(Closed) Terrible Waiting Day!

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
64 posts
Worker bee

First of all, you deserve chocolate. lots of chocolate for dealing with this. Its rude of your SO to get you all excited and then not do anything to take away your anxiety.

First of all, what’s wrong with a cz? you could just chose the setting you want and swap the stone out later. Sounds sensible to me – although apparently not your SO.

Perhaps, you should sit him down and go through a payment plan for the ring and the house ; “here is what we want and here is how we will pay for all of this”. One of my friends did this with her SO when he wanted to buy a house and a $40,000 car. After that her SO seemed to come to his senses and decided that maybe he didn’t need a turbo charger, ‘fully-sick’ Holden.

Post # 5
Hostess
7561 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

I think you need to have a talk. You guys need to be on the same page about your future – does that mean you’ll be getting engaged before or after buying a house? You should both be comfortable and working towards the same goal. I personally don’t buy the “it should be a surprise or it’s not romantic” thing. You are two adults planning a life together, you should be able to talk about and agree on your future. 

Post # 6
Member
917 posts
Busy bee

@littlemissbossy:  I think it was really bad form of him to ask you to do some ring research and then not give you a timeline. And also, why did he tell you to order the dress?!

Unfortunately, that’s the situation you’re in. BUT like @FuzzyBunnyB:  suggested maybe sitting him down and going through the finances with him, might make him realise it’s more affordable and could happen sooner than he thinks. 

 

But LOTS of chocolate is needed! STAT!

 

Post # 7
Member
556 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

I wouldn’t recomend chocolate or else you will end up eating a ton!

Go for a walk in the park instead, way more healthy and relaxing. Back to your problem, my opinion is that you talk with him, maybe he was planning to propose really soon (that why he told you to plan and get the dress and all) but then got cold feet for some reason (probably money related) and he is freacking out. Talk to him about the future, like how much time will be until you can afford the house with you new income, and how are you guy planning on doing so, and how exactly would cost a ring that YOU love (not the one he thinks you deserve). Communication is the key. Keeping your distance may not help at this point.´

And I’m saying talk like two adults, this is serious business, it’s your future, so don’t go and make him feel guilty or it could go wrong. Just calmly, openly, express your opinion and then hear him out.

Post # 8
Member
125 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2006

Is there a chance he’s trying to trying to throw you off the scent?

Post # 9
Member
1770 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 1997

@littlemissbossy:  wouldn’t even consider buying a house going into a legal contract with someone who wasn’t willing to commit to *me* with a ring and a firm wedding date.

Sorry you’re going through this but sounds like he is pretty comfortable with how things are. Your desires are secondary. You’re not crazy. I think you should take alwayssunny’s advice. If he doesn’t want to talk about it and be definitive, I’d consider it a red flag and would put the brakes on.

@AlwaysSunny:  +1

Post # 10
Member
363 posts
Helper bee

@littlemissbossy:  That’s lame of him to act lik it is going to happen and then not act on it. I can’t understand why he would tell you to get a dress and look into rings and then never do anything about it. I would keep communicating with him so that he knows how you feel and so that resentment and tension doesn’t build (as it so quickly can). You should just tell him the truth about it- for example: “Hey so you told me to pick a dress and ring and venue X months back. I thought this meant the day was coming soon and plans were in the works. Now I have had a dress already and still nothing has changed. What is a reasonable person to think? That you’ve changed your mind? You owe me an explanation for all of this as I am trying to plan for our life together and these events do not add up.” Good luck!

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