Post # 1
I just need to vent and maybe some of you have some insight. It seems that everyone around me is bashing marriage. When I say everyone I mean everyone. People are saying that marriage is horrible, there is no happiness, blah blah blah. My single friends seem to think Im going to lose my identity when I become Mrs. Garcia, and others think I am just going to be miserable. I feel like wearing a Tshirt that says, “just because you are miserable does not mean the whole world is”. Even my own boss is telling me that marriage is the biggest mistake he ever made. I am very excited and I know the statistics and all the negativity that surrounds marriage, but I know that I love Mr. Garcia and that we will have a wonderful time together. He is already my best friend and already makes my life happier so why would that change when he is my husband? Is anyone else getting any of this negative feedback from people in their lives?
Post # 3
yeah- my mom feels the need to make it VERY clear that she does not believe in marriage, and also that she thinks weddings are a huge waste of money. honestly, i think she is a bit sad because hers didn’t really pan out. I try and not let it get to me, but it definitely spoils the whole “wedding buzz feel”, ya know?
Post # 4
Hi – Yeah… went to see some old friends a month or two ago, and one of my mentors walked in the house, and said “Why do people ever get married?” I was like, WHAT? (This was the first I’d seen him since getting engaged). He also made comments about my Fiance being “good enough for now”… Luckily I had friends who basically jumped in and confronted him, before I let him know too much about what I thought. I love the guy, but don’t know why he chose to do that.
Post # 5
Thanks guys I am glad to know I am not alone.
@ Ms Meowerson I feel you. The day I got engaged I wound up in tears because my moms reaction when I told my little brother and her was “omg tell your sister how stupid she is”. Thanks I didnt know marriage made me stupid. I think you mom is probably sad as well, lord knows mine is.
@ Karenski, I bet your mentor is rather lucky that your friends stepped in. I cant belive the way people impose their feelings on other people.
Post # 6
You are not alone, don’t worry! I was also shocked at the number of people who felt like they had to ‘warn’ me about how horrible married life is. I was just thinking about it this morning actually! I’ve only been married 7.5 months so I’m not exactly an expert, but I came to the conclusion that I think all of the people who hated on marriage to me while I was engaged probably (unfortunately) aren’t in love with their spouses anymore 🙁 There’s just no other explanation that makes sense. I mean I know relationships have ups and downs, but if you truly love your spouse enough to marry them, then you won’t feel total despair from the relationship in general.
The good news is once you get married, those comments stop 🙂 There’s nothing to ‘warn’ you about anymore! But people do ask how married life is in a menacing tone.
Post # 7
Yeah, I hear ya, after Fiance and I got engaged, everyone’s reaction to our engagement was “no don’t do it! you’ll be miserable!” Some people were just joking, but it’s like, that’s really not funny….and it was coming from single people, married people, divorced people, etc. It’s like…I’m sorry you are all so miserable, but we’re pretty happy, and hopefully we will continue to be. I don’t know why people can’t just be more positive and happy for others. I don’t think believeing you’ll have a happy marriage is unrealistic.
Post # 8
i’ve gotten it sometimes. mostly in a joking fashion but what is this world coming to if people dont believe in marriage anymore? it makes me sad.
My parents have been married 37 years and i have always invisioned myself doing the same thing. FI’s parents have been married 32. sometimes i wonder if that gives us an advantage in the marriage world because we both grew up with parents in a loving, happy marriage. I have tons of friends whose parents have divorced and their views on marriage are skewed. i dunno..just something i thought about. i wonder if there are any statistics out there on that subject.
Post # 9
Is it just me or do a lot of people get married prematurely these days? And I’m not talking about marrying young, I mean tying the knot without getting all your ducks in a row first. I don’t know if it’s the fact that divorce is more accepted or if marriage just isn’t considered as serious an institution anymore.
I know people who have gotten married because they’re sick of being single, married on the rebound, married faster than they had planned so they could get citizenship paperwork started earlier, married with absolutely no handle on their financial situation, married someone they know 100% will cheat on them…and then they seem surprised when their home starts feeling more like a war zone than a love nest.
I think there are too many unhappy people out there who went ahead with their weddings even though they had doubts, or thought marriage would solve their relationship problems.
And don’t get me started on the ones who think that just because they’re married, they don’t need to go out of their way to respect, care for or otherwise make an effort for their spouse.
I resent that these jaded people find it necessary to go around spraying anti-marriage messages at everyone they see who might have a real chance at wedded bliss. If you know something about me or my Fiance that you think is going to result in a crappy marriage, then by all means share, but don’t assume on the basis of your experience alone that my marriage is doomed to fail.
Post # 10
Fiance calls to tell his parents that he propsed to me. They are separated since as hardcore Catholics they don’t ‘believe’ in divorce *eye roll*:
His mom: “oooookkkk…… so ya i am at this mall and i might need a ride later.”
His dad: “ok listen, can you come and fix the toilets for me.”
So yeah, I hear you girl… Not much we can do but just try to put these msgs behind us and never think of them again! You know the saying, “As a man thinketh, so is he.”
Post # 11
@linguo42: i like your take on it 🙂
Post # 12
Yeah, the whole negative attitude thing gets annoying.
So far so good for me…..people keep asking how married life is and I keep replying that it’s exactly the same just with more bling on my finger! and before I get bugged, that is not why I got married…..we lived together for 5.5 years so we’re pretty used to each other and how our lives operate.
Post # 13
Thank you all so much for your input. My Fiance and I have known each other for over 4 years. We started with our lives in totally different situations, I had just graduated college and was beginning my career, he was deciding to go back to school and finish his BA. It totally didn’t work, we were fighting a lot and then we decided it was time to part. Fast forward two years. He is now done with school and beginning his career I have been at my job for four years now. We are in the same place and our relationship has never been better. We do not live together because I have a son and we want to set the example of not living together until you are married. Not everyone agrees with this, but I think it’s important for my son to know that I respect him enough to not let just a “boyfriend” live with us. Everyone wants to hold on to the past and how much we fought and how many problems we had, but what no one can realize is that we spent time apart we both grew as individuals and we came back together and are happier than ever. We got engaged in July last year and aren’t having the wedding until April of next year. I think we have thought this out and have it under control. It just hurts that people who are supposed to support me and be happy for me just want to talk down about marriage.
Post # 14
im sorry thats happening – i understand people vent but really they dont need to voice out every negative thought they may have
my sister has been happily married for 30yrs (she married at 17) and people almost fall down in a faint when it tell the stats on both sides of our families and there are no divorces – there are happily married people out there so try not to let them bring you down
Post # 15
be the one to set an example that its a HAPPY thing 😉
Post # 16
I agree with love0love, set an example of marriage being a fantastic happy thing!