Post # 1
Hi guys! So we are starting wedding planning. I am having some trouble with my parents and would love some perspective. I am happy to know if I am in the wrong or if any of you have advice or suggestions. I will start off by saying my parents are paying for the wedding. I do not think they ‘have to’ (I didn’t ask) but culturally, they feel obligated to invite a ton of people, some of whom I’ve never met, and there’s no way I could afford a wedding with all their guests; culturally they also feel obligated to pay. I personally would be happy eloping, however, my guy loves a party and my parents do want this big event, so I feel like I should be able to compromise to make them happy, and I am totally happy to do that. I want everyone to enjoy it. However, we are having an issue because, for the most part, the type of wedding/venue my guy and I want differs from that of my parents. We love a rustic feel of a farm, an inn, something on water, a barn, things like that. We love wood, natural light, outdoor spaces. My parents want a more banquety place, but I thnk this is mostly due to their guest count and they have not been to any weddings outside their own culture which always ends up being in gaudy banquet halls – they are willing to compromise with me, however it has been incredibly difficult to find the types of places I love with the guest count they want. Today we saw a gorgeous place I fell in love with, but with the added cost of extra guests, there was a surcharge that ended up making the place too expensive. I am at a loss of what to do. My personal dream wedding would be in a beautiful inn on lake michigan with just my and his whole extended familiies (destination); and maybe a reception later at a central locale. Anyone have any suggestions or perspective? Hopefully I explained it sufficiently; if not, please ask me questions to clarify. Thank you!
Post # 2
How bad would the fall out be if you told your parents that you were paying for the wedding yourselves and inviting who you wanted?
Otherwise it sounds like you’re just gonna have to suck it up and maybe compromise on the ceremony vs reception. For example get married where you want and then have the reception where they want.
Post # 3
Unfortunately, if you aren’t paying, they get A LOT of say. Especially if your venues don’t fit their guest count, you are really facing an uphill battle.
You do have some choices!
Talk to them, and look at cutting the list down. Maybe you dont need to invite your cousins barber, but can keep the family butcher?
Find a different compromise – not a barn, not a banquet space. There must be some sort of light and bright place to hold a shit load of people?
Pay for your own wedding.
Post # 4
My personal dream wedding would be in a beautiful inn on lake michigan with just my and his whole extended familiies (destination); and maybe a reception later at a central locale.
Have you discussed this idea with your parents? The two of you could pay for your own wedding (the one you want) and your parents could host a larger reception at a banquet hall.
Post # 5
You know what, I have not! Guess I was so overwhelmed today that I didn’t think about that! I will see what everyone thinks about that.
chrissybee : I feel like it could be pretty bad if I said I was going to pay for myself. Thanks for your perspective and suggestion. Perhaps divvying up who picks the ceremony and reception spaces would be a compromise that works, and I will bring that up.
jellybellynelly : I agree and completely understand that they have a lot of say given they are funding the event. The choices you suggested are great, and I will look into them. They don’t seem to want to show me their list though, I’m guessing because they know I’m going to be like um who’s this person, etc.! Anyway, we will look into compromises in terms of venues!