- 4 years ago
I posted a board earlier regarding a man that I met. We met through his sister who is my co-worker. We hit it off, it was so magical and amazing, literally. We would stay up until six in the morning talking, fall asleep holding hands. Sex was incredible, I hadn’t had anyone look at me the way he did since I met my ex fiance seven years ago! The catch was, he had just seperated from his wife six months ago. They had been together since he was seventeen (hes now 31) and she came out after a disconnected marraige for the last couple years, saying that she is gay!!!! She has already moved on with her life, but he expressed that he just didn’t feel ready! He still felt a loyalty to her family, their friends, etc. I completely understood this. I said and did all the right things, let him initiate the get togethers, acted as a love interest and a really good friend. We had a serious talk one night and I asked if he talked to other girls, he expressed that there was one, that she lived in florida, they had a past, but that they just chatted and it was “geographically impossible.” He said he didn’t feel comfortable with the idea of exclusivity, said that “it wasn’t even the fact of exclusivity, but that he wasn’t ready for the commitment.” I told him he needed time to figure things out, I backed off, thinking it wouldnt end well for me if we kept things up with the state of mind he was in.
Well….he continued to reach out to me, and to be honest I missed him. We began seeing each other again and a couple of tuesdays ago he tells me plans of taking a trip to San Luis that following weekend for work. That night we’re lying in bed, my head on his chest, and he’s telling me he can’t stop thinking about me, that it’s getting more and more intense….he always poured his heart out when we were together, it was like he just melted in to me when I was around.
That weekend he keeps in touch, texting every day, saying I’m heading to San Luis, taking the 46…etc. I noticed on facebook in response to a picture I sent him it tagged him in Venice….hmmmm….he was messaging me this whole time saying, going out in SLO, etc. I messaged him saying hey you said youre in San Luis, facebook has you tagged in Venice? He replies that sunday morning saying he was there last night with his boss at his boss’ house, and that he was headed back to SLO, none of this sounded right to me. Sure enough, I get a phone call from my best friend who had met him asking what his tattoos look like, she tells me HES AT THE FARMERS MARKET HERE IN TOWN WITH ANOHTER GIRL!!!!!
Coincidentally enough, I was heading to brunch with his sister at that very time. She told me it was the girl from florida, that he’s been talking to her long distance since he met me. I was flabergasted. I wrote him telling him to never contact me again…I believe my exact words were “you duplicitous piece of shit” This was the girl he had played down, the one he just “chatted” with, the one where it was “geographically impossible”
The next day after I had cooled down, I messaged him saying, I don’t know why you couldn’t have been honest with me! I went on to say that no matter what I may have wanted for myself that I always wanted the best for him as well, that healing didn’t mean making other people feel as terrible as his ex made him feel. He apologized, saying he didn’t know what he was doing anymore, that this wasn’t him, that I had every right to hate him. I said I didn’t hate him, that I questioned his genuinity but didn’t hate him, that now he had the oppprtunity to see where things would go with her without any interference from me.
He said he wanted to meet up so a couple days later over drinks at Tahoe Joes we talked. He apologized, I asked all the questions that I wanted. Like, YOU WERE JUST SAYING YOU COULDNT STOP THINKING ABOUT ME! He claimed that was still true. Im sorry but that makes no sense to me, just so contradictory! He said that he did indeed like this girl, and wanted to get to know her more, that this was the hardest decision he has ever had to make. I said oh no, Ive made the decision for you! I am stepping out of this. He got upset.He even went as far as to tell me he thought I should stay single for a while, just be independent! lol wow. The conversation ebbed and flowed between heated to laughing and joking to heated again. We walked to the car, a couple drinks in, and hugged each other for a long while. I looked up at him and said, kiss me, he looked at me for a while, stepped back, and said he couldn’t, that it wasn’t right and scurried off his to truck. He messaged me saying that took everything he had, that he thinks I’m amazing and deserve the best.
Well, that weekend, I went to vegas he asked me how it was going, I told him I hurt my back. Being a physical therapist he offered to look at it. So day before yesterday I saw him, he did several exercises on me, even went as far as to drape a towel over my butt so the guys behind me wouldn’t look lol. He questioned me about a guy getting my number, I mean still visibly interested, or jealous. Just frustrating. He invited me to go to a hockey game…saying I wont be there until 8 so bring a friend. This just felt uncomfortable to me for some reason….I thought me you and my friend hang out?? Just weird…and not what I want. I declined, stating that I was busy. That and I wasn’t sure what his motive was?? He jokes saying he’s my new non sexual friend. I’m getting physical therapy from him now….
I dont know the best way to handle this. I still have feelings for this man. Obviously he likes other people as well. He made the comment, maybe if we stay friends, you never know what could happen in the future. The last thing he told me at dinner was “look at me, when you leave this table I want you to know I didn’t choose her over you.” It sure feels like it though. Do I remain friends with this man…or is that keeping myself in line for more heartache and trouble??