Post # 1
Of course, just like two weeks after I make a post asking why pregnant bridesmaids are such a big deal!!!! That, my friends, is what we call karma!
My Maid/Matron of Honor just told us last night that she’s pregnant and that basesd on her estimations, she’ll be due around August 30. My wedding is September 6. I’m really trying not to be a diva about this and I don’t think I showed any concern/uncertainty about the situation to her, but I need some time to adjust to this! I really needed a right-hand man the day of and she’s going to be SO exhausted if she can even make it! I told my other bridesmaids that I’ll need more help than I previously anticipated. My Maid/Matron of Honor lives just down the road and is married, so I was planning on leaning on her a LOT and now she’s going to have a lot of her own stuff to plan and deal with, but we’ll make do.
I told her I’m so happy for her of course. She said she didn’t want me to stress about her role in the wedding and that she’d do everything no matter what. I told her I’d be happy to reassign some of the “traditional” duties to take some stress off her the months prior. But I’m concerned that there are two options: she will either be over 9 months pregnant and stressed and miserable and tired, or she will have literally JUST given birth and be exhausted and stressed. I told her, “I don’t think you could PAY me to be a bridesmaid just a few days after giving birth, so really, I understand whatever you need to do,” and she said she is intent on being there as a bridesmaid no matter what.
I kind of wish she had stepped down and chose to just attend the wedding if she can to make this whole thing easier, but I can’t ask her to do that. She’s my best friend! I want her there, but I’m so concerned about all the variables we can’t control. I guess we get a dress that will fit her and look okay in case she’s 9+ months pregnant, but that can also be taken in attractively last minute should she have the baby? Of course, I’m having a different bridesmaid plan the bachelorette party and Maid/Matron of Honor can come for just a few hours or all night or whatever she’s comfortable with when the time comes.
What else do we need to plan for? Things we need to take into account? Advice? Help!
Post # 3
She might think she will be able to do everything, but I can almost guarantee she won’t be able to and just feels bad. Insist her you are concerned for her and you’d rather have her as a guest (or even call her your honorary Maid/Matron of Honor but relieve her of any duties besides maybe giving you advice/support) because you are worried about her.
Post # 4
@208bride: I don’t think the bachelorette is a big deal, so long as it is a month or more before the wedding. She should be able to attend at 8 months or so.
But the wedding is a problem. I think you need to convince her to step down somehow. (Hopefully she’ll change her mind herself in the next few weeks). First babies are often late – there’s a good chance she’ll still be in hospital! If not, she’ll be in no mood to stand for long, whether it’s pre or post birth.
Like Geekchic said, what if she is an honourary MOH? She wears what she wants, and sits during the ceremony; but if she’s there she signs the register and/or proposes a toast; and of course you arrange for special photos of you and her as if she was a bridesmaid. Make it clear you’ll include her as much as possible, so that stepping down is easier for her to do.
Post # 5
This happened to me too. My best friend since 2nd grade got pregnant after my wedding was planned and paid for and was due the same day of my wedding. If she had told me a month earlier, I would have rescheduled the wedding for her to be there. I offered to have her do a reading instead of being a bridesmaid since she would either be about to give birth or have a fresh newborn. She insisted on being in the wedding and planning the bachelorette party the night before the wedding. The baby was born 4 days before my wedding and she still came to all the events but she looked miserable and she spent the wedding in a corner shielding the baby’s teeny ears from the band. I think it would have been better for everyone if she was home with the baby instead of suffering through the wedding out of obligation for me. We’re just too darn nice to be able to say that to each other.
It worked out, we’re still best friends and I look back on my wedding fondly. But honestly I wish she would have waited just one more month to start trying for a baby or had told me that she was pregnant right away so I could have moved my wedding. I really missed having my best friend around for my wedding events that we had so much fun doing for her wedding.
She got a dress from David’s bridal with room to grow. It worked fine for her postpartum body and would have worked for a pregnant belly too. I just missed her in a way I wasn’t prepared for.
Post # 6
This is going to be really tough and you might consider asking her about stepping down, for her own good. The first thing that popoed in my head was that if this is her first baby it’s very likely she’ll be delivering late, pretty much on or very near your wedding day. You’d both be a lot less stressed out if she was involved without the heavy title.
Post # 7
I think that she can still be your bridesmaid, I wouldn’t strip her of that if she wants to still be one. But I think you both need to be realistic about what she’ll be able to do. I think you need to expect nothing more from her than being there with you at the ceremony. Let the other bridesmaid take over her “duties”. It may be best if she wears something of her own so she’s not paying out loads for something she might never wear. Make it clear to her that whilst youd love her to be there, if she’s not up to attending then you will be completely understanding. Also let her know that if she does make it to the ceremony, then there’s no obligation to be at the reception – whatever she feels up to is fine. And make sure she has somewhere to sit down during the ceremony if she needs to.
Post # 8
I will just offer what I have said many times over my years on different boards – she is still your Maid/Matron of Honor whether she is there or not. If she can make it, great! If she can’t – send her bouquet to her and have your officient mention her in a blessing if you are having a religious ceremony. If you aren’t, mention your Maid/Matron of Honor can’t be with you today (in your program) because she has just given birth to her new child.
There really isn’t anything that can’t be handled because she isn’t with you. I am in the school of her job being to buy the dress and show up – anything else is voluntary and wonderful.
Have a chair for her so she can sit down. When people see this they will think you are the most thoughtful bride on the planet. Don’t do marathon pics that keep her on her feet for hours. As time gets closer, ask her what she needs to be comfortable and tell her nothing is off limits. Oh – and she should wear flats!
