- 5 years ago
- Wedding: November 2012
He sounds like a hot mess who doesn’t know what he wants.
Tell him to fuck off.
He sounds like a hot mess who doesn’t know what he wants.
Tell him to fuck off.
xpretyNpinkStarx: he’s lining you up girl. He wants friends and benefits. I’d be surprised if he ever emotionally commits becaise if you stick around, you’re condoning his behavior and he knows you’ll forgive him.
Find someone that values you, doesn’t lie and shows up everyday.
xpretyNpinkStarx: I dont think you are needy. I think most people have been there. I definitely admit I have before. You want to give someone the benefit of the doubt and believe them and trust. THESE ARENT BAD THINGS! I am surprised at the amount of criticism you are receiving based on that. I will counter argue that.. He was seperated 6 months. Its a good amount of time and unfortunately no one can determine the exact time it takes to get over people. He may have thought he was ready to date which is why his SISTER brought it up. Again- you had his sister, your coworker, who was someone whose opinion you could value set you up. Maybe this guy thought he was ready and he ended up realizing he wasnt after he tried dating. There are definitely those people that are so used to being married that will jump right into another serious relationship. However, in his case it seems like he is pretty confused still. It seems like he does like you but he doesnt like you enough to consider just being with you. But on the side note- f him for saying if you wait around it could be something more.. seriously!??! he needs to get off his high horse on that one. It sounds like yes he is keeping both you and the other girl around to prevent feeling lonely. Its not fair and isnt right but again I have definitely done that before too. All in all though I think your feelings are normal and there is no need to fix anything or go to counseling. In dating, its easy to think that something is wrong with you but most of the times its just the wrong situation with the wrong person. The right person can come along at all the wrong times and you could still end up happy. There is no A + B=C that is guaranteed in relationships. Again, trusting someone, believing them, and giving someone the benefit of the doubt are all good qualities. When you meet the right person they will be glad that you kept these qualities, but you probably wont have to give them the benefit of the doubt because they will already be giving you that reassurance.
xpretyNpinkStarx: I hung around with a guy I liked who kept me as a friend. Nothing good came out of it. If he really wants you, he wouldn’t pull all this emotional crap on you. My husband was always exclusively with me and only wanted me. You don’t deserve to be treated like this!
xpretyNpinkStarx: “You never know what could happen inthe future” is the biggest cop out
It basically means “Hey, i dont want to be in a relationship with you but we can keep hooking up. I will get jealous if you date other guys, but I can still do whatever i want. i hope you will be waiting for me so i can come over after 11pm”
You deserve a better situation
I didn’t think you were emotionally needy you just come across as very frustrated, upset and mostly confused.
I think he’s walking all over you though. You sound like an intelligent women but your a bit blind sited by this guy. from what you wrote, I’m getting the impress he’s using you. Keeping you around as a safety net. He knows your into him and he’s abusing that.
Lets say he decides he wants you. Will you be able to trust him in a relationship?
Id cut this bloke from my life. He’s poison and you don’t have time for time wasters. Ditch this friendship let your hair down and focus on people who arent going to use you and fully appreciate you for who you are.
you don’t deserve to be kept on the side lines.
“In my defense the guy was telling me, maybe if we stay friends you never know what could happen six months down the road. I think that’s what I was trying to do, stick around to see what happens”. Noooooo you fell for that?! Pleeeease tell me you are under 25 and haven’t dated much, so I can give you hair pats instead of SMDH…
No offense to those under 25 and haven’t dated much who wouldn’t have fallen for this crap lol<br /><br />
Your feelings for him does not matter. What matters is his feelings for you. Take it from someone with a liitle bit of experience under her belt (now in my mid 30s), a man of integrity will never do this. Believe his actions, ignore his words. Cut off contact. Stop trying to justify the good parts of him. He lied to you in a major way. Believe that this is a character flaw and NOT just a one time thing.
You will get over him but you have to cut off contact. The drama for you has just begun if you allow this man to take you for a fool.
xpretyNpinkStarx: he told you straight up he wasn’t ready for a commitment. You need to believe him. He contacts you because he gets lonely and you’re available, not because he’s secretly in love with you. If you’re ok being one of the numerous girls he dates while he gets over the heartbreak of his marriage ending, do continue seeing him – but it doesn’t sound like you are ok with that. Move on. No friendship, no nothing.
xpretyNpinkStarx: Sorry to say but your ‘defense’ is not flattering.
If a guy ever straight-up says “I don’t want you right now but stick around and I might change my mind” do yourself a favor and don’t stick around. He will not respect you for it and it comes off very needy and desperate. It’s like a dog hanging around the dinner table waiting for someone to drop a scrap. It is not a good look.
If someone is saying one thing and doing another, pay attention to what they are doing. Because that is the thing that is real. That is the thing that is happening. That is the thing that affects you and your life. Words are nothing. Value actions.
UPDATE: It’s been three months now since this post. Shortly after this I took everyones advice and told him that I could not recieve physical therapy from him, played it off saying my insurance wouldnt cover it (even though I sought treatment somewhere else), and told him NO to the condors games. Even after I cut off what appeared to be the chances he was trying to see me, he continued texting me, sending me pictures of his costume on halloween. That same weekend of Halloween my best friend who is friends with him on facebook said “Amber, you need to see this…” and showed me a picture of him and this girl from florida at his ex wifes house (yeah, the one who just left him for another woman) for a crab boil!!! I cried I’m not gonna lie. I text him and finally told him not to message me anymore, he said that he respected that and was sorry. THEN things got even worse…….I found out that he had given my chlamydia. Wonderful right. Dupulicitous piece of shit doesn’t even begin to describe him. As of now he still roommates with his sister who is a friend of mine, I have heard through her that that halloween weekend the florida girl came to stay with him and has not left, it has been three months now. Apparrently she has to leave for medical school to texas here in a couple weeks for a four month period. The sister asked me to go to brunch yesterday and spilled her guts saying she hates this florida girl, that the girl has caused immense problems amongst this guy and his family…..one big ball of drama I was lucky enough to avoid. Now the sister is telling me she is having a skin care party at her house (where he lives!!!) and is begging me to come literally. I already expressed that its ground zero, that I refuse to go if he’s there. She swears he wont be. But I’m highly contemplating talking to her and telling her I just cant go unless she throws it somewhere else, I dont even want to risk seeing this man.
Yikes, I’m late to reading this thread but this guy is indecisive and emotionally unstable at best, and a manipulative piece of shit at worst. Either way, sounds like you’ve gradually made the right call but distancing yourself from him. I wouldn’t take any chances screwing around with a skin care party…just not worth it. As nice/genuine as his sister might be, I think cutting off contact with her too would be best in the long run. Remove all ties with this guy, and move on to better things. Guys like that give us males a bad (but earned) reputation 🙁
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