Verbally attacked today over 'Thin Privilege'? I can't.

posted 3 years ago in The Lounge
Post # 122
Member
222 posts
Helper bee

yourhandinmine :  totally on your side here. She sounds insane. It’s like she is so self-absorbed she interprets everything as an insult to herself, those kind of people think everyone “looks at them funny”, is “judging them” etc. They love the drama!

I am thin, not skinny (bmi of 19.4) but I have a small waist and hourglass shape. I often get strangers (women) coming up behind me and squeezing my waist, asking me if I’m wearing a corset, stuff like that. I find it really creepy! I remember one time a lady at work (the office manager) said to me in front of the whole office “ugh you’re so skinny… I hate you” in what she thought was a joking way.

But what I have experienced is nothing compared to my Darling Husband, so it’s not just women who are subject to this. He has a very fast metabolism, goes to the gym, eats loads, but is really skinny. His bmi is 17.2, and he has put on weight since we got married. It used to be 16.4. But there is nothing wrong with him!

However, people love to make comments about it. I’m sure he gets far more comments than an overweight person, because it’s more accepted to make personal remarks about a thin person’s weight.  An acquaintance even came up us both at my Mum’s funeral to tell us that he needs to put on some weight. I felt I had to staunchly defend him because we were both feeling fragile and tell her “no, actually he is fine the way he is.” I had to repeat this multiple times to her before she would stop. NOT something I wanted to be doing at such an occasion.., as if I wasn’t stressed or upset enough!

In other words, people suck.

Post # 123
Member
227 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I just wanna say Yes, I would like a bite of your pasta. The first time a friendly stranger at a meet-up offered me a bite of their food, I was floored that someone who didn’t know me would offer food like that, so good on you! Yeah, this sort of thing almost tends to fall in the “politics” category so I would have just laughed it off and changed the topic before getting on her spiral.

Post # 124
Member
2644 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

She just wanted to be mad so she found a reason. If you had ordered nachos or something she probably would have gotten mad at you for not needing to worry about the calories.

Post # 126
Member
1593 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

yourhandinmine :  She obviously has her own insecurities that she is projecting because unless you have left out a significant chunk of the story, you didn’t do anything to provoke that reaction.

I do actually agree with her that food shaming of women is a real thing, especially when you work in female dominated environments. Half the women in my workplace eat a small sandwich or salad for lunch. That’s cool. I personally prefer a small hot meal to keep me going until dinner. I never say “gee, that’s not much food” or “rabbit food!” to these women, but I often get “wow, that’s a big lunch” or similar comments. I admit, when I’m having a low self esteem day I do tend to read that as a thinly veiled “you’re fat” comment, but I recognise that’s my own insecurities at play and don’t have a go at someone for what is a dumb, but not intentionally cutting comment.

Post # 127
Member
462 posts
Helper bee

Whether skinny privelage is a thing or not and whether your salad was 200cals or 2,000cals has zero bearing on the appropriateness of her actions, especially given that it’s a work environment. Raise interesting points for intelligent conversation, sure; don’t throw shit fits like a toddler. I generally wouldn’t bother trying to have a discussion or debate with somebody who just wants to blindly argue – you’ll just end up exchanging crazies.

I’m glad you’re going to put this on HR’s radar as this coworker has already shown herself to be irrational and unpredictable.

Post # 128
Member
469 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

I was 230 lbs (5’4″) and no one said ever anything about my weight (mom did, but that’s different, society didn’t).  I went down to 113 lbs (because of my height this is still a normal BMI) and people felt free like making comments left and right.  Could I have the nutritional menu please?  You don’t look like you need the nutritional menu.  I don’t look like I need the nutritional menu BECAUSE I use the nutritional menu.

I wanted to have a piece of New Year’s cake for the significance and grabbed a piece (as in a forkful) and someone said I was too skinny and to eat a slice or two. Took all I had not to say And you are too fat you could live without a slice (the person was overweight).

I met my husband moved in got married (I had never hugged or done anything else with a man before and I was 36…. I was waiting for my soulmate and he showed up) and it set off my binge eating again big time (huge good emotions are still huge emotions) and I went up to 205.2 lbs.  Got it back under control (day 107 without a binge!) and dropped 29.2 lbs so far since I started 8/19… .8 lbs and I won’t be obese anymore!

