(Closed) Very lopsided guest list and socially anxious groom

posted 4 years ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
1888 posts
Buzzing bee

Is there a middle ground, where maybe you can have 25-30 people? It sounds like the guest list grew because your mom didn’t want to have hard conversations with people, and it’s not really fair to your fiance for your family to dominate the wedding. I mean, you’d have 3x as many people as him, and if he has difficulty with crowds, think how uncomfortable he would feel. I would try and find a compromise with each other. I have a partner who would do anything to make me happy, too, and it’s great, but we have to take extra care to make sure they’re not shoving down their needs for us.

Post # 4
Member
4 posts
Wannabee

I had friends who were in the exact same position. They found that most of the grooms stress was coming from having to stand up in front of all these people and be the center of attention. The compromise they reached was an extremely tiny ceremony, just their parents and siblings, and then a bigger reception so people could come celebrate with them. I think the reception was still only about 50 guests, but the groom didn’t feel like he was on display the whole time.

Post # 6
Member
277 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

I’m in an in-between situation…I come from a VERY large family (mom is one of 12) and only one set of my aunts/uncles is coming to my wedding. I’d been telling my FI’s family how big and fun my family is, only to have one set show up. I am mortified. All of his family is coming, who we originally thought would be a small presence in comparison. I am socially anxious and would prefer a smaller wedding anyway, but the lop-sided guest list is actually worse than a big wedding where I’m in the spotlight. I can totally commiserate with your Fiance. 

I do not think you should have to concede your guest list for his though. It is your family for crying out loud, enjoy celebrating with them!

Post # 7
Member
186 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

View original reply
juniperberry3:  I’m kind of in the same situation, but our guest list is lopsided because my fiancé has a very large family and I actually do too, but I don’t speak to anyone from my father’s side. I only have a handful of people I’m inviting, but I wouldn’t consider asking my fiancé to cut his list down because mine is small. I would say if you want to cut it down to make him feel better I would look and see if there’s anyone that you’re ok with not inviting. If not, I would just explain to him that you understand he doesn’t have many people he is close with, but you do and it’s important that they’re at your wedding. 

Post # 10
Member
2108 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

View original reply
juniperberry3:  I have the same problem that our guest list is more lopsided to my side. I have a big family and I’m close with them so once we both ruled out elopement my partner was aware that most of the guests would be my family. I struggled a bit too because even with my own family, I wasn’t ready to be the centre of attention. Maybe read this article (or see if your partner will read it), it certainly made me feel a little better – http://apracticalwedding.com/2012/08/classic-apw-your-wedding-is-not-a-show/

Post # 11
Member
2134 posts
Buzzing bee

Same situation. I hate crowds. Full of anxiety.

Fiance has 70 adults and around 20 kids on his side. I have around 25-30. His side consists of first cousins, aunts and uncles. Nothing more. 

 

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