- 5 years ago
Hey guys, regular poster going anon for this one…
So my SO and I are very serious, very in love, and have a rough timeline of being married within 2 years. Sometimes I feel like I pressure him a little too much about getting married, so I’ve been really trying not to talk about it and enjoy my relationship.
My SO is semi-estranged from his famiy. He hasn’t seen most of them in years, and really doesn’t want to. I know his childhood was bad, but he doesn’t like to talk about it, and I don’t press him for details. He’s been in therapy for a few years, and is trying to deal with it.
Also, when we met he was very vocal about the fact that he had never been in love/didn’t know what love felt like, and his past relationships were all pretty emotinally abusive. Since then, we have fallen in love, and it’s been cool to see him experience these emotions for the first time… He’s been pretty excited to be in a relationship that’s supportive and sweet and loving.
Anyway, we’ve beeng getting closer… I’ve been wanting to meet his family. My family loves him, and I’d like to know the family of the person I’m going to spend my life in. We have planned a trip to his hometown multiple times, but it’s always fallen through. This weekend everything was much more concrete, but the day before we were supposed to leave he made up an excuse for why we coudln’t go. I was upset, but we had both already taken time off of work, etc, so we decided to still have a “staycation” just the two of us.
Thursday night, the first night of our staycation, we were just hanging out (a little drunk on wine) and everything was great… but he started getting very emotional, but was trying to hide it… (he has previously said that he’s never cried as an adult), I kept assuring him that whatever he was feeling was okay, and that it was okay for him to be sad… and he just started bawling, and telling me how much pain he has from his childhood. He still didn’t go into specifics, but it’s pretty clear that he was abused by his stepdad, and he has a lot of resentment towards other people in his family for letting it happen. He was a wreck, and just was so emotional about how much pain he is in, and how he dosen’t know what to do about it, and how he loves me so much but is scared to love anyone, and just so much emotional stuff.
He said he loves me, and needs me to be patient with him, but he is really confused.
I just feel so sad for him… I love him so much, and want to make him feel better, but I don’t even know what to do. Also, it honestly does scare me… I’m so so so willing to be patient for him, but I’m also scared of being patient for years, and he’s going to decide that he just needs to be alone.
Right now I’m just trying to be his best friend, and be there for him… I mean, in some ways it’s good… he’s dealing with these issues, and we’re closer now, since he’s been honest with me… but it just a very intense thing to deal with.
Has anyone else dealt with something like this? Does anyone have any advice?