NO ONE mentions anything about my weight or what I eat or tells me I should eat more or less.  I had constant comments when I was skinny (and I used to do triathlons and marathons and did a full Ironman so frail I was not).

I think it’s ok to bully skinny people in today’s society.  When I get skinny again I won’t hold my tongue.  I won’t be rude and won’t use weight against people (when I first lost the weight I told myself I would never forget where “I came from”) and I never have, but I will totally say things like “I don’t think it is ok to make comments about other people’s bodies,” maybe add something like “The media does that enough, we women should stick together and stand up for each other” (because a man has NEVER commented on my body, it’s always women).

Post # 129
Member
836 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

yourhandinmine :  I get this a lot. Women are spiteful when it comes to weight. I’ve been bigger and smaller. I’ve found that the worst comments always come from bigger ppl. Maybe this bitch should chill the fuck out 

Post # 130
Member
469 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

tiffanybruiser :  Thin shaming is TOTALLY as damaging as fat shaming.  It’s body shaming, and neither is ok.  I have been a subject of both, but surprisingly much more about thin shaming.  Thin shaming has a lot of times triggered my binge eating and made me gain weight, triggered because of people’s comments of how skinny I was.

 

Body shaming is unacceptable period, no matter what kind of body shaming it is, and just as damaging no matter the shape of the person being subjected to it.

Post # 131
Member
836 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

gatordeb :  it is not okay at all to bully thinner ppl or bigger ppl. How damned rude? 

Post # 132
Member
12093 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

yourhandinmine :  Your choosing that particular time and place for those remarks came across as lashing back at someone who had hurt your feelings. Claiming it was at that point  an “intellectual” debate on whether it’s acceptable to charge an overweight premium comes across as either disingenuous or tone deaf on your part. 

It’s ironic that you are accusing this person of being oblivious to your true intentions but don’t understand how your remarks would certainly upset her, considering the backdrop of what had just happened. 

 

Post # 133
Member
524 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

I refuse to further engage in conversation where I am accused of something that I neither intended nor that there is evidence of. Once you have recovered your emotions I would be happy to discuss culture, women and food but for now you need to back off and stop staring at my tasty dish. 

Post # 134
Member
7816 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

gatordeb :  Thin shaming is not okay but I completely disagree that it’s as damaging as fat shaming–at least on a macro level. A previous commenter mentioned how she gets way more comments about her body now that she’s skinny than she did when she was overweight. I believe this…and actually I’ve had the same experience since I lost about 20 lbs (people comment more on my body now that I’m very skinny than they did when I was a little plump). But the thing is, those comments about my thinness are the product of a world that celebrates thinness and demonizes fatness. The previous commenter said that when she asks for the nutritional menu, people say “you don’t look like you need the nutritional menu.” This comment is rooted in fat shaming, not thin shaming. You don’t need the nutritional menu…because your body is already okay. “Eat a hamburger”…because you’re already thin, i.e. correct, and you can afford to. These comments may be delivered in a snarky or sarcastic way…but that doesn’t change the fact that they are the product of a society that glorifies thin bodies.

I just feel like a lot of people who try to equate thin shaming to fat shaming are deliberately ignoring the purple elephant in the room….which is the fact that we live in a society that CELEBRATES thin bodies, that tells us you need to lose weight and be skinny. That’s why I don’t get it when skinny people try to act like victims because they see a one-off ad in a magazine saying something like “real women have curves.” Ok? As a skinny person with tiny boobs, I could not be less offended by that. That sentiment–that women with bigger, curvy bodies are “real women”–makes up maybe 1% of the messaging society is giving us about female bodies. The other 99% is saying “thin bodies are the only attractive bodies”–this message is literally EVERYWHERE. 

It honestly reminds me of the black lives matter vs all lives matter debate. Yes, all body shaming is bad, just as all lives matter, but right now, in our world, thin bodies are privileged and fat bodies are largely scorned. As I said earlier, if you must pick a trait to be a victim about, pick something other than the fact that you’re skinny, which is objectively considered a POSITIVE characteristic in our world.

Post # 135
Member
1505 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

tiffanybruiser :  I always find myself agreeing with your posts and this one was no exception. 

Well said.

Like yeah everybody complaining about how hurtful thin-shaming is. Given the choice they’d still choose to be thin rather than fat.  That tells you a lot. 

Leave a comment


Find Amazing Vendors