(Closed) Very anxious about this situation. Advice sought.

posted 8 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
1566 posts
Bumble bee

I think you are COMPLETELY justified in your concerns. Personally, I am not sure I would want to be friends with someone who cheats on their husband repeatedly. Whether you should tell her husband or not is a toss-up, but it seems a bit strange to me that you would want to keep being friends with her, especially after she’s started putting the moves on your Fiance. 

If Fiance doesn’t know about her background, I would tell him. Then I would cut off contact with her and ask him to do the same.

Post # 4
Member
2475 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I would talk to your Fiance.  I would tell him exactly what you posted here – that it’s not that you don’t trust him, but because of what you know about her, you aren’t comfortable with them communicating at all.  Just be honest and tell him what you know about her cheating, etc.  It sounds like she’s really the only one doing the communicating at this point, so I would just ask him not to respond to her or provoke her in any way.

Post # 5
Member
2781 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Your FH needs to know you feel uncomfortable with the situation and he needs to know about her history. Yes, it might be nice to be flirted with but not by a woman with multiple affairs to be another notch on her bedpost. I’d certainly ask him to cut off contact with her and for yourself to cut contact with her as well – it may be hard enough to do that but it wouldn’t be fair to ask him to limit his contact with her without you doing the same. A bit like dangling a carrot, if you see what I mean.

Post # 6
Member
236 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

End the friendship and tell your guy that she has herpes 🙂

Okay well I’m kind of joking – if it was me I would tell FH that she’s a whore and he might want to keep his distance before she whores her way into your bed. Maybe that’s melodramatic of me, but it wouldn’t be the first time I’ve told a guy which of my friends need to be tested.

Edit: okay that was snarky and rude and I apologize.

Post # 7
Member
4465 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I agree with above posters that you should just talk to Fiance about this person.

Side note on the Facebook thing…that drives me NUTS!  Fiance has a female friend that used to do this all the time!  And the weird part is they were friends from “back home” but hadn’t seen each other in years.  And the minute he would post a status, she would “like” it or comment.  I deleted her as a friend and she must have gotten the hint, because she knocked it off.  Anyway I don’t blame you for being annoyed by that /end rant

Post # 8
Member
119 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I agree with Tulip.  You should definitely let him know about her cheating past.  You could even say to him, “I just talked to So-and-so and she told me something that really upset me….” and talk about cheating and how it makes you feel that she would do that to her poor husband.  And like, girlwitharing said, I would cut of contact with her socially.  Let them be friends on FB but don’t hang out with her ever again.  Your Fiance is WAY more important than her.

Post # 10
Member
2463 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

i’d talk to your fi about how you don’t trust her, and tell him about her past. it doesn’t sound to me like you have anything to worry about on your fi’s side–i know my fi often becomes facebook friends with my friends after he’s met them, that’s very innocent. if it were me, i’d frame the conversation more around your being uncomfortable about whether you want to be friends with this girl in general, not so much about being worried about whether he’d fall for her flirting 

Post # 11
Member
4480 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch

I’d tell him she’s a cheater with herpes. Seriously. You would probably share personal info about some of your friends with your Fiance anyway, so that’s not weird, and it would probably curb any burgeoning interest he has.

Post # 12
Member
7408 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

Tell him about the affairs and the herpes.  If your Fiance is as inexperienced as you say, hopefully that will turn him off and he won’t want much to do with her.

Post # 13
Member
1638 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I would be honest and tell him you trust him but not her. I would cut off all contact with her and if she inquires as to why tell her the truth, she was flirty with your Fiance and given her history of cheating on her husband you don’t trust her. I would also tell your Fiance she has herpes, just to really nail it home that she is “loose lady” or whore lol. I don’t think it’s your place to tell her husband though, sounds like with her track record she’ll get some std have to explain to her hubbs where it came from.

Post # 14
Member
1207 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

Since she’s already invited, it will look really bad to suddenly not be FB friends with her.  I would tell your Fiance about her cheating past and your concerns.  I think your FI will probably understand and not provoke her attention.  Don’t make social plans with her, be really busy with the wedding, etc.  You will have to see her at the shower and wedding, but there will be plenty of other people there too.  After the wedding, I would not necessarily cut off all contact, but be really busy and unable to get together.

Post # 15
Member
5977 posts
Bee Keeper

I would absolutely just have a talk with your Fiance about how uncomfortable she makes you. Especially since she’s already invited to everything. Your Fiance sounds like a great guy with a good head on his shoulders…but he’s just liking the attention right now (and let’s be honest…who wouldn’t be flattered?) I’m sure he will make a more conscious effort to make sure he doesn’t make you feel uncomfortable with the way she’s acting towards him in the future.

Post # 16
Member
2513 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

Ick.

I’d totally talk to your Fiance about her and your concerns. Not trying to sound judgemental, but I wouldn’t be friends with her either, knowing what I know about her character. I had a friend from several years ago who was/is the same way, and I don’t communicate with her anymore. There are just certain types of people that are not good to have in your life.

 

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