(Closed) Very Small vs. Avg Size Wedding – Which would you choose?

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Very Small Wedding (45) or Average Size Wedding (115)
    Very Small Wedding (45) : (37 votes)
    54 %
    Average Size Wedding (115) : (32 votes)
    46 %
  • Post # 3
    3765 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: February 2013

    I wanted to have a big, fun wedding. I wanted to be able to have everyone we wanted with us: family, friends, etc, and I didn’t want to worry about cutting the list.

    Also, big weddings run in both DH’s family and my very large family, so I don’t think a small one was ever in the realm of possibilities for us.

    Post # 4
    1784 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    @xo_lovebug_xo:  We chose partially based on budget and also based on how many people we actually cared if they could be there. We thought we would be at 85 and are at 123 for the final guest list. Not sure how many will actually show. 🙂

    Post # 5
    7901 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

    I don’t really think 45 is very small. I think 10 is very small. We chose based on budget, the guests our parents hoped to invite and the guests we wanted to invite.

    Post # 6
    524 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    We decided to have a wedding we could afford even if every person on our guest list RSVP’s yes.  We’re inviting around 120 and think about 80 will say yes.  If we’d wanted to do something fancier and more formal, we would have had to invite far fewer people.

    If budget isn’t a concern, I’d probably invite everyone you want to invite.

    If budget is a concern AND you don’t care about inviting all 145, go with the smaller wedding.

    If budget is a concern BUT you still want to invite everyone, you’ll have to scale back your plans, get married on a Friday/Sunday, do a brunch, do just a dessert reception, etc.

    Just some general things to think about!

    Post # 7
    1311 posts
    Bumble bee

    I want a small wedding because I want everyone there to be someone who counts.  I want everyone in attendance to be important to SO and/or me.  The last thing I want is to be congratulated on my wedding day by people I don’t actually know or haven’t seen in years – that’s my bottom line.  I have a huge family and my mom is the huge party type (she’d invite everyone she and I have ever met if I gave her free reign over the guest list) so there’s a bit of tension…but we’re financing our wedding ourselves, so we get all the say.  SO’s on the same page as me.

    I also do think it’s kind of silly to spend a ton of money on one day, so that was a factor.  But we can afford a large party – it’s just that neither of us want to. (Actually, we’d rather spend more on the honeymoon!)

    Post # 8
    12247 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2013

    Ours was going to be 150 people, but we decided we’d rather save the money and get married a year earlier! So we had 42 guests.

    Post # 9
    346 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 2013

    We invited 80 and had 63 guests attend. It was the perfect amount for us. We wanted enough people to fill the dance floor but it still felt intimate enough where we could talk to everyone and enjoy eating, dancing and all the fun of the wedding itself.

    We choose based on budget and those on our must invite list (immediate family, aunts and uncles and very close family friends). If we expanded our lists it would get very trickey because my husband has a lot of extended family and our invite list would have been close to 300. Our dilemma was either to have a larger wedding or to have this guest count with higher end details and vendors. We were both happy with our decision to go with the smaller wedding.

    I think it depends on your budget and what you want for your big day. My sister had a much larger wedding because she always wanted a big party. 

    Post # 10
    10453 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: February 2014

    I wanted a big fun party so a small wedding never even crossed my mind. We invited 180ish, with 150 attending. 

    Post # 11
    758 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2014 - Our Backyard/Steakhouse

    We chose small because we wanted the people there who were closest to us.  I am of the mind that you only invite people you would voluntarilyn take out for dinner.  IE, my best friend, absolutely I’d pay for her dinner.  My old neighbour from 25 yrs ago, while it would be nice to see them I’m not going to cover their bill.


    Essentially, thats what a wedding is…you’re taking everyone out to dinner to celebrate your wedding.

    Out guestlist is 24 people


    Post # 12
    1649 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 2015

    @xo_lovebug_xo:  I chose very small. We’ll probably wind up with a small wedding of around 80 invited guests and we’ll likely do that for a few reasons:

    1. Budget

    2. We don’t know too many people we would want to invite

    3. I don’t like being the center of attention. It makes me really uncomfortable

    Post # 13
    1063 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2014

    We went with average (inviting ~150, expecting 80-100).  It was very important to both of us and our parents that we include our extended families, and we have ~20 cousins each. 

    Post # 14
    2223 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2015

    The most important thing for us is having everyone we love there to celebrate, and because we both come from decent sized families and have a large friend group, the small thing just isn’t going to happen. It’d be nice, though!

    Post # 15
    271 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    It’s all about your priorities.  I want a lot of people at my event, so I am cheaping almost everything else I can to ensure everyone who wants to come will be there.  If only 45 people show up, there isn’t anything else I can do.  Just be sure to get an understanding of price per person before you determine a final guest list.

    Post # 16
    3586 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: January 2000

    @xo_lovebug_xo:  I’m not planning a wedding, but the kind of party I like is made up of a few people in a gorgeous, upscale venu, the  kind of place that makes everyone feel luxe and (hate this word!) special. It’s fun to feel among the privelged few!

    So I don’t think that a party with a cast of hundreds is interesting, and I don’t feel much of an honored guest among the hundreds. In these situations I truly feel that I am there to occupy a seat, that I am providing an audience for The Show that is made up of The First Dance, The Long Dull String of Toasts, The Garter Toss and etc.

    These kinds of events remind me too much of obligatory work-related dinners.

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