(Closed) very dissapointed

posted 8 years ago in Proposals
Post # 3
Member
252 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

hi lillian,

you’re actually not alone…i found this post, maybe it will make you feel better to see that others out there feel the same way. i was surprised at how disappointing and unceremonious my proposal was too. i honestly think my guy was so much more nervous than i could imagine (since he is NOT a “nervous” kind of person ever!), and i think he kind of flubbed up his plan!

Disapointed

Post # 4
Member
1854 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

Hi Lilian. Just wanted to tell you, not every woman gets a proposal… When we got engaged, it was actually during our first discussion about us and the fact that we were ready to commit to each other… We just started planning from there; and, well, bought a ring later on.
I don’t feel bad about it though, because it was “us” – we were open with each other and did everything together. I didn’t feel a need for an elaborate surprise proposal.
I think your story is sweet; and the fact that your husband takes your feelings into account and is willing to do a “do over”, propose for your vows renewal, shows just how much he loves you and wants you to be happy. He seems like a wonderful man.

 

Post # 5
Member
3219 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

I didnt get a proposal either. But thats just how we are, we decided to get married and bought a ring.

For me it would have been REALLY WEIRD for him to get down on one knee and be all “romantic”.

Post # 6
Member
1104 posts
Bumble bee

Not everyone gets (or wants) a proposal. My parents decided to get married and 30 years later they are one of the happiest couples I know. I find it awful that you got married in 1998 (is that right?) and you are still really disappointed in that single moment – presumably you have had 12 happy years of marriage? Why can’t you let this go? It seems so sad to me. A vow renewal sounds like a lovely idea, maybe your husband will propose to you for that ๐Ÿ™‚ If not, I think you really need to focus on the positives of your relationship, accept that the proposal might not be what you would have chosen but that your husband is exactly the man you would have.

Post # 7
Member
1566 posts
Bumble bee

My parents didn’t have any kind of proposal or engagement ring and they are very happily married 20+ years later ๐Ÿ™‚ A friend who got married earlier this year also didn’t have a proposal or ring and they are happy newlyweds right now. I agree with PP – the relationship is what matters most, not the proposal or lack thereof. 

Post # 8
Member
581 posts
Busy bee

My dear let this go!  My husband never really proposed, and I never received an engagement ring, yet we have had a very successful 32-year marriage.  Do I wish I had a “proper” engagement?  Yes, of course,  Do I wish I had a pretty engagement ring?  Yes, of course.   I purchased my own diamond ring with retirement money when I left a previous job!  But the bottom line is that those things don’t even compare to the wonderful man and father he has been all these years.

I will say that my sons know the importance of a proper engagement to a woman, and I have made sure that resources (stones and/or financial support )are ready so their loved one will be happy with their ring.

On a lighter side, I’ve jokingly made my husband “pay” for not giving me a ring.  He has given me many, many lovely pieces of jewelry over the years.  Now, I willhave a daughter-in-law and, if I’m blessed, granddaughters  to share them with!

The love you have with your husband is the most important item to focus on.

 

Post # 9
Member
1765 posts
Buzzing bee

I could have said pretty much the same as sudslover!  Although I eventually got a ring.  He put it in a larger box at Christmas a couple of years later, when he spent his ENTIRE Christmas bonus on it.  Our guys make us happy in different ways.  He’s funny about “holidays” too.  I never know IF or WHEN he might do something. lol.  He doesn’t like “prescribed” days to give gifts, so sometimes I don’t even get a card for Valentine’s Day or whatnot, other times he goes all out, because he hasn’t given me anthing for those days.  He just doesn’t agree that he should “have to give” me a gift on a certain day.  So I get gifts from him scheduled on his whims.  I don’t often get cut flowers either.  Usually I get a flowering plant, because it will “last longer”.  Chin up-What’s best is we have our guys!  Hugs.

Post # 10
Member
4024 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

You are not alone! My dad never proposed to my mom. He was planning on going into the airforce or something like that and the only way my mom could go with him was if they were married. So he said “well, I guess we have to get married”. Yep, that was it! They went and bought both their rings for $99, had the Justice of the Peace come over and got married. And 30 years later, they are happy as ever and it worked. It didn’t matter that they didn’t start with the perfect proposal, or even an actual wedding. WHen you look at the big picture, thats a small detail. You have your husband and you love each other and are going to spend the rest of your lives together, so why does it matter how it came about?

Post # 11
Member
753 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

You are definitely not alone.  My Fiance and I had more of a discussion too.  We were out one day and talking about marriage a little bit, and he said “how about we go look at the venue & church” where I had already told him that I dreamed of being married at.  I thought that was romantic & cute ๐Ÿ™‚  We ended up getting my ring shortly after that.

Post # 12
Member
5388 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

You are not alone. My daddy never proposed to my mama. He asked for permission and gave her the ring. They have been happily married for almost 30 years now.

Post # 14
Member
529 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

@lilliansmith – I’m sorry you had to go through that.  It sounds like your wedding wasn’t exactly what you wished it to be, and hopefully you haven’t had to deal with his friends like that again since!

My parents never did a proper engagement either.  My mom asked my dad “Want to get married?” and his response was “What for?”  lol.  They ended up getting married, but my mom didn’t get an “engagement ring” until their 15th wedding anniversary!  And they didn’t actually get wedding rings either until my mother got pregnant.  Then she insisted that they get rings because she didn’t want to be seen as pregnant and unwed, haha.  So you’re definitely not the only one that hasn’t been proposed to!  Hope you feel better!

Post # 15
Member
118 posts
Blushing bee

@lilliansmith: The question about you being married in 1998 is probably because after your name in the post, it has the date “July 26, 1998” (which is usually the wedding date field). Maybe you meant to write July 26, 2008?

Anyway, it’s sad that your lack of a proposal makes you feel “cheated and unloved’. Many couples don’t have ‘proper’ proposals or recieve rings at all and end up living long and loving relationships. From your 2nd entry, it sounds like you may be more unhappy with the way your actual wedding played out and your husband and his friend’s inappriopriate behavior. Maybe this is something you should talk about with your husband, if 2 years later it’s still making you very unhappy.

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