(Closed) Venting….or should i have known?

posted 7 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
7300 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

Is this her first baby? Most first time moms are SUPER cautious about everything. I remember making people use lint rolls, wash their hands, rinse out their mouths if they were smoking, ect before letting them come or hold my daughter when we first got home. I don’t think I even went anywhere in the winter with her. 

It just sounds like you guys are growing up and growing apart. Life becomes so busy at times. Some days I barely have time to be on the phone for a minute. 

I’m glad you aren’t cutting ties with her though. 

Post # 4
Member
1501 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I’m sorry to hear this. It must be very hard to go through. You are right that it isn’t something to end a friendship over but it is obvious the friendship has changed. Be there for her and hopefully she will come around.

Post # 5
Member
8353 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2011

I am sorry you are not taking this well, but she will have just had a baby and I don’t blame her for not wanting to travel with an infant. The baby would be exposed to all sorts of germs; not something I would have wanted to expose my kids to when they were that young. All airplanes do is recycle air from what is already in the plane. There are many sick people that travel on planes. Even if she were to drive, it is too long of a trip to take with an infant that is that young. And, it is also too long of a trip for her to have to take just after having a baby. She is going to be exhausted and probably will not have fully adjusted to having a baby in her life. I think you should be the bigger person and accept the fact that she has let you know well in advance that she will not be available for your wedding. I don’t think she is being selfish at all. And I think that as her “friend” you should be excited for her that she is doing so well with her life.

Post # 5
Member
287 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Its tough how friendships change over the years. Though honestly, I think her choice made sense.  Planes are full of germs, I fly a ton and I don’t think I’ve ever seen a baby that young on a plane.  Not to mention if the baby ends up being late and is born even closer to the wedding.  I think she was justified in stepping down.

Post # 7
Member
125 posts
Blushing bee

HOnestly, I can understand her response. I would never travel with a newborn that soon unless it was an absolute necessity.  I just think you need to understand this, and realize that the baby is more important than your wedding.  I have 4 kids, so I completely understand where she is coming from.  The baby is way too young to be travelling like that.  I rarely took my kids out of the house till they were 6 weeks or older.

Post # 8
Member
939 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

i think your friend did make the right choice, however, i too would be upset at the abruptness of the “no”  from what you said, there was really no “oh, im so sorry, i wish i could come, but unfortunately i can’t,  i’m so sad about it” blah blah blah.  that’s how i would expect a real friend to respond.  So i definitely understand where you’re coming from

Post # 9
Member
1370 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I understand where you’re coming from.

My cousin just dropped out of my wedding (2.5 weeks before the wedding) because she didn’t want to leave her 2 year old overnight, she would only be 20 min away.

It’s sad, but something you just have to deal with…there are other people who are excited to be a part of your day and that’s a lot to be thankful for

Post # 10
Member
518 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

You can fly with a newborn if it’s absolutely necessary but you really shouldn’t until a baby is about six weeks old. She is making the right decision for her and her child, but there’s no real reason for her to throw in “it’s cold there.”

Post # 11
Member
6351 posts
Bee Keeper

I would not fly with my child at that age. A three hour flight is a loooooong time with a baby.

Post # 12
Member
2 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I completely see why she stepped down but she could have done it with a little more thought to your feelings. She could have CALLED you to explain the situation and to at least let you know that she really did want to be there. 

The hardest part about growing up is when your best friendships change. I feel for you but I know that your wedding day will still be fantastic! 

Post # 13
Member
464 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I was actually told by my Dr that you shouldnt fly with a baby preferably until 3 months (we waited that long to bring my daughter to my dads home town) but can by 6 weeks. They say this because of the pressure of the plane and their ears. Too much pressure and it can cause pain and sometimes damage. Then there is the germ issue. The air in the plane is circulated and everyone is in tight quarters, thats why people are more likely to get sick. A baby that old doesnt have a developed immune system.

Yes she was abrupt, and could have told you softer, but I think her reasoning is vaild.

Post # 14
Member
3255 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I agree with PPs that telling you through an abrupt text with little explanation at first was not sensitive on her part, but I can see where she’s coming from in not wanting to fly with an infant.

It sounds like she is at a hard place right now, so try not to take it too personally even though it is your best friend. It doesn’t mean she doesn’t care about your wedding or the fact that you are getting married; she just has a lot to figure out right now, or so it seems from what you’ve explained to us here. 

Post # 15
Member
7413 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

It sucks how she handled it but I actually agree with her. Sorry your feeling down about it.

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