(Closed) VERY DIFFICULT FUTURE SISTER IN LAW! HELP, HELP, HELP!

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
2434 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

What kind of advice do you need?  It sounds like you’ve agreed on a plan.

Are you worried about her using a breast pump at the table?  Are you sure she doesn’t mean that she can pump in advance and bottlefeed the baby at the table?

Post # 4
Member
677 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

I’m sorry that she’s being difficult and that you’ve got the extra stress to deal with while planning your wedding.

Do you really expect her to breastfeed during the reception – in front of everyone?

Post # 5
Member
2641 posts
Sugar bee

Wow.  It sounds like she’s pretty self absorbed.  Personally, I would go back to no kids.  Maybe if she doesn’t go, it will be a blessin.  (Oh stop.  I’m so naughty.)

I would be firm, but make sure you stay out of your FI’s family fights.  iF he’s miserable fighting with them, try to compromise as little as possible.  Why are his parents so against having kids?  Is it solely for the purpose of the sister?

I’m sorry she is being that way.  Please keep us informed on what happens.

Post # 6
Member
126 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

Ya I agree with Tanya123…..I don’t think you should invite kids just for her.  She shouldn’t be making such a big deal the way she is…she should have discussed it in a more polite manner.  I don’t really know what to say about the way she’s acting…self-absorbant doesn’t even cut it for me.  Yes keep us informed!!!  Hope everything will turn out great!

Post # 7
Member
75 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

I am sorry to disagree with people here, but I have an opinion I’d like to share.  When a reception says no kids, it usually means walking and over.  I breastfed my son at football games because he had to eat, and if I was around, he would NOT take a bottle.  I was discreet about it, but he had to eat.  A 3 month old should not disturb your wedding, and if the baby is crying, I would expect the mother to take the baby away from the ceremony (my son was at church by 3 weeks old, and that is what I always did.  Just another opinion to share.  Hope I gave you another perspective!

Post # 8
Member
2641 posts
Sugar bee

If she already has a pump that’s so special, I’m guessing she will be using the bottle to feed the baby at least partially.  If that is the case, the baby will probably be OK taking a bottle for one night.  I’m sure her husband’s parents would love to babysit for the night. (If they are in town.)

Post # 9
Member
7052 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

I am a mom and I breastfed my son for 3 months.  I also knew how to use a pump and when we’d go out for occasions or if it was inconvenient to either feed him there or no where to go privately I’d bring some bottles.  I also used discretion as I know it’s not something all wish to see, despite the fact it’s a completely natural thing.

Seriously..WHO would breastfeed at a wedding reception?  I find it socially inappropriate.  Aren’t there lounges or nice restrooms or quiet places she could utilize?  I also went to weddings and did not pump or feed in public.

Like Ms. Sea Otter, if my son was unhappy or cried, I simply walked out of the reception or church (even on sunday mornings during a sermon) because I didn’t want to disrupt anything.

I had a SIL (now xsil)too who was a bit of an issue hersel muchlike your sil is….and an avid breastfeeder who did it at a joint thanksgiving dinner with both of our families…at the dinner table.  My grandparents had not seen that done before in public with both sexes in such close proximity and honestly were shocked.  Her parents had surprised looks on their faces and my son (he was about 3 then )asked "mommy what is Aunt Lisa doing?"  My sister (who breastfed her kids too) dropped her fork.  

This xsil demanded we buy her dress for her (all the other bridesmaids bought theirs), refused to use the makeup artist and hair stylist I bought for all the bridesmaids, and never smiled in any picture.

Post # 10
Member
14185 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

You know, there are a lot of tacky people out there. When I waited tables, the woman would whip it out and breast feed at the table. People found it revolting, but unfortunately we were unable to do anything about it. Sometimes they could lay a blanket over the baby, but still, I understand it’s natural, but I also think there’s a time and place for that. And a public place like a reception? I say no way, that’s gross. You can go to the bathroom or walk out to your car or something like that. Good luck with her. Hopefully she’s not trying to steal all the attention from you!

Post # 11
Member
135 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

For her to announce that she didn’t know if she could be there because she might be expecting right after you announce your engagement. Jeez. I totally get the whole breastfeeding thing. There is a time and a place. If you are going to be in public then pump.

I would just ignore her issues, just enjoy your day and if she is being difficult just stay away from her.

