Post # 1
I feel the need to vent and this is the only place I can do that since my friends either do not get it or are unsympathetic. Sorry to bring you down with my doom and gloom.
My boyfriend and I have been dating for a while now. We are about a week shy of our 6 year anniversary. I know he has a ring. He has had it for over a month now and the waiting is driving me insane. To make matters worse, he let it slip that he was planning to propose one week ago but that those plans fell through. It could have happened a week ago. That just KILLS me.
Now he says he is not sure when it will happen or if will even happen before December. I know he is not doing it on our 6 year anniversary, Halloween, Thanksgiving, His birthday, Christmas Eve, Christmas, or New Year’s Eve because he has told me more than once that he does not want to propose on a holiday or any day I could possibly be expecting it. We have no vacations planned and because of our busy work and school schedules we have not gone on a fancy date for a while and will not be going on one until winter break in January at the earliest.
I’ve been super bummed since he let his failed proposal plans slip and to add to it all my co-worker, who has been dating her boyfriend for maybe 1/5 of the time my guy and I have been dating got engaged and posted it all over facebook. Tonight I finally confessed that I really wish he wouldn’t have said anything, that I don’t want to wait around for him to think up another overly-complicated proposal idea, and that I really wish he would just do a simple, low-key proposal and give me the ring already. He got angry. I let it go but as I was falling asleep I started crying and before I knew it I was sobbing. He asked me what was wrong and I told him that it was just getting really, really hard to wait patiently. I am sure this angered him more because he sighed, rolled over, and fell asleep. Now I am wide awake, upset, and unable to sleep.
Sigh. Rant over.
Post # 3
I hope you have a better week. I’ve been with my guy for almost 6 years, and it’s harder each year. I feel like this post oculd have been written by me. You just have to try to stay positive
Post # 4
@loch_ness: Thanks :-/
I’m trying really, really hard but everyday someone has something to say about it, they bring it back up and I spiral. Dramatic, I know 😉
I just hope it happens soon, for the both of us. Dunno how much more I can take of this waiting stuff.
Post # 5
I’m so sorry! I know some guys can’t handle emotional breakdowns in the moment, maybe he was upset too and just got overwhelmed. Hopefully he’ll think about your reaction and realize how important this is to you and pop the question sooner rather than later… And I know this probably isn’t any comfort now, but at least he has a ring and is planning a proposal! You know he loves you and wants to marry you, and hopefully the month or two you wait for a proposal won’t make a huge difference in the grand scheme of things. Try not to let the resentment build or get too upset at him in the meantime, I’m surethe pressure of that isn’t good for either one of you.
As hard as it may be, maybe you should just take the pressure off of him for a week or two and see if he takes action himself. If he doesn’t and it’s still driving you nuts, maybe you should just have a calm discussion with him letting him know that you would like an intimate, low-key proposal and he doesn’t have to wait for the be-all, end-all of dates.
Good luck and let us know how it goes!
Post # 6
i’m so sorry you’re going through this. just try to keep calm – he already has the ring and seems to be a planner, so one day you’ll get your perfect proposal. sticking to mr. Bee’s plan (which is mostly about focusing on yourself) and the Shut-It-Up pact helped me and all the other girls a lot, too.
Post # 7
@Thinkboxxx: first, BIG HUG, it’s very hard when you know the ring is there and you want it yesterday. But, just try his shoes on for one min. He’s got one chance, one chance to get it right. Its a story you’ll want to tell over and over. i’mn sure he wants it perfect, i’m sure you want something special too, deep down. just go out, get a mani and some great clothes or go out with some gf’s. relax and have some fun, before you know it, it’ll be that special day and you’ll be happy as a clam. good luck!!
Post # 8
The shut it up pact would be much more helpful if every other person he or I talked to didn’t mention something about when it’s going to happen for us or that so and so is already engaged and what are we waiting for.
Definitely missing my besties right now. One is having an amazing time in Ireland and the other is swamped with nursing school.
I try to focus on other things, like the obscene amount of school work I have to do and the 13 cats and puppy that I am currently taking care of but I am outstandingly good at thinking of two things at the same time and multitasking.
The saddest part is how amazingly good his first plan was. I was so proud of him for thinking it up all on his own 🙂
Post # 9
I’ve been thinking this for awhile – I think men who do this are bloody cruel.
Once you’ve got the ring, just propose and give it to the girl! What the f**k is it with this letting the girl know you’ve got it, and then making her wait months (even years) to get it?
Either keep your big trap shut so it’s a genuine surprise, or get your finger out and propose straight away. Dangling the ring in front of someone is cruel, IMO.
Post # 10
If he already has the ring, you’re more than half way there. Generally the biggest hurdle is IF he will propose. You’re just waiting on “when.”
I know it’s difficult, but just stop talking about it. Let it go, and enjoy your remaining time as a girlfriend. It IS coming, it’s just a matter of time. You just don’t want to make him resentful of you and ruin what should be an exciting time for the 2 of you. I know it doesn’t seem like it, but January is actually not that far away.
Post # 11
@Baal: It is cruel 🙁 I just don’t think he sees it that way. Especially since the ring kinda just landed in his lap when we were talking about engagement (I inhereted a platinum and diamond engagement ring from the early 1900’s that has been in the family for 4+ generations).
@the_future_mrs: I know! I know! 🙁
I just feel a little like, “if you have it and have had it for this long the only reason that you are not giving it to me is because you are hesitating or second-guessing this.” I KNOW that’s not true and it’s definitely unfair to him that I feel that way, I just don’t feel very strong or confident right now. Talking to you ladies definitely helps. It is much more different than talking to people who only have things like “Hey [insert name here] just got enagaged. They’ve only been dating for a year, what are you guys waiting for,” to say or when they find out we have been together for 6 years and already live together and they say, “And you guys aren’t even engaged yet!” or “So, where is the ring?”
Post # 12
Yup I agree hang in there! You are almost at the finish line girl! I am in that same position with my boyfriend now. I think he’s picked up the ring from the jewlers and must have it since its been a few weeks since he ordered it. So I’ve stopped talking about it and complaining lol. Its now time for us to sit back, stay quiet and let him do his thing!
Post # 13
Did you tell him that you’re sick of waiting for the ring, sick of waiting for the proposal, sick of waiting to get married, what?
My husband got a little frustrated with me – he thought I just wanted the ring. I sat him down one day and explained (AGAIN) that I didn’t just want the ring. I wanted to wear the ring (some ring, any ring) and be able to tell the world that he was MINE. I wanted to get married and be his WIFE and start our lives. No more “if we get married” but “when we’re 50…” I just wanted to move on with our lives, him screwing me around wasn’t getting us anywhere. He finally got it.
Post # 14
I bet you the minute you stop talking about it he will do it 🙂
Post # 15
@almostmrsj: That, I told him that. Before we had a ring I told him I didn’t care if we got one or not. I didn’t want a ring, I wanted to be his wife. He wants to give me ring, his idea. I couldn’t possibly care less, I just want the engagement and the wedding and a life with him and to be able to say, “This one is mine! MY husband!”
@blueberries123: I know !!! But crying doesn’t count as talking, right?! 😀 I couldn’t help it. I had been so good up until then.
Post # 16
That has to be so frustrating. I mean 6 years!?? I would be freaking out! Guys just don’t get it. He probably figures he has watied this long he wants to make it memorable for you. I think the crying and impatience is making it harder for him. Although, he needs to realize that you are starting to resent him (which is so understandable). If only women were the ones doing the proposing! I hope it happens soon! At least he has a ring and is intending to do so 🙂