(Closed) Very private bride to be (to be)…how to handle questions, etc.?

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 17
Member
7199 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

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@letigre:  Actually, at the same office a few of us went out to a pool hall one Friday night. Another coworker brought her boyfriend and we all had fun. She got fairly drunk and we all left around 2am. Come Monday we find out they left straight from the pool hall to Vegas and got married! So yeah… I guess people do just up and do it! 

Actually… my sister works at Starbucks & one day I got a text from her saying “(Cousin) and his Girlfriend are in the store with (Aunt & Uncle). I swear they’re talking about a wedding! They aren’t engaged, right?” Yup. They decided to go to the JOP with just their parents and we all found out about it after the ceremony. 

Post # 18
Member
3625 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

DH and I are super private and we only shared the details with one or two close friends. If people ask, just give them very vague answers, like “Oh, we’re still looking” or “Oh, it’s going well”. If people suggest vendors or whatever, just say, “Oh thanks, we still don’t have a plan/vision yet.” It’s hard being nosy when someone is being deliberately vague.

As for a shower and a bachelorette party, you just have to put your foot down and say “No, thank you!” and be done with it. I had to repeat that a few times and in the end, people understood. If they really know what you’re like, I think they’ll understand.

 

Post # 19
Member
36 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I can definitely relate! I really wanted a private elopement, but the big family ceremony and reception is important to my fiance. The challenge is that since I’m the bride, everyone is constantly asking me about the plans, my “vision” for the wedding, etc. And while I’m certainly glad to be getting married, it’s kind of awkward to field all of the questions.

I’ve basically dealt by just shifting the attention away from the wedding stuff as much as possible by saying things like, “Oh, we’re just really enjoying being engaged right now. We’ll figure out the details later.” Or sharing just a quick detail that I’m genuinely excited about like, “We’re homebrewing a lot of beer for the big day!” and then changing the subject.

It’s tough when people are constantly asking you about the wedding when it feels like such a personal event, but I just try and keep the things that are truly important to me in mind (and know that before long we’ll be married and all of this will be done!).

Post # 21
Member
495 posts
Helper bee

On the other side, you could have my experience — barely anyone has asked me anything about the wedding. Aside from my mom (who is also doing about 15% of the planning, so she has to ask!), sister and closest friend, people have either assumed a congratulatory, non-inquisitive stance or have asked 1-3 polite, noninvasive questions.

I don’t have a lot to share (small wedding with little elaborate planning), so it’s been great.

Post # 22
Member
817 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

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@remijp:  +1

OP you are a woman after my own heart! 🙂

Post # 23
Member
453 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I’m a fairly private person, so I can totally relate. I did have to deal with a bombardment of questions on FB once the news broke, but for the most part I ignored it or played it off. I waited until the rush of comments was over, and then posted something general like, “Thank you for all of the congratulations and well wishes! We’re very excited. So far, we’re still enjoying the engagement and haven’t started planning anything.” If someone commented on FB about being invited, I either ignored it or explained in private that it’s a small family gathering.

I didn’t walk into my workplace with my ring finger out or anything, but I did oblige requests to see it. People gushed for a little bit, asked me about my plans (and I would repeat that we hadn’t started planning), and then that was that. The only thing I really said was, “Well, we’re likely going to have a very small wedding with just close family.” That way, no one really assumed they were invited.

It settles down pretty quickly. Everyone gets all excited, which for a private person is uncomfortable, but then things return to normal. I think people follow my lead, and since I don’t volunteer any information about the wedding, hardly anyone asks about it other than to ask if it’s going well or if I’m getting nervous. A couple of people ask more involved questions, but I keep it vague and simple.

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