Post # 1
My husband never actually ‘proposas’ about a month after we were together, he said he could spend the rest of his life with me, I said me to, he said shall we get married…… and we did. I never got an official proposal or one knee or anything, I was sad about it at the time and kept hinting, now I wish I had really kicked up a stink, but I felt at the time if I did, it would ruin it. I am so hurt by this, it makes me feel really down, he knows now and says we’ll do it again, re new our vows and make it more romantic. Bit late now though hey. I feel cheated and unloved ! Everyone in the whole planet got proposed to ! apart from me, even reading these posts… at least it actually happened. !!!
Post # 3
you’re actually not alone…i found this post, maybe it will make you feel better to see that others out there feel the same way. i was surprised at how disappointing and unceremonious my proposal was too. i honestly think my guy was so much more nervous than i could imagine (since he is NOT a “nervous” kind of person ever!), and i think he kind of flubbed up his plan!
Post # 4
Hi Lilian. Just wanted to tell you, not every woman gets a proposal… When we got engaged, it was actually during our first discussion about us and the fact that we were ready to commit to each other… We just started planning from there; and, well, bought a ring later on.
I don’t feel bad about it though, because it was “us” – we were open with each other and did everything together. I didn’t feel a need for an elaborate surprise proposal.
I think your story is sweet; and the fact that your husband takes your feelings into account and is willing to do a “do over”, propose for your vows renewal, shows just how much he loves you and wants you to be happy. He seems like a wonderful man.
Post # 5
I didnt get a proposal either. But thats just how we are, we decided to get married and bought a ring.
For me it would have been REALLY WEIRD for him to get down on one knee and be all “romantic”.
Post # 6
Not everyone gets (or wants) a proposal. My parents decided to get married and 30 years later they are one of the happiest couples I know. I find it awful that you got married in 1998 (is that right?) and you are still really disappointed in that single moment – presumably you have had 12 happy years of marriage? Why can’t you let this go? It seems so sad to me. A vow renewal sounds like a lovely idea, maybe your husband will propose to you for that 🙂 If not, I think you really need to focus on the positives of your relationship, accept that the proposal might not be what you would have chosen but that your husband is exactly the man you would have.
Post # 7
My parents didn’t have any kind of proposal or engagement ring and they are very happily married 20+ years later 🙂 A friend who got married earlier this year also didn’t have a proposal or ring and they are happy newlyweds right now. I agree with PP – the relationship is what matters most, not the proposal or lack thereof.
Post # 8
My dear let this go! My husband never really proposed, and I never received an engagement ring, yet we have had a very successful 32-year marriage. Do I wish I had a “proper” engagement? Yes, of course, Do I wish I had a pretty engagement ring? Yes, of course. I purchased my own diamond ring with retirement money when I left a previous job! But the bottom line is that those things don’t even compare to the wonderful man and father he has been all these years.
I will say that my sons know the importance of a proper engagement to a woman, and I have made sure that resources (stones and/or financial support )are ready so their loved one will be happy with their ring.
On a lighter side, I’ve jokingly made my husband “pay” for not giving me a ring. He has given me many, many lovely pieces of jewelry over the years. Now, I willhave a daughter-in-law and, if I’m blessed, granddaughters to share them with!
The love you have with your husband is the most important item to focus on.
Post # 9
I could have said pretty much the same as sudslover! Although I eventually got a ring. He put it in a larger box at Christmas a couple of years later, when he spent his ENTIRE Christmas bonus on it. Our guys make us happy in different ways. He’s funny about “holidays” too. I never know IF or WHEN he might do something. lol. He doesn’t like “prescribed” days to give gifts, so sometimes I don’t even get a card for Valentine’s Day or whatnot, other times he goes all out, because he hasn’t given me anthing for those days. He just doesn’t agree that he should “have to give” me a gift on a certain day. So I get gifts from him scheduled on his whims. I don’t often get cut flowers either. Usually I get a flowering plant, because it will “last longer”. Chin up-What’s best is we have our guys! Hugs.
