Post # 1
Lil’ Background: I have a total of 10 days of vacation and my job is very strict about taking non-paid time off.
This is the problem: We live on the West coast. I will be getting married in 2 weeks on the East coast and then going on a brief honeymoon. My Fiance and I have allocated our days for our wedding as well as 2 other east coast weddings (which I am in) later on in the summer. We are booked! My job has already expressed some concern about my large amount of days off. In addition to our multiple weddings on the east coast, we have a wedding 3 hours away on a FRIDAY at 2. There is no possible way for me to take this day off to go to their wedding. My Fiance said he would go solo. I thought that was that, case closed. Nope, the groom, who is going out of his way to come to our wedding was very upset that I could not make it. I told him that it was out of my control because it is on a Friday. I understand that he might think it is convent that it is a lot more "local" than ours. I am not sure how to deal with his remarks about all the effort he made to come all the way to our wedding. It is strange because his fiance will not be attending our wedding.
Has anyone else had this tit-for tat about attendance? Does anyone have any other key lines that I could feed him to make him keep feel okay about my situation?
Post # 3
I am not sure what you could say to this person that will make him happy, so to speak. It is his choice to hold his wedding at an inconvenient time, and the fact that he is flying out to your wedding does not mean you "owe" him anything. I’m actually surprised that he’s not being more sensitive to the vacation time issue– I’ve definitely held jobs in the past where I had to conserve my PTO, and people usually understand that you can’t override that.
Post # 4
Tell him you’d really love to come but they just won’t give you the day off. If you voice it as a "conserving PTO" issue it just sounds like you’re saving your vacation for something you’d rather do. Surely he doesn’t expect you to quit your job in order to attend?
Post # 5
I missed three good friends’ weddings which were all long-distance. One is coming, one isn’t, and a third hasn’t responded yet. The one who is coming is local to my wedding, and the one who isn’t lives 3000 miles away. As far as I know, none of them was offended (maybe disappointed, but that’s normal) that I didn’t come and has decided to not to come based on the fact that I didn’t come to theirs.
All that is to say that I think the tit-for-tat thing is really petty. Good friends understand these things. I have another friend who is taking the bar exam a week after my wedding and he very well might not come. Do I think he’s an idiot? Yes. Do I understand and still love him? Of course. People about to take the bar are not in their right minds. I’ll be at his wedding next summer, barring anything catastrophic.
Don’t feed him any key lines. Whether he feels ok about this situation isn’t up to you. Just say that you really wish you could be there but your job situation just doesn’t permit it, and you’re looking forward to seeing him at your wedding. He shouldn’t be offended, but if he is, so be it.
Post # 6
i don’t know what kind of job you have, but would there be any way to flex out that wedding by working during the lunch hour or a little after work that week? That way you would still have all your hours, but would still be able to leave a little early that day. We’re able to do that where I work, but I know it’s not always a widely accepted practice.
Post # 7
I completely agree with MissSnapdragon. He’s being petty, especially when he was probably instrumental in the choice to have a Friday wedding. Even if you could rearrange your schedule like Alli suggested, it sounds like your management isn’t too happy about all the vacation you’re taking anyway.