(Closed) VERY PERSONAL…. upset (too much information too…. lol)

posted 11 years ago in Emotional
Post # 47
Member
277 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

You look way smaller than a size 10.  I would check to see if insurance would cover any of the costs of surgery to remove the excess skin.

Buying firming creams and that kind of thing is a waste of money–it won’t make the skin go away.

Post # 51
Member
2511 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

@ Baby PebbleS – (sorry this is SOOO long) First I want to say that you look amazing! I could tell by the first pic of you that you weren’t very happy (you didn’t look it anyways) and in the second pic, it was like a whole new you, inside and out! You look great and definately deserve recognition and congratulations for losing all that weight! You accomplished something awesome! I’m so sad to hear that you’re feeling terrible about yourself and that it’s affecting your intimate relationship with your Fiance. From what it sounds like, he has really been there for you through all of it (you said you got together when you were bigger?) and has been a great support to you, and that is wonderful! He sounds like a very caring and sincere man and you’re lucky to have someone like that. There’s no doubt in my mind that he is with you because of you ARE, whether or not you would have even lost the weight. I believe he truly loves you for you, and finds you incredibly beautiful no matter what.

Now, having said that, I want to tell you that I am pretty much the EXACT same way with my hubby. Except….I’m EXTREMELY self-conscious about my face. That’s right, my FACE. 1) My face is shaped funny. My chin RECEDES (as in, my jaw doesn’t line up with my top teeth) and it gives me a very odd looking profile. (As in, I do NOT like people taking side pics of me, and there are no side pics of me posted here). I absolutely HATE it. 2) I have BAD skin. Acne. Scars. Very VERY oily. Luckily, I don’t have as much acne as I used to, but I still have the scars, and without makeup I feel like a monster. In digital pics, you can’t really tell, but trust me -they are there. I didn’t feel like a pretty bride on my wedding day. I had a TON of makeup on, but still felt very self-conscious. (they are the ice pick scars, which means they make my face look “lumpy” and pock-marked, especially in certain lighting) I don’t have the money to get any kind of facial peel / laser surgery / etc. because that is super-expensive and usually involves several treatments. 3) I still have acne. I get cycstic acne that leaves MORE scars. It’s not as frequent as it used to be, but for a 30 yr old it’s absolutely RIDICULOUS. Basically, I hate the way I look, and I cannot hide it under clothes. I feel your pain, I truly truly do. There isn’t a day that goes by when I feel TRULY pretty, because compared to other girls (which I know I shouldn’t do) I just don’t look the same. (honestly, I’m almost crying just typing this lol) My hubby says I’m beautiful. He says he doesn’t see what I see and it really frustrates him that sometimes I’ll cry over the way I look. Especially when I’m breaking out on my face. I would LOVE to have beautiful, clear “alabaster” skin like you, or really any other girl except me. I would love to have the “tiny” break out pimples that some girls complain over. Ok, I’m going to stop now because this is getting really long, but my POINT is: Your man doesn’t see what you see. He really doesn’t, but at the same time, it doesn’t mean that it’s not valid in your own MIND, and that’s what you (and I) need to somehow face down, so it doesn’t ruin our lives with our wonderful men.

Hang in there – One more congrats by the way, you look awesome!

Post # 53
Member
7052 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

Congratulations on your weight loss and you look beautiful!

Do concentrate on toning exercises.  I’ve heard bellydancing is great for ab toning!

As for the self conscious/intimacy thing, how about investing in some gorgeous corsets?  That would boost the assets up top and cover any areas of concern you might have around your ab area.

They’re super sexy!  I’m sure victoria’s secret has some.

You’re beautiful period.  And your fiance knows it and so do we.  Hugs!

Post # 57
Member
409 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

Wow. You look amazing. I totally want your secrets. ๐Ÿ™‚ I’m glad you’re getting all this great advice.  Sounds to me like you lost more than weight by getting rid of your ex too.  I’m overweight and very self conscious but I still try to look sexy for my hubby when I get the chance too. I’m sure your Fiance loves you enough and sees you in a different light than you see yourself.  I think as women we are harder on ourselves.

 

Lots of hugs to you.  

Post # 59
Member
1098 posts
Bumble bee

Holy crap!  You are GORGEOUS!  A sincere congratulations on your amazing weight loss.  You look wonderful and your arms are to die for. 

Although I’ve never been really heavy, I can certainly relate to what you went through with your ex and the lasting affect it can have on your psyche.  In my 20’s, I always fluctuated between a size 8-10 US.  After having my daughter 13 years ago and while in law school, I dropped to a size 4-6 (I’m 5’6″) and maintained it until recently.  Then my ex-boyfriend (of 3 years) before I met my husband would harp on me whenever I gained a few pounds telling me “baby, you are getting fat” or “ew, you have fat on the back of your legs” “your arms look gross like your mother’s” (I was only a size 8!).  Now I’m so self-conscious even with my husband – who has NEVER said anything regardless if I gain a little weight (which I did – I put on 10 lbs. after our wedding last August – I’ve lost it now and then some but he never, ever said anything negative).  But I don’t ever wear shorts, don’t like to walk around the house in anything skimpy, etc. And I know how it can affect how comfortable you are in an intimate situation. In essence, it really is all in my head.

My goal now is to keep exercising to tighten the muscles (I’m battling age too which is hard) – I know you probably already are.  The problem is that tummies are one of the hardest – if the hardest (along with thighs) to lose weight and tightened up.  I know surgery is scary but if the you decide to do it, just make sure to do your research, find a well-qualified doctor, get referrals, etc.  I know the results are amazing (I’ve had several friends that had one because no matter what they did, they couldn’t tighten up that area).  I just had a breast reduction/lift (after seeing my wedding photos) and although I was terrified, I couldn’t be happier.  The boost in my confidence is immeasurable. 

So, sorry about my babbling away here.  Just know that you ARE beautiful, your accomplishment is extraordinary and no matter what your honey is going to love you. 

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