- 2 years ago
- Wedding: October 2017
I love Fiance. I like FI’s family. They’ve been very nice. They’ve been welcoming. However, his parents are forward, and have very strong personalities. This has become a larger issue the closer we get to the wedding. One point in particular is the guest count. We decided on 100 people. Divided up the list fairly equally, and Fiance and his family put their guests in, and my family and I put our guests in. We sent out invites, and invited over 100, knowing some would decline. It worked out pretty perfectly, with 99 RSVPing as yes.
My parents are paying for the wedding, up to a certain amount, then my Fiance and I are paying for what is over that amount. We’re already over budget, so any new costs that come up, have been up to Fiance and I. FMIL wanted an extra invitation, this couple just had to come. I didn’t like it, but fine. I didn’t want to make waves over one extra couple. We’ll pay for that, and it’ll be good will in the family. We never heard anything more, Fiance never really got the invitation to Future Mother-In-Law to give to the couple, and then about a month before the wedding when numbers are due, they still don’t know if the couple can make it, and the rest of FI’s family says they won’t be able to, so we just mark them as decline. At a family party when all this is being discussed, Future Mother-In-Law is talking about texting people I’ve never heard of, that weren’t on the guest list, to invite them via text to the wedding. I bring up that the numbers are due, and my parents are going to the venue to finalize payments and everything. They don’t really react or respond to what I say.
Then, this past weekend, now 2 weeks out from the wedding, with all final numbers turned in, I meet the couple mentioned above, and they say they can’t wait to see me get married. Okay, so they’re coming. Good thing I happened to meet them at this event, or I wouldn’t have known. We’re over our 100 now, but okay. Another couple that RSVPed yes tells us they actually can’t make it. I figure it evens out and move on.
Today, I get a text from FMIL that a couple from out of state, also not on the guest list and never sent them an invitation, is coming and to add them to RSVP. The wedding is next week. I can’t add them to the RSVP. I don’t know what to do without being rude, and Future Mother-In-Law did not ask, rather stated to add them, so I’m in a weird place. Fiance is not on this text either. So, I respond that I cannot add them to the RSVP, because numbers were turned in weeks ago, but Fiance and I will just settle up with the venue after.
I told Fiance to be prepared to pay $134+ after the wedding (I also have a couple on my side who RSVPed “no” with a note that they hoped they could make it), depending on if more get added, or just show from a text message invite we don’t know about. He has always felt that venues are ridiculous, and he doesn’t like the policy (which I’m sure is universal) where you pay for all you RSVP to the venue for, regardless of if less show up, and you pay more if more show up. He says that in the wedding game, all of these vendors are out to get theirs, and we should do our best to get ours. It doesn’t work like that, obviously. He’s offered to speak up to his parents before, because of this type of behavior, but when he has, it hasn’t accomplished anything. I don’t want his relationship with his family to suffer, but I also don’t want to be a doormat. And it’s not as if Future Mother-In-Law doesn’t know how RSVPing for venues and vendors works, because she was just talking about it two weeks ago and how much weddings have changed and how important RSVPing and numbers are now.
I’m not really asking for advice, because I know that either I can suck it up and pay for any extras, and just know that I’m setting myself up for this by not being more firm or I can as politely as possible say that no more can be added. His parents aren’t paying for anything, except the rehearsal dinner and his groom’s cake, so they really have no stake in the guest list for the wedding.