitement for our wedding but I don’t it was in “badness” it’s just the type of people they are. Took a while to get used to it but I know not to expect much now. They are the kind of people who enjoy illness – you know it gives them a story to tell & a moan to have. My Father-In-Law came into the hospital after I had our son & interrupted while I was telling my birth story to tell us about his triple by pass for the 50th time. D.H. & I just laughed.
Next time you’re babysitting take the measurements yourself & now you’ve identified the type of people they are accept and release cause you are the only one getting upset. Don’t let them spoil your amazing day
Post # 12
I’m sorry your fiance’s family is a pack of assholes. At this point I’d be inclined to pass on the flower girls altogether because I don’t think you can count on the parents getting them there dressed and on time. The shit they’re pulling is right out of the passive aggressive playbook, and I could easily see them deliberately being late to the ceremony just to mess you up and then giving some bullshit excuse.
Post # 13
Could you just call her or have either yourself or your husband go over to measure the girls? I would not take the flower girl job away, that just seems really cruel. I’m sure the girls would be upset and think it’s their fault and punishment.
Post # 14
I agree with the pp who said to pick a date by which to have those measurements. That way you’ve done what you can to involve the nieces while giving yourself time to make alternative plans. I’m sorry your SIL is being a passive aggressive a-hole.
Just focus on the happy part of the nuptials okay? They can all go to hell.
Post # 15
Thank you for all the words of support! I am glad to hear that its not all just in my head.
My FH texted his sister, and I received the measurements right away. Seriously? I have been contacting you for WEEKS! Of course, the measurements were not very helpful (she put multiple sizes that could work? or sizes that didn’t correspond with the measurements she listed). I tried to contact her about the clarifications right after she messaged me, but she unexpectedibly got super busy and couldn’t respond for hours. But on the positive side, the dresses are finally ordered.
glitterdragon : It absolutely sounds that we are going through the same things! Thanks for your words of support!