Post # 9
@208bride: I know it sounds stressful, because to you, your wedding is the most important day of your life. I do think you’re potentially making a mountain out of a mole hill. 😉 I’m a firm believer that your bridal party isn’t there to be your slaves. I know you probably don’t think that they are….but it seems like way too often we see a bride’s reaction to a pregnant bridesmaid be “OMG….they’re pregnant. Who is going to plan my bridal shower? Who is going help put my favors together? Who is going to do yada yada yada?” Is it nice if they’re able to help with those things? Yes, absolutely…but it should in no way be a given they should do those things.
What exactly do you think she won’t be able to do? Her job is to simply be there standing next to you on your big day, loving you. If your concern is about her planning parties, that can easily be a task for your other bridesmaids.
There isn’t really anything you need to plan for. If she’s still pregnant make sure you’ve got plenty of snacks and lunch for the getting ready process. She’ll most likely be tired, so if hair/makeup starts early I’d let her go as close to last as possible. Otherwise, just make sure she has plenty of time to rest and sit down. I had a bride/groom bring a folding camp chair with them so their VERY pregnant bridesmaid could sit down during photos when she wasn’t needed in the shot.
FWIW, I’ve got be in two weddings – one in October and one in November. We’re probably going to start TTC in about 3 months so I could potentially be 7-8 months pregnant at those weddings. My friends know this, and are thrilled.
Post # 10
@208bride: I was in a wedding where another bridesmaid had given birth just 2 weeks before. She got a nice flowy gown, didn’t have to show up to anything that day but the wedding itself. She was able to get ready on her and baby’s time which seemed to make it easier. They had her husband take the baby during photos and the ceremony but day of it turned out well. I’d be more worried about leading up to the wedding her gettin too exhausted trying to do both. I would probably recommend including her a lot at the moment and slowly taper off the farther she gets. If she has the baby days before just tell her it’s fine to skip or offer her to still wear her dress and enjoy the day but sit so she can rest up
Post # 11
@208bride: I’d go into it with the plan that even though she thinks she can do it all, she won’t be able to (esp if this is her first pregnancy and has no clue what she is in for). Tht being said I think you should keep her as Maid/Matron of Honor and let your ther girls know you will also need their help and support just as much. At the end of the day let her choose what she is comfortable doing or not doing l. If she can’t be there she can’t be there, if she can great. You’ll have to be flexible and take it as it comes.
Id be pretty sad if my friend asked me to step down because I was pregnant even if I couldn’t be there or do what I thought I could for her. to me the bridal party is about your closest friends support and not what they can or cannot do for you to help.
Post # 12
This happened to be me also but luckily my best friend took herself out of the wedding party all together and I was able to ask anothrr friend (who I wanted to ask in the beginning but didnt want 8 bridesmaids). My friends original due date was 3/31. Our wedding was 3/30. Her due date got moved to 3/20 and she had him 3/26. C section. And she still came to the wedding and even did the electric slide! Lol
Post # 13
- Wedding: July 2014 - Prague
It sounds like you guys have a great relationship. Life doesn’t wait for your plans, does it!! Just be flexible, hope for the best and expect that she’ll be super wiped out and may not be able to attend, but a PP said it well: she’s still your MOH!
Post # 14
She could be in labour on the day of your wedding. If there is travel associated with attending your wedding she may not be able to attend (even if she’s hugely pregnant). Often it’s advised that you stay within a certain distance of the hospital you plan on delivering at.
OR she could have a newborn.
Congratulations to your Maid/Matron of Honor, but it’s unlikely she will be able to attend your wedding.
Post # 15
I think it’s hard for any of us to say how she’ll feel or if she’ll be able to attend. Some people feel totally fine within a few days, while others weren’t up to doing anything for a week or more. I think if this person is important enough to OP to be made the Maid/Matron of Honor in the first place – she should continue on as planned and not let it stress her out. If the friend can’t make it, it won’t be without trying, I’m sure.
Everyone is different too. I know people who were so adament that everything happen according to their birth plan that they wouldn’t have dare left town close to their due date. Birthing that “their” hospital was the only option they’d entertain. I’ve had friends come into town where I live (in a resort area) the week of their due date on a previously planned vacation. They just brought everything with them, and if she went into labor here they’d have a great story to tell about baby being born at the beach.
We’re going to start TTC within the next couple of months and I could potentially be pregnant (and likely almost due) for the two weddings I’m in this year – both of which are out of town. One is 1.5 hours away, the other is 2.5 hours away. If I’m pregnant, I’ll be taking everything with me. Short of actually being in labor these are two weddings I would not miss for anything. I figure – babies are born everyday, everywhere, all over the world. Surely giving birth in a hospital that I hadn’t “planned” on isn’t the worst thing that could happen. For me it’s differnent though – up until about 10 years ago we didn’t even have a hospital here. My parents lived here and I was born in a hospital over 2 hours away, same for my brother. I know plenty of people who went into labor and were taken to our hospital, only to still have to be transported to a hospital 2 hours away.
Post # 16
@GeekChic: I think this is what I’m going to do. I’ll wait on her first ultrasound to get a more clear due date, let life settle down a bit in the next few weeks, then approach this topic with her. One of my biggest concerns isn’t about Maid/Matron of Honor duties at all, it’s just about doing regular bridesmaid stuff – showing up early to get ready and take pictures, standing for all the formal pictures post-ceremony, stuff like that. I am going to just be selfish for a minute and just say that I’m really afraid that it will be apparent to guests and in pictures that one of my bridesmaids is A) hugely pregnant, uncomfortable, tired, and doesn’t want to be there, or B) a brand-new stressed out mom who just gave birth a few days prior and is exhausted and doesn’t want to be there! I know she wants to be there and do everything more than anything in the world right now but I don’t know that she’ll feel that way come that time, and I sure wouldn’t blame her at all!