(Closed) Very quiet in-laws????

posted 4 years ago in Family
Post # 2
2600 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Um, to me that’s really weird. And not just “introverted” but rude. 

Introversion is not the same as being shy; nor does it mean unable to make conversation (actually, a more typical profile of an introvert is someone who is conversational one-on-one or in small groups of close friends AND also someone who can, in fact, speak to a large crowd, but feels uncomfortable at say, a cocktail party with acquaintances). 

It’s super weird to have dinner together and not talk at all. And then really weird (and rude) to even break out a tablet when you have a guest over (the exception being if you were all going to watch something together or something like that). 

And while I understand shy, in the end, it’s also just rude to not at least try to acknowledge and appreciate someone’s presence, especially if they are a guest. 

Sorry, hon–I don’t really know what advice to give, other than I think it’s weird. 

Post # 3
296 posts
Helper bee

As a very introverted person,I think there is a line between introverted and rude,and your inlaws have crossed that line. 

Post # 4
329 posts
Helper bee

Yes, it sounds awkward (especially from someone who grew up in a big, loud Italian family)! But to be honest, if Fiance is telling you that’s just how they are, he might be telling the truth. I wouldn’t stress too much- and certainly don’t feel like it’s “all on you” to make conversation. My FI’s family has a similar routine, where after dinner they all settle in a room with tea and their own books/tablets/whatever. I’m sure it looks standoffish from the outside, but actually it’s quite peaceful and nice. It’s just how they choose to unwind while still spending time together.

Post # 5
1543 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

That sounds awful. You might have to take charge and be willing to put yourself out there to make conversation happen- ask them questions, tell them what’s going on in your life, etc. lead by example. 

Post # 6
3281 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I think that sometimes introverts do not realize when they are being standoffish. My husband has that issue. I let him know that while I am not expecting him to become an extrovert, being completely silent and grunting one word answers is off putting when we are in the company of others. 

As for not talking about your wedding, perhaps your in-laws didn’t want to seem intrusive. It could also be that they were waiting for you to bring up wedding plans. Remember that very few people are going to care about your wedding as much as you and your partner. Sometimes others just do not find weddings exciting, especially those who prefer to keep to themselves. 

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 2 months ago by  amiona.
Post # 7
360 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

I’m in the exact same situation with my FI’s dad and wife. Silent dinners.

I understand if they don’t have much to discuss with recent college grads, but can’t they at least talk to EACH OTHER?!

Post # 8
46980 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Consider taking some board games with you next time. Everyone will end up talking if you can get them to participate.

Post # 9
1514 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

happybunny177:  I would suggest bringing wine and/or eggnog next time!

Post # 10
9698 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2019

julies1949:  Excellent idea! Articulate is a great one for that.

I agree with PPs, there is a line between introverted and rude and they are blurring that line. However I don’t think them all breaking out their own tablets while sitting together after dinner is rude if it’s normal for them. Maybe it’s a good sign, that they feel comfortable enough with you in their home to do what they normally do around family rather than feeling the need to make awkward conversation with someone new to the circle if that makes sense.

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