(Closed) Very Sad Holiday season underway… Need encouragement :(

posted 4 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
369 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

Wow. That’s so heavy. Im so sorry you’re going through this.its so much I don’t even know where to begin. I know you love your grandparents and as much as you want them to stay you must support them in having a better quality of life. Please be more forgiving of your mom and sister. They are struggling with horrible illnesses and they need your love and support. It hurts and it sucks but for your grandparents sake, don’t put guilt on their shoulders.  Let them know you want what’s best for them. (((Hugs)))

Post # 3
Member
8856 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Cheekie0077:  I’m so sorry for your situation. I know the heartache and chaos that mental illness can cause. Please understand that your grandparents are doing what’s best for them. Your mom and sister are sick. They can’t help. I know it’s hard not to be angry, but really, sympathy and compassion are more in order if you can find it in your heart. You have your reasons why it’s not feasible for you to help them, and your mom and sister have their reasons. It’s kind of not fair for you to be mad at them for not being able to help when you’re not either. Can you be grateful that your uncle can help and try to be happy for your grandparents, that they have the strength, wisdom, and resources to do what’s best? Again, I’m very sorry for your situation and hope you can find some peace for yourself and acceptance for your mom and sister.

Post # 4
Member
47202 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

As hard as it is for you, I would encourage you to try to be more calm and accepting of the situation in front of your grandparents. Just think how your histrionics are making them feel. They have probably agonized over the living situation and are fully aware that you will miss them. They will miss you too.

Instead of focussing on your loss, put your mind to work to maximize contact after they move. Are they internet savy? If yes, you can skype or facetime. If not, you could teach them the basics before they move. Maybe the whole family could buy them a laptop amd pay for internet service as their Christmas gift.

Post # 5
Member
183 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

You sound like an amazing sister, daughter, and granddaughter.  I wish for the best of health for everyone in your family.  Will you be able to visit them in Florida often?  My grandparent lives a plane ride away, and I feel your pain in worrying that each time will be the last time.  Will your grandparents be able to visit you in NJ often?

Post # 6
Member
1230 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

I used to be on dialysis prior to my double transplant.  Your grandfather must make plans in advance to travel since dialysis facilities tend to be overcrowded and he will have to find one with an opening on a day that he needs in an area that he needs.  He might have to travel some distance.  I can understand that you will miss them and that they are an important part of your life.  However, if they were my grandparents I would want the best possible care and companionship for them.  If your mother and sister are stressful to you imagine how much more stressful they are to your grandparents who don’t have the mental distraction of a full-time job.  I am certain that they love and worry about all their children and grandchildren.

I second the idea of a laptop for them as a gift. If they don’t feel comfortable with the technology then put them on a phone plan.  It will make keeping in touch easier.  You sound like a saint for helping your mother and your sister.  My niece has borderline personality disorder and was diagnose with seven mental disorders when she was three years old.  My sister and brother-in-law had no relief unless my mom and I would look after their daughter. It was exhausting since we couldn’t think like her to avoid what situations would set her off.  I can only imagine how important you are to your mom and sister.  Please don’t be angry with them, if they could they would choose to be mentally stable. 

Please be happy for your grandparents.  They are doing what is best for their health.  Keep them posted about your wedding planning until they can get back  for your wedding.  They will appreciate hearing from you and let them know that you will miss them but you support them in their move.  Maybe you could visit them in Florida?

 

Post # 7
Member
1414 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Cheekie0077:  I don’t really have any advice but I am so sorry you are going through the anticipated loss of your dear grandparents moving and the loss involved in your mother and sister becoming emotionally ill. You will get through it easier and better than you think. Concentrate on the small joys of the holiday season without expectations and maybe the next couple months will hold even bigger joys. Hugs!

Post # 8
Member
1457 posts
Bumble bee

Cheekie0077:  Oh sweetheart I’m so sorry. My mother has been struggling with anorexia and a severe anxiety disorder her whole life so I know what that’s like. But, look at it this way, this will probably prolong your grandparents life, so while they won’t be as close, they’ll be in your life longer! I know it’s so much easier said than done, but just try to enjoy your holidays and think about how lucky you are to have people in your life that you care SO much about that the thought of being without them sends you into hysterics. Not many people get to experience a love that strong!

Post # 9
Member
3020 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

I’m so sorry you’re going through this! Both of my parents are mentally ill, so I feel you. 

But… I just have to say this, my best friend’s parents live in Florida and she’s in Pennsylvania (right next door to you!) She flies down to see her parents multple times a year, basically whenever she has enough vacation time and money saved up. It doesn’t seem like a very big deal for her. If you want, I can ask her which airlines she uses, if she’s part of a frequent flier club, how she budgets for it, etc. and pass it onto you… 

You could also buy them an iPad and set it up with FaceTime! I think tablets are easier than computers for oldsters since the touch screens are very intuitive. My father-in-law remarried a Swiss woman and spends half the year overseas, so we did that for him, and it’s just like hanging out normally! We saw each other for the first time in… I think almost a year, but it didn’t occurr to Darling Husband or I that that much time had passed. 

Post # 13
Member
11617 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

Cheekie0077:  oh sweetie… I’m so sorry. I wish I had advice that would make you feel better, but your story evoked memories of when my beloved grandparents moved away to Florida and OMG, I sobbed like a child the last day at their house, the house where we had Christmas with all of my cousins, etc. 

plus you are dealing with the heart break of your sister and mom’s illnesses, and the rage of the selfishness those illnesses inflict on others who need them. 

Boy, I can relate to those feelings. So here’s a big e-hug, and ears for listening if you need to talk (pm). I hope you can enjoy this holiday with them, focus on the joy of having such wonderful grandparents and try not to think of things you can’t change right now. Just make memories. 

 

 

Post # 15
Member
1987 posts
Buzzing bee

Cheekie0077:  I don’t have any words of advice, but I just want to let you know I am sorry you are going through this and I hope that you are really able to treasure the holidays with your grandparents before they move.  I also wish you continued strength as you continue to work through the combination of sadness and irritation that your mother and sister have created for you.  *hug*

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