Post # 1
Sometimes I feel like his parents influence his decisions too much. Last year when we talked about timelines/engagement he’s said my parents think I’m too young. It’s been something that’s been bugging me since then.
Sometimes I feel like people are trying to make me feel guilty over the things I want. My mom was 24 and my dad was 22 when they got married. My grandma was 19 and my grandpa was 20. His mom was 23 and his dad was 19. I’ve heard his parents and my grandparents say they they wish they would’ve waited, it was hard, etc. But it doesn’t stop me from wanting this and it hurts me. I think that if it wasn’t hard it wouldn’t be worth it.
Sometimes I just want to go on a break with him to make him miss me. Go out with my friends and such. But most of my friends are in colleges that are far away from we’re we grew up. Some people we know are already engaged, have or are having kids, or married 🙁
He complains about his job all the time. Sometimes I just want to scream at him “IF YOU DON’T LIKE YOUR JOB FIND A NEW ONE!” He doesn’t like that his job doesn’t pay enough. Yet he had the money to go buy a tv he didn’t need, a truck, a laptop, video games, bowling balls, etc. I feel like if he had the money to spend on himself, he should have the money to spend on me, it’s not like I want him to spend thousands on a ring, I want a small ring. Then I feel bad because he’s young he should want to spend money on himself. But then again I don’t because I know he likes to be cheap most of the time.
I hate the fact we both still live at home with parents. I want to move out but he wants me to move in with him and his parents. I refused. No offense to him but that seems ridiculous to me. Why would I move in with him to his parents house when I want my own place? I don’t even want to live with him unless we’re engaged or married.
Maybe the age difference is catching up to us. I’m graduating this year and he’s not. I really can’t wait to work full time. I’ll see him less and won’t have as much free time to think about all of this.
Ugh I don’t know I’m just so confused and aggravated that I feel like this. Maybe this is just me moving from phase 2 to 3 in the waiting cycle. I hope so. I really want to be in stage 3 by this summer.
Post # 3
Also it doesn’t help that his 30 year old cousin who finally got engaged to his girlfriend in December got dumped out of the blue last week. They had the wedding planned, bought the dress and everything.
Post # 4
Hopefully you will stop thinking about this as much once you are out of school and trying to start your career. With all due respect to you, since you are so young, I would highly recommend that you infact DO focus 100% on your career and not the engagment. It is a LOT easier to establish yourself in the workforce at a younger age.
Sure, engagement won’t hurt the career, however it definitely won’t help it either. If anything, post-engagement, you will have that thought in the back of your head that you need to marry within 1-2 years. And he obviously has no money to make that happen. Neither do you. It’ll be worse if you have student loans to boot!
So please hang in there and just do what you are thinking of doing… i.e.: hang out more with your friends (go visit them @ uni!), and then concentrate on your professional life once it starts. Give that atleast a couple of years before you think engagement again. It will be hard, but it will totally be worth it.
This is coming from someone who did infact WASTE such an important period of her life to hoping, thinking, waiting for engagement/marriage. And I do not want you to go through the same. I would’ve been professionally MUCH HIGHER up by now had I not wasted those budding years!
Post # 5
Are you finishing up college this year? So you’re 21/22?? While I understand that a lot of people do get married young if they both agree to do so, if he’s not quite there yet what’s the rush? Is it for secuirty in the relationship? Do you want to move out with him to your own place and will only do that with an engagement? There’s nothing wrong with living with parents, in fact, for as long as he is there, that is how much faster he can save up for a ring and everything since he’s not paying rent. Same on your side also, as long as you are there, you can save SO much faster for a down payment or something and be so much more secure when you do move out. As long as you both can be rent free, I’d take advantage of it and save like crazy, especially if you are in Mass and eventually want to own.
Post # 6
(hug) I know it’s so hard to wait. My one piece of advice is to not use a break as a way to make him “miss you.” This usually just backfires. He could see it as an ultimatum and the break could become permanant. If you love him, be patient (which sucks) and it will happen!
Post # 7
@Sasha2011: Thanks. Luckily I don’t really have a lot of loans and will probably be able to pay them off in a year.
@pinkshoes: Thanks. I’m 22 and he’s told me he wants to get married and have a baby before 25 so I don’t know what his plan is, he keeps changing his mind. I still live at home since I can save money better this way. I have way more money saved up than he does because I don’t think he thinks about needing it the future.
@MissMellow: Thanks. I wish guys went through the waiting instead, then they would know how it feels.