(Closed) (VERY) Long vent, share thoughts? Estranged family, relationship issues etc.

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 17
Member
1882 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@Anonymous14:  your parents may indeed love you in their own way, but they are abusive.  They have mistreated you for no reason. Please let your husband and his family take care of you and stay away from them for now, while you heal and acquire the coping skills to deal with them in the future. So glad you have your loving guy and his family to support you! 

 

Post # 18
Member
2959 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I hate to be blunt, but your parents are crazy. Totally freaking nuts. You are of legal age and they are treating you like you are still a small child. I agree with PPs – you have been seriously affected by those abusive people you happen to be related to. Some of that damage will need worked on. You need to find ways to STOP letting your family harass you. Therapy can help you do that. Personally I would have to cut them out of my life – at least temporarily.

Post # 19
Member
859 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@Anonymous14:  do you mind if i ask if your parents are from a different culture? their ideas about you disrespecting your brother and feeling the right to force you to not contact your husband, etc sound like there is some underlying belief system that i don’t understand.

i’m so sorry you’ve been dealing with this! it sounds awful!

Post # 20
Member
2319 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Just ignore the mail. Do NOT even open it. It has nothing useful in it anyways! Trash it or burn it immediately. It’s not worth the heartache. It’s only making you feel worse.

Meanwhile, get some counseling. For the BOTH of you. Your DH also went through a LOTTTTT even though he is going to put on a brave front because he is a Marine that ‘everything’s alright’, he’s fine, etc. (I know quite a few Marines.) But encourage him to come to counseling WITH YOU. It will make him feel comfortable and encourage him to speak up as well.

Carry on with your life as normally as you possibly can. It helps.

Post # 22
Member
2597 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@Anonymous14:  Oh Sweetie, I’m sorry you had to go through all that.

I’m not sure what to say about your parents except that they sound extremely controlling to the point of abuse at times, extremely rigid, extremely punitive and unforgiving and a bit delusional.  Making you write letters of apology to them is bad enough…but to your brothers?  What is that?

I understand their wanting you to wait. Frankly, I think most parents would have wanted that too, but the way they went about things was, well, odd and almost guaranteed to drive you away.

I get the sense that your parents are Evangelical Christians? Some religious people just seem to think that there is one way to live and that everything they do is right and Godly. They’re usually wrong. Your Dad pushing you to admit you were no longer Christian? Sounds like spiritual bullying to me.

I would advise you to get some counseling to help you deal with all this and find a way to deal with your parents so you can have a relationship with them, but also set some boundaries. I’m glad that they have reached out to you, but concerned that they may still attempt to run your life In inappropropriate ways.

Go talk to someone you can trust. Either a professional counselor, a pastor or maybe even your in-laws.

Good luck. You sound very sweet and like you have a good head on your shoulders.

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