Post # 16
I do understand that. But they will have a daughter in law who eats beef. It sounds like they have a son who actually eats beef. So, at some point, despite what our religious or moral convictions may be, we all have to deal with what our reality is. Their reality is that not everyone in their family believes what they believe. I think it’s dangerous territory when we believe that some people’s beliefs don’t need to accommodate for reality. We all need to moderate our beliefs somewhat to understand that I can believe something with every cell of my being, but you may not, and that’s OK. You get to be you and I get to be me. I don’t think the solution is for others to pretend they are the same.
And if his family cannot cope with the reality of having a daughter in law who does not believe what they believe and doesn’t live how they feel is the correct way to live, this is a much bigger issue than a menu.
Post # 17
Did you get to try the pork and the chicken? I would personally try both and see which is tastier there. Then if your family says “Hmm, no steak?” You can say “I usually pick steak too, but the Pork is their speciality, it’s SO good” (or chicken). If you try them both and they are equally boring, I would pick chicken because it reaches a broader audience. There are some religions that don’t each pork, for example…
Post # 18
Fiance is actually not religious, but he is vegetarian (he’s a physician, so its a mix of health and animal cruelty reasons), so it’s hard for him to understand why I would be so insistent on having beef especially since he doesn’t want to offend his parents either. He actually brought it up to his mom, and she agreed that it would be an issue to offer it.
Thanks for the suggestion! We haven’t been to the tasting yet, but hopefully they are both tasty options. I plan on just telling family/friends the truth- that we can’t offer it for religious/cultural reasons, but i doubt any of my family would even ask about it even if they notice LOL.
Post # 19
I’m assuming the people who will be attending go to grocery stores, job related functions, and restaurants Where beef is served. I don’t really see how it’s any different to attend a wedding where others are consuming beef when you’re offering them other options. Your wedding is your day and should be reflective of exactly that. It’s not reasonable or polite for guests to expect you to conform to their cultural norms at an event you’re funding and hosting.
I don’t complain about not having bacon while eating breakfast at my Jewish friend’s home any more than she would be offended to find pork chops in my fridge.
Post # 20
Oh well can you taste before you pick? I didn’t mean to necessarily lie but to have something good to say about your alternative 🙂
Post # 21
This would not be the hill I choose to die on if I were you. Start off on a good note with his parents.
Ok, but if you had your Jewish friend over, would you serve a meal of pork chops for yourself and a meal without pork chops to her? Pork chops in the fridge is not analogous what we are talking about here.
For example, when I have my vegetarian friend over, I don’t cook meat. I make a vegetarian meal. It’s a simple thing that makes her feel welcome. This doesn’t mean that I don’t have meat in the fridge or that I don’t eat meat, it’s just that I don’t serve meat when I have her over for a meal.
No, OP’s Fiance is vegetarian. Not sure where you got this idea from that he eats beef since OP said that her Fiance was vegetarian in the OP.
I wouldn’t expect vegetarians to serve me meat at their wedding, I wouldn’t expect pork or alcohol at a Muslim wedding, and I wouldn’t expect Hindus to serve beef. If these people revere cows for cultural and religious reasons, I can definitely see how they would be offended to have that served at an event where their son and FDIL are choosing the menu.
If the one thing that OP can do to make them feel comfortable is not to eat beef in their presence then I feel like that’s not that big a deal. I don’t cook meat when I have my vegetarian friend over. I don’t serve pork when I have my Jewish or Muslim friend over. I’m not going to invite my Muslim friend out for a drink. That doesn’t mean that I need to adhere to their belief system, it just means that if they’re uncomfortable being directly surrounded by something that goes against their beliefs, I can choose to be an accomodating person. And that is okay. I don’t mind, and I don’t have to do those things in front of them.
No one has said that OP needs to stop eating beef. You seem to be taking this idea way extreme. If OP’s Future In-Laws are asking OP to please not eat beef in front of them or serve it at events they are attending due to religious beliefs, she can choose to go along with it (which is clearly what her Fiance wants to do) or not. Yeah it may be a little overbearing, but it’s honestly not that big of a deal. They are not telling her how to live her life. They are expressing what they are and are not comfortable with.
Post # 22
I don’t eat *most* pork products. I don’t have cultural or religious restrictions, I just get queasy thinking about it. (I love bacon though yummmmmmmmmmm). I personally don’t think that you should ask your fiancé to reconsider the beef option. I think a wedding also celebrates both sets of parents and so I feel like they shouldn’t have to compromise their morals and beliefs. 😊
I read your menu menu options and holy cow (pun intended), they sound delicious! I think the 2nd chicken option sounds best. I would eat ANY of those fish options though! Yum!
Good luck choosing 😊
Post # 23
Thanks to everyone for their advice! it’s interesting to hear both sides of the issue, and it’s helped me feel better about my decision. I’m guessing I have to change a few of my canape picks now too, since one consists of “mini beef wellington” lol.
Oh I completely agree, it’s a great idea and i might use it! 😉 Yup, we can definitely pick after tasting, and change the menu options anytime until 2 weeks before the wedding, which is a huge relief!
I agree with you, I definitely don’t think this is worth starting WWIII over.
Thank you! I’m getting hungry thinking about all the food already haha