Post # 1
I needed to find a place to vent, and am glad to have found this site, I feel like I’m losing my mind!
I got married a little over a year ago and had asked one of my best friends to be my Maid/Matron of Honor. She happily accepted but then did a terrible job as my MOH! She threw together a shower at the LAST minute (only at the constant proding of my mother). She also threw together a bachelorette party at the last minute too – hardly anyone was able to come, she had actually asked me to re-use my Bridal Shower hat for my Bachelorette Party outfit, did not book a restaurant for dinner (we just haphazardly went to one), and put little to no thought into activities/games for the night. At the end of the night, she was among the first to leave. The one small duty that I had given her of helping to alphabetize my table seating sheet, she totally screwed up on. She refused to get her hair done the way I asked her to (not a big deal), and she wrote her Maid/Matron of Honor toast the morning of my wedding while I was getting my hair/makeup done (a big deal). She also disappeared mid-way through my wedding day shortly after we took pictures and reappeared right before dinner. I didn’t want to be a bridezilla, so I never confronted her about these things…
Anyways, that was a year ago, and now she is getting married and has asked me to be her Maid/Matron of Honor. I spent weeks preparing for her Bridal Shower which was a lot of fun and went off without a hitch! I’ve already spent about two weeks planning for her Bachelorette Party as well as a surprise reception “performance” to be done on the wedding day. I’ve already started writing her toast despite the fact that her wedding is over a month away. I just feel like she does not appreciate at all how much work I have been putting into this vs. the amount of work that she put in for my wedding. I’m not really looking for something gigantic in return, but a simple “thanks for putting on the shower” would have been nice to hear, or a simple confession of “I’m sorry I wasn’t helpful for your wedding, now that I’m a bride I understand” would be sooo great too. But I feel like she doesn’t think that at all.
Part of me just wants to say “ok, it’s pay back!” and forget about planning any of her events, but then that would make me feel terrible as she still is my friend despite her terribleness at being an Maid/Matron of Honor for my wedding. What should I do? Anyone else in the same situation?
Post # 3
I think you need to let it go. Your wedding was a year ago. Technically all a BM/MOH duty is to stand up for the bride and groom. All the other stuff is extra. If you want to do all that stuff for your friend than do it but honestly why do you want to do a “pay back” to me that is rather immature.
Post # 4
I’m sorry you are upset about all of this. Ultimately, I think you should take the high road. She doesn’t seem like the type that really “gets it” so the only way you will feel good about it at the end of the day is to do what you are asked and do the things she didn’t do. Has she said “Thank you” even once?
Post # 5
I know exactly how you feel because for me it was reverse I was the bridesmaid and I put a ton of work into and now I’m getting married. The thing is you have to remember everyone is different. I have been a bridesmaid in several weddings so I have more experience planning than my bridesmaids etc.. It sucks but at the end of the day its a very small part of your wedding, and if you say something or stop planning its likely to put a large strain on your friendship.
I’m sorry that is so annoying and kudos to you for taking the high road and giving her an awesome shower!
Post # 6
What I fail to understand in all these posts complaining about the behavior of friends picked as Maid/Matron of Honor or Bridesmaid or Best Man , is “Did you not have any clue what she was like before you asked her to be your MOH? or before you accepted the invitation to be hers? Or did they change dramatically after they joined your wedding party?
Let go of your disappointment re your own shower/bachelorette. It’s history.
Be the best friend you can be as her Maid/Matron of Honor. Don’t expect good behavior from her and you won’t be disappointed again.
Post # 7
You will just have to let it go. Who knows, maybe she had a lot going on when you got married? I was THAT bridesmaid in my brother’s wedding because to be honest, before I got engaged and found this website, I had no clue what brides expected from their bridesmaids. Honestly I thought you were just supposed to buy a dress and shoes and show up. I get that the Maid/Matron of Honor is supposed to do more but maybe she just didn’t understand her duties and maybe she had some personal issues at the time. Saying to yourself “it’s pay back time!” and not putting forth any effort would be passive aggressive, imo.