(Closed) Very hurt, sad, but I think I know what I have to do

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 17
1341 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

Post # 18
9565 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

You are totally right to cut her off. Maybe in a few years she will see the damage shes done and try to repair it. Be strong and protect yourself- she doesnt deserve anymore olive branches from you. 

Sorry internet friend 🙁

Post # 19
5866 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

@Daizy914:  Dang, that’s very toxic.  I’ve read some of your other posts about her adn she sounds nuts.

If I were you I would probably just distance myself.  Not quite the same as cutting her off (I”m not sure if that’s what you are intending) but not make an effort to make her part of my life.  I’d be polite to her at family events, but wouldn’t make an effort to include her in my life and would actively put up a wall to distance myself from her opinions and comments.

Very frustrating.

Post # 20
4765 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Daizy914:  I went back and looked at your recap and I just wanted to let you know trhat you are freakin gorgeous.

Post # 21
1443 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Just snuck a peek at your recap, and you and hubby, and the whole wedding, look amazing! 

Post # 22
7584 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

You can’t choose your family like you choose your friends. If your sister is a jackass who is hurtful and mean, then she doesn’t deserve to be in your life. It’s not your fault that she’s an asshole. It’s her fault.

Post # 23
9129 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

@Daizy914:  It sounds like she is super jealous of your life and has to criticize you for one of things that isn’t as perfect as she deems the rest of your life.  She sounds like a very hateful person so life must be extra hard for her.  I don’t see anything wrong with limiting contact with a family member that is being toxic, especially when it’s just to spew hateful BS about you without provocation.  I would stop calling her and I wouldn’t go out of my way to spend time with her.

Post # 24
772 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013 - Dalhousie Castle

I think you are absolutely doing the right thing by cutting her off. Continuing to talk to her is the emotional equivolent of repeatedly putting your hand on a hot stove. You get hurt over and over! She’s not going to change as she sounds like she has a whole load of her own issues. Luckily, it’s in your power to protect yourself and cut her off. You don’t have to take her abuse or nor should you! Good for you for taking control of the situation!!! 

Post # 25
772 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013 - Dalhousie Castle

PS. I also saw your recap and you looked lovely! 

Post # 27
3681 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

My sister and I don’t speak.  I get a lot of flack from my dad and aunt about it, but I’m ok with not having her in my life.  I refuse to let someone treat me like shit because they’re related to me by blood.  Even before my generation, ours has never been one big happy family, and I refuse to pretend that it is.  

DH and I are in agreement that she will not be allowed around our future children, even if she does try to make up with me in the future.  I don’t need someone talking crap about me to my kids.  

Post # 28
753 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@Daizy914:  I think we have the same sister.

My sister is 24, is rail thin, gorgeous, and is always making fat-jabs at me.  I’m not fat.  Yes, I could stand to lose a few, but I have hips and boobs so she can stfu.  She is constantly mean, defensive, rude, and self-centered.  The only difference between our sisters that I see, is that mine is living rent-free at my parents’ house, while she has a decently paying full-time job. She spends her $$ on trips to AC, DR, and her new car, but always complains that she will not pay for things.  (Note that she doesn’t say she can’t afford it, she just refuses to spend it).  She is dating someone who I graduated HS with, who is a trust-fund baby and she makes him pay for everything.  It enfuriates me.  

She is NOT a bridesmaid in my wedding.  I’d be surprised if she showed up to my shower, or my wedding.

I don’t speak to her, and I don’t really speak to my mother.  Basically, she’s my mom’s favorite.  Anytime there is an issue, my mom takes her side- without hearing that actual problem.  So, having been there, I don’t see anything wrong with cutting contact with someone who is toxic in your life.  Just because someone is “family” does not mean you need to speak to them.

Another example? A cousin of mine raped someone.  He is no longer (to me) considered my cousin, let alone a “human” whose presence that I will adknowledge.

Post # 29
12 posts
  • Wedding: July 2014

Is she only recently being mean to you like this? It sounds like she is jealous. I would try to talk to her, let her know that if she can’t grow up and get her s**t together, then she can spend your wedding day smoking pot with her boyfriend, because you have a wedding to have, and ain’t no one gonna bring you down! Smile! 🙂

Post # 31
3206 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

@Daizy914:  I don’t live by the mantra that blood is thicker than water. NO. Remove toxic people from your life, regardless of whether you’re related to them or they’re the friend you made last year.

I don’t speak to my uncle because he’s a weirdo. It makes my extended family very upset with me, and I’ve dealt with a lot of vitriol because of it. I don’t care. I dislike him as a human being and he is cut from my life. I ignore him if he is present at a family gathering. We have a long complicated relationship, and I spent this past holiday season happier than any other year because he was no longer in my life.

If your sister is so horrible to you and you continue to allow that behaviour in your life, you’re just enabling her shitty attitude. Cut her.

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