(Closed) Very hurtful comments about my wedding photos (again!!)

posted 11 years ago in Emotional
Post # 17
Member
900 posts
Busy bee

I fully support making a complaint!

 

But since that can have so many different outcomes, it’s nice to know that you are prepared to deal with her regardless.  For which I recommend a lot of obnoxious snorts when she talks and a well-deserved superiority complex.

Post # 18
Member
5262 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2012

I would much rather be with someone who found me attractive because I was ME – all those personality traits that make someone attractive – because otherwise what happens when you wake up with bedhead, or put on some weight? Marriage should be about more than looks!

And… she shouldn’t go there, anyway. Not her place one bit. 

I’m a lot like you, I can do confrontation in the moment, but beyond that, I always put off bringing it up. It might be easier just to talk to someone else about it. 

Post # 19
Member
1045 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2008

Don’t chicken out– sometimes you NEED to confront people, to get things out in the open.  Just do it, and you’ll feel much better afterwards.  Her behaviour is OUTRAGEOUS and completely unacceptable!

I would write a letter to her first, before involving HR.  Let her know how out of line and rude these personal attacks are, and that if they persist, you will put in an official complaint with HR.  Seriously, she’s not one of your “buddies”– she’s a teacher and should be acting in a more professional manner.

I still think you should start a thread tomorrow with some of the pics, though, so we can oooooh and aaaaaah over them.  🙂

 

Post # 20
Member
216 posts
Helper bee

    This behavior sounds utterly horrid.      I can’t believe that in this person mind saying that kind of stuff is even remotely ok .      Sometimes in life we have to deal with outrageous behavior from others.    Have you told her flat out how hurtful these comments are? 

Post # 21
Member
5988 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

omg, what a BITCH!  at the very least shes a burnt out man hater im guessing but what the ****…. who says things like that

if she starts up again i would be telling her that her comments are hurtful and unprofessional and she is to keep her comments to the course notes only

let me say it again – what a bitch!

Post # 22
Member
112 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

i would have snapped.  but that’s just me~you don’t talk about my man or my kids.  i would change classes and also file a report.  some people are just bitter and jealous.  she can go and kick rocks and then play in highway traffic.  maybe that’s why she’s a MISS and you are a MRS.  lol

Post # 23
Member
689 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

hmm, maybe shes just jealous..that is sooooooo rude, i too, would be soooo offended..

Post # 24
Member
5870 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

This is your professor, right?  I can see why you didn’t stand up to her since she controsl your grades.  But goodness, you’ve got self control!  I would have ripped her head off.

Switch classes.  She’s clearly a bully.

Post # 25
Member
1489 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

“Beauty and the Beast”???? That is totally beyond the pale. Don’t show her anything; don’t discuss your personal life. Avoid her as much as you can. Sheesh!

Post # 26
Member
601 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010 - Heinz Chapel Ceremony, Museum Reception

Girl, what she said was absolutely vicious. That goes way beyond inadvertent or just socially awkward or something. She’s being horrible to you, and she’s doing it on purpose. You need to say something to someone so she knows it is absolutely unacceptable to make awful comments about your husband, the man you love. Even if you hate confrontation, I think you should let your love for your husband drive you to stand up for him.

Post # 27
Member
940 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

I’m so sorry to hear that. What a horrible thing to be told at such a joyful time in your life.

What a bitter, angry woman she is. You should try to take some comfort in the fact that her comments had way more to do with her own feelings about herself than her thoughts on your wedding or your husband. People put others down to prop themselves up.

But, it still hurts, very badly, I’m sure.

Post # 28
Member
363 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2010 - Trinity Presbyterian Church/Harrison Opera House

Her comments are rude and hurtful.  If you can’t confront her face to face, write her an email.  If/When she reacts poorly, then bring it up with a dean (or supervisor).  I would write something like this:

“I was excited to show you my wedding pictures.  I worked hard to plan the wedding and my husband has been working hard on improving his health.  Your comments were extremely hurtful and rude.   I’m even more concerned about your comments because they represent an emerging pattern in your attitude towards me and my marriage.  They have broken the bond of trust that we should have as a professor and student.  Your comments leave me in a place where I have been seriously considering changes classes to avoid having to hear them.  I would like to work things out, but this require a change in the way you address me and my husband.  I will not tolerate you making inappropriate comments about his outward appearance.  If you continue to do so, I will need to speak with the dean about it.”

I’m so sorry that she’s been saying such horrible things!  I hope things take a turn for the better soon!

Post # 29
Member
3282 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

i wish i had a more constructive thing to say but…HOW RUDE IS SHE?!  Ugh, is she like this about everything (bitter, cynical and just downright mean)??  If so, someone needs to report her, stat!  That’s not a happy work environment.

Post # 30
Member
1084 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

Sorry you’re going through this.  For me I had some great faculty and some completely socially inept faculty.  I don’t know if somehow a degree selects for this craziness or what.  I would advocate for just being absolutely blunt with her.  If she says something just say ‘wow, that is so rude’ or ‘I hope I’m the only student you treat this way or I’m guessing you’re not going for any teaching awards or I have no idea what that has to do with what is being taught or something.  Some people are absolutely just rude and need to be told plainly and bluntly despite them being a ‘superior’. 

While I was getting my degree I had an advisor tell me the only way he knew students cared about their project is if he could make them cry about it – ugh.  After a lab meeting where I had everything from an axis on my graph not being thick enough to a recent breakup with a boyfriend being brought up and getting yelled at for, I was definately beyond ranting, and all I was told in response was that no one will be this hard on you when you give a real presentation, I’m just preparing you for the worst so you’ll always be ready. 

Post # 31
Member
1882 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I agree that she is very rude, but why are you sharing personal information with her if she is such a b***c about it?  You are telling her your future plans, about your job, and hubby-just stop talking to her. You are setting yourself up to be hurt, and there is a way to put a stop to it-Just don’t tell her anything.

She obviously can’t handle being in a “superior” (using the word lightly) position and with people like that, it is pointless to get into a confrontation. They are bitter and angry about their own lives and take it out on others. At this point I think an email is pointless too-this has been going on for two years. Stop talking to her. I also don’t understand why you are looking for her approval. You aren’t going to get it. I’m not trying to be mean, but honestly it sounds a little ridiculous.

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