Verbally attacked today over 'Thin Privilege'? I can't.

posted 3 years ago in The Lounge
Post # 31
200 posts
Helper bee

I hate to tell you but yes, I find this to be the norm.  If someone dares to call a woman overweight, all hell will break loose.  But if someone makes derogatory comments about you being small/skinny, everyone else can laugh along and it’s no big deal.  

Such a double standard and quite annoying.  She shouldn’t have said a thing to you…sounds like she must be self conscious to pull that from your asking her if she wanted to try it.

As for thin privilege…what a joke!! Oh yes, I find it such a privilege to have to either shop in a children’s section or spend loads of money at a petite store to find clothing that fits.  Finding well fitting, affordable clothing can be just as difficult and expensive for plus size and skinny petite woman, so shaming from both sides just needs to stop.

Post # 32
304 posts
Helper bee

She sounds like she was definitely projecting, sorry you had to go through that.  Being OBESE does pose serious health issues, if someone thinks they don’t they need to do some reading.  Especially for women (unfortunately), there are relationships between increased adipose tissue, estrogen, and cancers.  Extra weight poses stress on your joints – etc etc etc.  So health insurances charging more insurance for being obese (not merely ‘overweight’) has sound basis.

I would’ve been really annoyed by the ‘thin privilege’ comment. I definitely would be civil with her, but nothing more.  I also think some of the comments you’ve gotten so far are really aggressive in response to your post… just imo.

Post # 33
3332 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

Thin privilege is absolutely a thing, and instead of just listening to her and learning about it, you tried to argue about it lol. Nice job. If someone said you had white privilege and then listed a bunch of reasons and you tried to argue with them about how that’s justified? Would NOT go over well.

Anyways. Her reaction was out of line, as was name calling. But your reasons are BS. A crop top at AA can be just as expensive if not moreso than a T-shirt at AA. Why are you bringing 2 brands into it? That’s not what she was saying.

Also, your reasons about insurance. Someone who is thicker and excersizes weekly is far healthier than a very small anorexic person. But according to you, they should penalize the healthier person just because they weigh more? No girl, no.

Anyways. I think you should apologize to her and say that you didnt mean to upset her and hope she can forgive you and move on.

Post # 34
5954 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

Well, we only got one side of the story. “Would you like a bite of my salad?” seems like it wouldn’t set anyone off. So maybe there was more talk of thinness before that? I can’t imagine asking a total stranger if she wants a bite of my lunch and it’s not like that sald was a rabbit salad. That salad was highly caloric so am not sure how she could take offense.

PS- and bigger clothes do cost more than smaller clothes in some places. And some health insurances are indeed weighing their subscribers and charging you more if you are out of what they consider the healthy range. Not that any of that is your problem.

Post # 35
132 posts
Blushing bee

Just to add into the conversation—being thin is by no means an indicator of your health anymore than being thicker is. That “healthy” thin person could have a massive eating disorder, or eat complete junk, or be on drugs that keep them thin and not take care of their body. Do they deserve to have better health care than the heavier person who eats right and  frequently and works out? I have skinny friends who treat their bodies terribly, but have fast metabolisms so everyone thinks they are incredibly healthy. I have heavier friends and family who spend every meal inputting their nutrients into MyFitnessPal and go for nightly runs who are much healthier than the thin friends. 

If you want to look at clothes costs, compare within a brand. Crop tops & bikinis at Walmart cost more  than shirts at Walmart, crop tops and bikinis at American apparel cost more than shirts from AA(no idea if they do or not, but that would be the fairest comparison). Then compare the plus prices within the same brand.     I’ve never done this so I’d be interested to see if it pans out and for what brands a “fat tax” is true.

I’m not justifying what she did as right. I think she was majorly projecting some insecurities onto you. But I do strongly believe that thin privilege is a legitimate thing. 

Post # 37
8099 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

yourhandinmine :  honestly, screw her. In college I had a roommate that CONSTANTLY bullied me for being thin until I finally lost it and said “if I bullied you for being fat the rest of the world would think I was a bitch, but it’s ok for you to do it because I’m really thin? I’ve struggled to gain weight for years and I don’t need your comments on my body”. The rest of our roommates who had been trying to get her to cut me a break for months cheered. And for what it’s worth later in life I struggled with being overweight too so I know both sides of the coin. It’s best for people to just shut up and leave other people’s bodies alone.

Post # 38
9961 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

yourhandinmine :  I just wanted to say I love Cheddars.

Cheap food, holla!

Post # 39
3396 posts
Sugar bee

To be a fly on the wall at that lunch…

Post # 41
757 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

Wow, I am really shocked by somre replies. What you guys are still not offended by? What next, a “smart privilege”? How dare I have a better life because I have a better job because I am way smarter than the average person?

People should just be and let others be… ;(

Post # 45
5883 posts
Bee Keeper

I’ve been on both sides of this. I’ve been the chubbier splurger and the thinner salad eater. 

As the splurger: My weight during my adult years has been all over the map (especially when I got older and my love of sports and the gym wasn’t enough to keep things in check). So yeah, if I decided to splurge on my diet – or was ‘between diets’ lol and I was at a restaurant ordering pizza and beer and wings and my younger, thinner, hotter teammate/friend was sipping club soda and noshing on raw veggies, then yes, the green-eyed jealousy bitch in me was wishing she was scarfing down pizza too so I wouldn’t have to feel guilty indulging alongside her superior will power. If I was PMSing I might even momentarily wish cellulite or ass warts on her smug self. But MOMENTARILY only. Because then the rational part of my brain would kick in and I’d realize this was all on me. That this “Bitch Eating Crackers” didn’t actually do anything wrong, that I’m the one in need of an attitude adjustment, not her. It’s not her fault if I’m not happy with my body or if I feel guilty for what I ordered and she wasn’t acting smug or self-righteous at all, that was me projecting that on her. 

As the salad eater: Okay, whether I’m dieting or not I freaking LOVE salads. And yes, totally agree that not all of them are DIET salads. I love Greek salad with grilled chicken and I love South west Tex Mex style salads- anything with chipotle!. These salads, while they do have fresh veggies and some protein, probably have more fat and calories than the average burger. But some people are bound to lump all salads into one category and assume the only possible reason you can be eating them is to be on some insufferably smug diet regime. But I also know that any time I’ve ordered a salad as a main course it’s either 1. Because I wanted a salad or 2. I’m making a conscious effort to eat healthier. At no point in my decision to order a salad am I judging anybody else or trying to make somebody feel bad about themselves. It’s true, when I’ve been eating healthier and looking better, I feel better. But this is about self-confidence, not feeling that I’m better than anybody. 

So, no, this woman’s over the top outburst is not the norm. Especially not in a public restaurant with co-workers at a fairly new-ish job. Either she has a huge chip on her shoulder and is very easily offended- even when no offense was intended. Or she knows she over-reacted and is embarrassed by her outburst. Time will tell which one. If she offers you a sincere apology, accept it. If she doesn’t, I’d keep a civil level of workplace interaction with her but limit socializing with her outside the workplace. 

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