(Closed) Vent…questioning if now is the time to get married.

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
2259 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Granted, this is not the wedding of your dreams…. but it sounds like you want to marry this guy! My advice: is it worth putting off a wedding to have the wedding you want… if it means you will be apart from him when he goes away? From what I hear from so many brides, the day goes by so fast…. you hardly remember most of it anyway! In the end, big fancy or tiny small, a wedding is a ceremony resulting in you being together. 

Is it worth going through with the small wedding just to be together now? Only you can answer that. For some girls, their wedding day is more important than others. I am not having the wedding of my dreams but we are making the best of it… you can still have a beautiful wedding for 1k !  As for everything else, yes that IS overwhelming. 🙁 I’m sorry things are so hard for you guys right now. 

Post # 5
1723 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I think you have to weigh the 2 options and figure out which you want more:  1)  to be with him or 2)  the wedding of your dreams.  You can have a small, intimate ceremony now and a larger vow renewal later.  Also, there are many military benefits that you can only take advantage of as a spouse.  You could still go with him to Navy school and get married after that if you decide a large wedding is more important.  And a ring can always be upgraded.  Get a nice wedding band!

My ending thoughts are this:  A large wedding really isn’t a necessity in order for you to be married and it sounds like you really want to go with him where he goes.  If you know you’re going to get married, go for it!  You guys can experience your 20’s together.  Just because you’re married doesn’t mean you can’t have fun.

Post # 6
111 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I’m sorry that you’re stressed. The wedding stuff – small ceremony, no rehearsal, moms making the food – is probably not something you would regret. Lots of people have small weddings, and you could always have a vow renewal or anniversary party if you wanted to celebrate with a larger group later.

The concerns about moving for college, and about regreting getting married so soon, sound much more serious. What would be the harm in waiting? Yes, you would be apart from him while he’s in bootcamp, but you could go to school. Be married before you can support yourself – I mean you, individually, rather than you as a couple – means that you have no back-up plan. How does your Fiance feel about you uprooting yourself? Did you make the decision about the Navy jointly, or did he decide that unilaterally? If he’s in the Navy, you’re going to have to be able to live long-distance sometimes anyway, depending on his assignment.

I hope everything works out! Just keep in mind that postponing is always an option. You do sound like you have a strong relationship and you really love your Fiance. Waiting for a year or two to save some money, go to school, and plan the wedding that you really want is not a bad idea. Best of luck!

Post # 7
1854 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

ditto @Canuba

Note: My opinion is extremely biased because I married young and later wished I hadn’t; I gave up on my dream school/career, and now wish I hadn’t.  I’m slowly getting to a place, 7 yrs later, where I am building the life I wish I had been living all along, and now with a 2yr old and divorce in the mix. 

Wait.  If you’re with the right man, he’s going to be the right man for the rest of your life, and a year or two isn’t going to change that.  Go to school, get a few more years under your belt, and then build the life of your dreams with the man of your dreams.

Post # 8
289 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

If you are certain about your relationship, getting married now is a good idea. Even if you don’t live together at the moment, you will still get BAH which makes a huge difference in income. Plus, you’ll get healthcare and other spousal benefits. Did you know you could get money towards an associates degree or licensing program? Also, you’ll be considered a resident of any state you move to (for tuition purposes, huge deal!) after 30 days instead of 1-3 years. You’ll be eligibile for more scholarships and financial aid. 

Being married in the military often means a long distance relationship. We’re dual military, and won’t be living together for another 2 years because of his duty station and my education. There are definitely ways to be together though. You could get an associates degree at his first duty station, then transfer to a four year school close to the second one, be together and still get a traditional classroom college education.

You do have options on HOW you get married. Lots of military couples start off doing a small ceremony or courthouse elopement and plan a big wedding for later. You could also have a simple ceremony now and let your friends and family know you’ll be celebrating with a reception in a couple of years. You’ll meet a lot of people in the military who have gone both routes. 

Post # 9
4822 posts
Honey bee

View original reply
@canuba: This was my first thought.

Wedding stuff is your decision and as others have said is about you two and you could always try to do a renewal for your 10 year anniversary or something.

The other social,  health and education reasons ARE reasons you may want to really consider delaying. The right education can really make a difference in getting a job, in getting the job you want and making you proud of what and who you are.  Getting married young works for some and not others.

And being healthy is really important. Not just for your wedding day, but because you will be moving and with no family or friend support. Your Fiance will be very busy once you move.

Can you handle the stress of a new married life, moving, education and healh issues by yourself?

Post # 12
1199 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

There may never be a “right” time to get married.  If he’s your guy, then thats all that matters.  You can always do a vow renewal or upgrade your ring(s) down the line.  Just make sure that if you want to get your degree, you can do that while you’re travelling with him!

And planning a wedding is stressfull regardless of how big or small, rushed or not rushed, so it’s not just you!

Good luck!

Post # 14
62 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Sorry that you are going through this! Like PPs have said, it sounds like you really want to be with him.


I like the suggestion of a small ceremony now and then maybe a bigger one, say on your 5th anniversary? I was a Bridesmaid or Best Man for a friend who got married at the Justice of the Peace due to the fact that she wanted to offically adopt his daughter before something happened with the ex-wife. (can’t remember exact details)

But then they did the big wedding a year after they were married at the Justice of the Peace. It was still beautiful and meaningful.

As far as school, have you looked into doing some or all of it online? I go to the University of Phoenix, but there are also many other choices.


Best of luck to you!!

Post # 16
3135 posts
Sugar bee

View original reply

Yuppity-yup yup to what you’ve said! 🙂


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