(Closed) VENTING: Grandparents teaching bad habits

posted 8 years ago in Parenting
Post # 17
Member
804 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

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@Jenniphyr:  <– This girl here said it all. Sure alternative child are might be expensive but at least your son won’t be getting in trouble for hitting someone at school etc. 

Post # 18
Hostess
7547 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

I would talk to them (with your DH) about it again. They may take you more seriously if they realize it still bothers you. 

Post # 19
Member
804 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

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@AuntPatchy:  [comment moderated for snark] To run an average two parent one child household it usually takes two full time working parents, not one. This normally means both mum and dad go to their jobs 5 or more days a week to buy food and pay bills. Most jobs can’t be done from home.

Loving grandparents don’t freely teach their grandchildren bad manners. Loving grandparents know better than that. Will they be laughing when their little fighter gets in trouble for hitting a teacher or getting in trouble with the law!!! [comment moderated for snark]

Post # 20
Member
4762 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

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@AuntPatchy:  They are raising their child. It’s not as though the child lives with the grandparents! Part of raising a child is providing for his/her needs – and for most families that requires that both parents have jobs. And clearly, OP’s concerns about the hitting show that she and her husband are doing their best to raise him into a good, respectful person.

Post # 22
Member
11231 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

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@AuntPatchy:  Wow. Rude.

OP, while I do agree that it’s kind of an unspoken rule that grandparents let kids get away with murder, your in laws are taking it too far. Unfortunately, you’re going to have to make alternate arrangements if they can’t respect the way you’re raising your son.

Reminds me of my cousin’s mom. She lets her grandson get away with anything and it’s kind of appalling. The last time they were here, he grabbed his mom’s hair and PULLED as hard as he could, and, while they tried to put him in time out, he threw a fit and got right back up and they did nothing. He also gets as much cake (baked goods) as he wants, which is really horrifying to watch, since he’s almost 2 and eats adult sized portions. I watched him get fed an entire brownie when he kept asking for “cake cake.”

Post # 23
Member
4800 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

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@AuntPatchy:  Let me guess…you must be a controlling mother-in-law. Well, guess what? Her child equals her decisions. And actually yes, I would rather have a babysiteer who was thoroughly screened by me, excellent with children, and would follow my wishes and rules for my child rather than a grandparent who would allow my child to hit others and go against the lifestyle I want for my child. I’ve watched my in-laws throw around horribly racist terms in front of my nephew, seen them let him get about 00ft away from them in public before they’ll go after him, they’ll see him go to stick his fingers in a power outlet and won’t even get up, all they feed him is junk food all the time…yep, babysiteer all the way for me. Being a grandparent doesn’t give you the right to disrespect the parent’s wishes.

As for the ‘raise him yourself’ comment? Wow. I think it would be best for everyone if you just stayed off the parenting boards with that terribly rude attitude.

Post # 25
Member
9024 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

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@AuntPatchy:  Wow your post is extremely ignorant. Do you know anything about raising children? clearly not.

 

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@andreaandchinelo:  I agree with previous posters that if the grandparents are the full time care givers then you need to make it clear how you feel and have a serious talk about it and say if they are finding it hard to be strict with him that you are considering alternate options. 

Post # 26
Member
1812 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

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@Jenniphyr:  This! 100%.  If their complete disregard carries on you WILL have major problems.  Seeing what inconcistecy has done to my nephew has helped DH and I decide that his parents will not be providing childcare.  I don’t care if they feel hurt by that, I would rather a grown up deal with feeling rejected than another kid turning out like my nephew.

Post # 27
Member
1495 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@andreaandchinelo:  I have had similar situations with my own mother, although, not quite as extreme as your’s since my mom would not tolerate the hitting. But as far as the food stuff, I’m with you on that one. I chose to feed my son an organic, clean diet. This is a firm decision. I used to have issues with my mom watching him and letting him have a lot of processed food. I had a few talks with her about how this was my decision and I was providing the food for a reason but it didn’t seem to get through. She justified anytime she gave him crap and really played the grandma card.

So, finally I approached it from a different angle. I got my thoughts together and sat down with her again but instead of “what I say goes because I’m the mom,” I told her about beneficial it was for him to eat in the way that we do at home. I pointed out the positive side effects of a clean diet and I pointed out the negative side effects that I can see in him when he doesn’t eat well (for my son, it’s extremely noticable). I talked to her in a “hey, help me make things better for him since I know you love him so much.” I did my best to not make it patonizing and it seemed to work. Maybe presenting it to her that way made it feel more like it was her idea but I didn’t care. All I know is that now, she’s very aware and I no longer have to provide food for him if he’s going to be staying with her because she shops differently herself. And if she’s ever unsure, she’ll call me up and ask.

I know I got a little long winded but my point is maybe you can try the “team” approach to help them understand what you expect from them.

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