Post # 12
Member
7052 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

Yep..I agree.  Make the SIL a "non issue" issue!  Just let it be known that there is a LOUNGE or relaxing area nearby where she can take care of that breastfeeding thing if she should come to the wedding.  Btw, my ex-sil was also breastfeeding too..I forgot that part..and pregnant again!  I think she knew that she’d pushed it waaaay too far and she dare not (after the saying no and waving away the makeup artist and hairstylist..sadly she really needed it…in the brides’ area where everybody got ready).  My sister wanted to wring her neck!  She was also an "it’s all about me" type.  And since she wasn’t happy it wasn’t about her on my wedding day, she refused hair and makeup.  Looked just like she stepped directly out of the shower and let her hair air dry (very short hair too) and stuck the dress on.  Did I mention she refused to go to the bachelorette party too?  See?  SHE COULD BE WORSE. 

Post # 13
Member
453 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

Okay ladies-I just had to chime in here. I breast fed my twins for almost and over a year. Yep! Over a year. I’m not a breast feeding fanatic or anything-Gage weaned himself when he was 10 months old and Madison was still going strong at 14 months. My twins were born almost 10 weeks premature and I pumped, nursed, and pumped some more and we had to rent an extra freezer to keep the breast milk in. I did all of that because breast feeding worked for us (after long sessions with two lactation consultants helping…yeah…there were ALOT of hands involved!). I’m not one of those mothers who feels that everyone should breastfeed or anything-it worked for us.

That being said-I would never feed my baby in the restroom unless there was a lounge area. I don’t eat in the bathroom and wouldn’t feed my child there. There are plenty of alternatives-a quiet room, a corner, a lounge area, in my car, etc. I think that women who just "whip it out" in public are not too aware, or either don’t care, what others think-which is true to a certain degree, but there is an amount of couth that could be displayed. As someone who nursed-double nursed sometimes at that!-twins-I am uncomfortable with other women blatently nursing in public.

I took my twins lots of places when they were tiny infants bc they slept all the time-preemies sleep alot! I also was always able to find a place to nurse them in private or take expressed milk in a cooler bag that just fit right into the diaper bag. We did go to a couple of wedding receptions, but they slept the entire time and I would have had no problem missing the ceremony or reception if either of them started to cry. The wedding and reception is about the bride and groom-not about my babies!

A suggestion, maybe, if this is appropriate, would be to maybe make a gentle inquiry of the management of a place on the premises that would be accessible for a mom to nurse her baby-and present that to the mother?! Just an idea. I also think of times like this as opportunities to spend time with my SO without the little ones about, however, leaving an infant with a sitter is a bit more questionable-especially if they are from out of town and don’t know the sitter very well or at all. I’d be perfectly fine with my twins now staying with a hotel referred sitter in our suite-but they are 5 1/2, so a bit older. Just my opinion now!

Lisa 🙂

Post # 14
Member
18 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I have a self absorbed Future Sister-In-Law as well, who I am hoping just doesn’t come to our wedding, maybe yours won’t either.  On the other hand, I don’t think you should worry about her breast feeding.  If she does it discreetly, most people wont mind too much and if she whips it all out, it won’t ruin your day, it will just make her look stupid.  I don’t think you should change for this woman necessarily, but you might want to think about wether or not kids are really such a big deal. I am having kids at my wedding because I think they bring such a young, fresh joy to weddings.  I know they can be mischievous, but it might just add character.

Post # 15
Member
5822 posts
Bee Keeper

It is RIDICULOUS that she was already saying she couldn’t make it BEFORE SHE WAS PREGGERS.  After she found out though…I have a couple thoughts.  First, her kid will be about three months, so she can’t leave her three month old MILES away from her.  BUT I feel that if you’re having a child-free reception/wedding it’s also only reasonable to provide a babysitter on location.  People need somewhere to dump their kids.  And she could bring a crib, put baby away, leave a bottle with the sitter, go see the ceremony, and check on the baby periodically without ruining your plans.  If there’s no sitter on location though, I don’t think you can be mad at people who have infants that say they can’t make it.  Because truthfully, she can’t just leave the baby at home.  Just MHO.

Post # 16
Member
3 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: September 2009

She sounds like a self-absorbed twit. Just ignore her (I know…easier said than done) and enjoy your special day. 🙂

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