(Closed) Venting about my MOH problems

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
7753 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

You shouldn’t have let her push around and insist she’s co-MOH.

But, I’m actually kind of on her side about the tattooed wedding rings. Something like 1/3 of marriages end in divorce. I’m in my 40s and I’ve seen a few, and I just never ever see it coming – apparently strrong marriages fall apart, and I’m sure none of them thought it would happen to them. (Certainly the ones I was close enough to that I talked about it, didn’t think it would happen to them). And of course death happens too: some close friends have been widowed (or died and left a widower). So yeah, even though it sounds like she put it in an unsensitive way, just think it through.

Post # 4
Member
3886 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Your true friends are those who tell you what you don’t want to hear.

With almost 50% of all marriages in the US ending in divorce, and 100% of tattoos being stuck on you forever (well unless you want to do the laser removal which gets mixed results), I’d say you need to think about what your friend said. Even if she wasn’t very delicate about it, it’s a pretty solid message.

My ex committed suicide about 10 years ago and I got a rather large tattoo in memorial. Darling Husband doesn’t mind it, but I am at the point where I really don’t like it any more. It just doesn’t feel right to me to have another man’s name burned into my flesh, considering that I’m married to my husband now. My sister had really bad results with laser treatments and I was actually trying to talk Darling Husband into helping me remove the tattoo by Salabrasion (warning: it’s not a pretty concept: http://ezinearticles.com/?Salabrasion-Tattoo-Removal,-Painful-But-Good,-If-You-Have-a-High-Pain-Threshold!&id=7003341). Darling Husband has never forbid me to do anything till I started talking about this. It’s quite barbaric.

Anyway, you don’t really want to end up with something you can’t get rid of, if you wanted to get rid of it. Just bringing up the Salabrasion to show you how desperate some people (myself included, almost) are to remove those love tokens somewhere down the road.

Post # 5
Member
255 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

I kind of agree with your co-MOH. While you can wax poetic about how lovely your relationship is with your Fiance and how you’ll never, ever break up once married you really can’t be 100% sure it won’t end like over half of the marriages out there. No-one wants to think their marriage is doomed to fail from the get go but it’s always a probability. Tattoos are permenant. You can remove them but it’s painful and like your nuptials does not come with a 100% guarantee.

My Fiance is unable to wear rings in his line of work as well. However, he can wear a chain that is tight to the collar line (ie. unable to get caught in machinary). So we have worked out a solution that may work in your case as well. In the ring budget we have included enough to afford a nice (and sturdy) chain. This way he can keep the ring on his person so that it’s always with him, without it being on his finger. He’ll wear it on his finger on the weekends and when we’re on holidays. 

It’s the best of both worlds

Post # 6
Member
287 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

My Fiance and I will be getting a tattoo on our ring fingers. Due to his work he cannot wear a ring, I don’t see the big deal, it will only be small. And IF something goes wrong I’ll either get it covered up or removed or I may just keep it as my bestfriends name starts with my Fiance first name lol I’ll just say its for her haha

Post # 7
Member
837 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@Galatea:  Unrelated and therefore unhelpful: Is your username related to Harry Potter at all? Galatea Merrythought, former Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher in Tom Riddle’s day? (I have a bit of a Potter problem, so I see signs of it everywhere!) 

Post # 8
Member
2577 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Heck, I would say that to my friends if they were talking tattoo rings too.

I am not anti tattoos, (I have one) but I am anti facial and ring tattooing.

She perhaps could have been a bit more delicate with how she stated her opinion, though.

Post # 9
Member
506 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

We’re getting lil tats under our rings much to several people’s chagrin. *eye roll* I’m a big tat girl, and Fiance swore he’d never get one except now he’s itching for an us one. If you want it- get it. If you divorce- get it lasered or covered. Nothing is more annoying than the litany of reasons people give about others getting tats- it’s not on them , they’ll be fine. Just laugh and promise not to b*tch to her if you have to get it covered one day.

Tat’s are just a map of who we were and where we’ve been. : )

Post # 12
Member
349 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Oooh tattoos can be a touchy topic.

I had my Fiance initial tattooed on me when we had been dating about a month.. Most people were SUPER opiniated about it and told me I was making a mistake. It was my choice, haven’t regretted it once.
My Fiance swore when we first got together that he wouldn’t ever get a name tattooed on him, but he chose to get my name on his arm a week after we got engaged.

If you are marrying someone, you are committing to a life with them. Life time commitment. Everyone these days rattles off the divorce rates and tells us that our marriage will most likely end in divorce, so when things do get super hard, they think that divorce is the answer. No one is taught to cope when it gets hard, and I think thats the main issue.

Even when my Fiance and I are not liking each other AT ALL, we still love each other, and I think thats really important 🙂

And as for the comments about what if he dies – You aren’t going to forget about him? If you were to move on your partner would have to accept the tattoo as part of your history.

I say go for it with the tattoo – Just make sure the design is something that you will love when you are older, you can’t really cover a finger tattoo.

Post # 13
Member
53 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@MrsMagillToBe:  I agree 100%

 

Sure, people can bring out the statistics and try to bring you down. I think it was a stupid comment of her to make and I would have felt the exact same way you do. Don’t listen to her and anyone else who says a tattoo ring is a bad idea. 

 

I believe marriage is a lifetime committment. I think too many people in this world don’t take marriage seriously and that’s why you get the statistics and so many people telling you you could get divorced. It’s stupid. Marriage is “until death do us part” as you say. I support the tattoos!

Post # 15
Member
109 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 1998

As someone who has tattoos of my kids and my husband. Yes they are flowers so only I know who they represent, they will always represent them and only them. My husband and I have been married for 15 years now and we have had many problems, and even when I think I can’t take it anymore, I know in my heart, we will never divorce. So those statistics are pointless. Yeah, so, marriages end. Doesn’t mean you should spend your time waiting for it to happen. If you want ring tattoos, then get them. They are your wedding bands. They can be covered if need be later. 

 

The only thing I would say is be careful. They fade easily on fingers. So that is another point to those who say don’t do it cause you could divorce. If that were to happen, they will fade anyways and can be made into some kind of design you choose later. But I agree, statistics or not, marriage to me is forever. I understand when a couple splits because it is better but that is not what you expect going into a marriage and that is not what you should worry about. 

 

Besides, if someone has a tattoo, they can have it covered or lasered by a good laser technician (a friend of ours has had it done many times and now his cover ups look awesome and no sign of his old tattoos), but the scar of losing someone you loved will take much longer to heal. So I’d rather have a gorgeous wedding ring tattoo, then worry if I was going to end up divorced!!

 

Post # 16
Member
720 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

OP, I’d like to address the actual problem in your post.

Your friend is really not being a friend, from what you posted about her. You describe her as a “bully” and mention that she does not support you having a plan for your life (what?!), so really, I’m not sure why this person is in your life.

If you and your FH want to get ring tattoos, that’s your business, and bringing up divorce is really, really rude. I would worry less about what she said about your tattoo and more about why this person is in your wedding party and your life. That kind of negativity is unattractive.

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