Post # 10
You are not alone! My dad never proposed to my mom. He was planning on going into the airforce or something like that and the only way my mom could go with him was if they were married. So he said “well, I guess we have to get married”. Yep, that was it! They went and bought both their rings for $99, had the Justice of the Peace come over and got married. And 30 years later, they are happy as ever and it worked. It didn’t matter that they didn’t start with the perfect proposal, or even an actual wedding. WHen you look at the big picture, thats a small detail. You have your husband and you love each other and are going to spend the rest of your lives together, so why does it matter how it came about?
Post # 11
You are definitely not alone. My Fiance and I had more of a discussion too. We were out one day and talking about marriage a little bit, and he said “how about we go look at the venue & church” where I had already told him that I dreamed of being married at. I thought that was romantic & cute 🙂 We ended up getting my ring shortly after that.
Post # 12
You are not alone. My daddy never proposed to my mama. He asked for permission and gave her the ring. They have been happily married for almost 30 years now.
Post # 13
I wanted to say thank you to everyone, for all your support … just reading your answers has made allll the difference to me, I thought I was the only one.lol… but you have all put this totally into perspective for me.
To answer one question I was not married in 1998 ..? no, we just had our second wedding anniversary so thats why I still think of it. The wedding was a registry office with just a couple of people there, his friends, I had 2 ‘friends’ but after the wedding itself they left (some friends) so I was left with his bunch and they all got totally legless and passed out !!!I was pregnant and had made him promise for months up to the wedding not to do that to me. But no I was left sitting in the bedroom upstairs crying with my husband out of it and hanging out with his bunch of croneys, he then came upstairs to find me, and promptly passed out, his friends stayed that night, I have never met them before they were old friends … but felt really unsafe, they were wondering around, one came in our room and sat on the edge of our bed, urinated over my make-up, it was quite scary. Very sad. Sooo I was quite upset about the whole deal. To put this into prospective to, he is the nicest guy in the world, so quite unexpected that he was corrupted by his friends, I thought he would consider me… he is not normally like that. He is my soul mate, we fell madly in love and still are, he is my best friend. So although the ‘wedding fiasco’ paints him in a bad light he really is my true love. So basically I do need to accept people make mistakes and focus on all the good we have in our lives. Also just let go, live intoday and allow myself to be happy, its easy to get wrapped up in the pain of past events. One day we will do it again and properly.
But thank you so much for all your words, they really helped.
Post # 14
@lilliansmith – I’m sorry you had to go through that. It sounds like your wedding wasn’t exactly what you wished it to be, and hopefully you haven’t had to deal with his friends like that again since!
My parents never did a proper engagement either. My mom asked my dad “Want to get married?” and his response was “What for?” lol. They ended up getting married, but my mom didn’t get an “engagement ring” until their 15th wedding anniversary! And they didn’t actually get wedding rings either until my mother got pregnant. Then she insisted that they get rings because she didn’t want to be seen as pregnant and unwed, haha. So you’re definitely not the only one that hasn’t been proposed to! Hope you feel better!
Post # 15
@lilliansmith: The question about you being married in 1998 is probably because after your name in the post, it has the date “July 26, 1998” (which is usually the wedding date field). Maybe you meant to write July 26, 2008?
Anyway, it’s sad that your lack of a proposal makes you feel “cheated and unloved’. Many couples don’t have ‘proper’ proposals or recieve rings at all and end up living long and loving relationships. From your 2nd entry, it sounds like you may be more unhappy with the way your actual wedding played out and your husband and his friend’s inappriopriate behavior. Maybe this is something you should talk about with your husband, if 2 years later it’s still making you very unhappy.
Post # 16
I don’t know if anyone still reads this, as now it is 2013 but I just went back to check the posts by chance, I remembered my wedding day as friends were asking me about it. So now yes it was 5 years ago and I still feel very disapointed lol in our ‘special day’ but what can you do. We now have 2 children and a great relationship life isn’t always perfect in everyway. I will never be OK about it, however I am able to live my life and enjoy my relationship with him, love to bits my beautiful babies and appreciate all I DO have. Such a shame some men dont realise how much little things like romance and weddings mean to some girls, I know its a girl thing, but some girls, me, always since a child dreamt of my special wedding day and the reality was a far cry from the dream. However my babies are far better than I could ever have dreamt of. 🙂 I wonder if anyone that wrote any of the above posts is still around? how are you guys ? x