Post # 1
My fiance and I are planning a post elopement party/reception/second wedding that will take place 3-4 weeks after our actual elopement, so things are already a bit nontraditional. Every single one of our friends and family are very supportive of this and are all in on the idea.
We don’t have the money to rent a venue and a family friend has allowed us to use their private property for the event, and all for free. They only have one rule, no kids under 12.
I’m personally ok with this. I wasn’t planning on having a no kid wedding but since we don’t have that many friends or family with children under 12 (save for a couple infants) it’s really not a big issue for me. HOWEVER, my finace has an 8-year-old niece that he says must be there. In addition to this, his parents raise her, so if she can’t come there is a possibility that his parents might not come either.
I don’t feel comfortable asking our family friend to bend their one and only rule, especially when they’re being so gracious. Even if kids were allowed, my fiance’s niece would have been the only kid there, so one of my arguements is that she will be very bored. Our only other option is that we don’t have a party, which is fine, but I was starting to get excited about this.
I feel like I’m mostly venting but I am wondering how I should navigate this. Am I being unreasonable for wanting to respect the property owners wishes and not allowing the niece to come? Should I try to get the property owner to make an exception? Should I tell my future in-laws that the 8-year-old cannot come, no exceptions? Do we just scrap the whole party?
Post # 2
I don’t think anyone is being unreasonable, but your Fiance wants this kid there, so the 12+ rule doesn’t work. You can ask if they’d allow her, or you can find a new venue. Its great that they offered their property, but if it doesnt work for your needs there is no harm in turning it down. You can easily rent out a park space for free or cheap, you don’t need a fancy venue if you can’t afford it.
Post # 3
Am I being unreasonable for wanting to respect the property owners wishes and not allowing the niece to come? – No
Should I try to get the property owner to make an exception? – Depends on your relationship with them but I would say No, respect their decision.
Should I tell my future in-laws that the 8-year-old cannot come, no exceptions? Again depends on the relationship with them and how they would react, but this would be my first option.
Do we just scrap the whole party? – For an 8 year old who literally won’t give a &*!#@ if she is invited or not? Definitely not!
I get it, my husband also has a niece, we love her very much, but I really wouldn’t be dictating something so big such as a venue around her for my wedding. She’s a kid, she’s hardly going to hold it against ya’ll.. OR find another venue that will allow her to be there.
Post # 4
Cancelling an entire party for an 8 year is redicilous and dumb.. you don’t get to have a reception because of a kid that trust me does not even want to be there and highly unlikely will even remember and certainly wont care..
Absolutely do not ask hosts, they are already being super gracious as is.. you don’t get to bend the rules when you are not paying.
His parents wont come? Shes 8… its easy to find sitters.. shes not a newborn.
Post # 5
Why don’t you and your fiancé have an honest conversation with his parents. Tell them that the venue you can use for free doesn’t allow children and ask them if they’re ok with that and give them enough advanced notice to find a babysitter. I found when I mentioned I might want a child free wedding that some people were super on board about it and some were not at all. But you won’t know until you ask! also wanted to mention in the town I live park facility rentals are super cheap so maybe you could look into that.
Post # 6
you are jumping to extreme options.
is a babysitter not an option?
Post # 7
Please do not ask your friends who so generously have offered their place to make an exception; putting them on the spot would be truly unfair to them.
Post # 8
- Wedding: November 2020 - North Carolina
I agree that if she would be the only one there then she may be bored. You definitely shouldn’t scrap your whole party for one child either. It’s going to much easier (and cheaper) to find a sitter for the child than to find a completely new venue. Explain this to your inlaws. Tell them that your friends are letting you use the venue completely free and that you don’t feel it’s respectful to ask them to bend their one and only rule for just one child. I’m sure they’ll be understanding.
Post # 9
Eh, I might ask if they could bend the rule for one 8 year old. I’m a BIG fan of “no kids” weddings, but one 8 year old (assuming she’s normally behaved) shouldn’t be a problem. They can still say no. You can mention it casually, like “Thank you so much for offering to use your property. Unfortunately my husband’s 8 yo neice needs to be there, so we can’t take you up on your offer unless you would be willing to make an exception for her. If not, I totally understand.”
If he wants her there and she’s important to his parents, I’d make the exception and find something to make it work for her to be there.
Post # 11
if it is truly a dealbreaker for your fiance that his niece must be there, i would either ask the venue if they would make an exception for one child (i am guessing the 12+ rule is likely aimed at small children who might make a mess or larger groups of kids who might get rowdy– i don’t see what one 8 year would do), or look into other venue options. are you planning to pay for the food at this event? there are places where you can rent space without paying an additional “venue fee” if you are planning to order food/bev.
Post # 12
has some good wording there ctsh :
not cross or petulant or begging either. I would go with that, providing you are prepared to find another venue.
I know some people are saying the parents/guardians can easily find her a babysitter but that’s not the issue is it? She is wanted by your fi to whom she sounds more like a baby sister rather than just a niece. .
Post # 13
I wouldn’t ask the hosts. Their house, their rules.
Canceling over an 8 year old? That’s extreme.its your wedding! I understand she’s close but it shouldn’t come down to all or nothing because of her. Get a sitter. If his parents won’t come over that, then that’s their decision. Try to explain it’s nothing against your niece.
Post # 14
Since you are able to save money by getting this property for free you have some money to work with. Why not turn this into a positive thing so no one is hurt? Why don’t you sponsor a separate Childrens Wedding Tea party before the main event where the kids can attend? You can wear a casual dress for the event. Make a small kids wedding cake, and you can cut the cake, etc. Then when you are having the reception, hire a babysitter who can entertain the kids somewhere nearby. Watch movies, etc. The kids will feel included but you will have an adult only event with no hard feelings.
Post # 17
- Wedding: November 2025 - City, State
This is an extremely reasonable place for your fiance to put his foot down. It’s his niece who his parents are raising, family doesn’t get much closer than that. A guy who puts people first, over some party, is the right kind of guy to be marrying.
Sure, some kids don’t want to go to an adult party, but some 8-year-old girls would be absolutely thrilled to attend a wedding… and some get dragged along to important family events because the family values their presence. That’s valid too.
I agree with the approach of telling the family friends, “We really appreciate your offer, but there is one 8-year-old who is a must-invite. If it isn’t possible for her to attend at your property, then we will cancel or find another location. Thank you so much for offering.” Once they know it’s a single third grade girl, they might make an exception. If not, at least you won’t snub one very important young person in your lives.