(Closed) Very small wedding, family not invited, how to break the news?

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
146 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@vburns:

If they flat out ask you just tell them that you and your Fiance have chosen to have a small wedding and due to space restrictions you can only invite immideate family. 

Is it possible to have a larger more casual reception?  Or a backyard bbq later on for the family that was not invited?  That way they feel included, you can recycle some of your decorations and your budget won’t go through the roof.

Post # 4
Member
1944 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

Well our wedding was only 15 people so even more were not included. We just explained by word of mouth. I never dreamed of a fairytale wedding and we were building a home so we chose to pool our savings towards that. Most understood, some didn’t. We didn’t do a larger reception afterwards so people could feel included; it’s not about them but about us. If you choose to do so that’s fine but don’t feel obligated. Just be open and honest with them.

Post # 5
Member
34 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I just sort of let it be known verbally. We have aunts and uncles who are not invited. Counsins are not invited. We each invited one friend plus that person’s spouse. It’ll be under 30 people including us. Some people are not happy. And I figure that’s ok, it’s just one day.

We are not having a party after.

Good luck!

Post # 6
Member
8 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2012

My Fiance and I are having a similar debate, it’s hard when people tell you to “have your dream day” but then get upset when they realize your “dream day” doesn’t involved 200 people.

I think you need to be upfront and honest. Otherwise it’s going to make it more difficult for you. It’s completely legitamate to have a smaller wedding, and although they might initially feel hurt, it’s extremely rude if they make you feel bad for it.

I don’t think that you have to have a bbq for everyone afterards – although if you want to go for it – but I do think it’d be nice to record the ceremony so you can share it with your family and friends afterwards. A lot of the videographers I’ve seen create a 3-5 minutes “highlights” video that you can post on youtube and facebook and stuff. You could send that to your family and say “We were thinking of you on our wedding day, and wanted to share this video with you. Can’t wait to get a chance to get together to tell you more about it!” That way they’ll know you love them and want to see them.

Just be strong and confident when you tell them, and it’ll be fine. Don’t let anyone make you feel bad for having your day the way you want it!

Post # 7
Member
258 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I am in the exact same situation as you. The only difference is that we’re having 30 guests instead of 40. I was hoping that my mom and dad would sort of spread the word to their brothers and sisters when they talk about the wedding, but all they say is “just so you know, it’s going to be a very small wedding”. I had thought about emailing them all or something, but then that seems rude to email someone to say they aren’t invited. Then again, my parents all told them the date and I don’t want them booking time off work for a wedding they aren’t invited to. I feel stuck. Hopefully someone has some good suggestions!

Post # 8
Member
21 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2012

My Fiance and I have the same issue. If we were to invite both of our families, there would be nearly 120 people there … and that is before friends. Our venue holds only 80 comfortably. So, needless to say we are having to make cuts. We are inviting mostly friends and a few family members that we are closest with in addition to our parents and siblings.

So far, we haven’t really had anyone that hasn’t been understanding about it. We’ve been up front about the accomodations and the size of the wedding.  I think that really is your best bet. We are going to be sending out announcements after the wedding with a link to photos and videos from the wedding so that those that couldn’t attend know that they weren’t forgotten on our special day.

Like everyone else has said here, though, you have to remember that it is your day. Don’t be made to feel guilty for having the wedding that you want. Feelings might be hurt initially, but they’ll come around. 🙂

Best of luck to you and your fiance.

Post # 9
Member
10 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2012

In the exact same boat. In my case, my mom is the one getting ‘attacked’ by the rest of the family cause they’re not invited, I’ve instructed her on what to say:

“I know, I really hate that she can’t invite everyone but I have to respect their wishes. I want to see my daughter happy & if this is what want, then they will have my support all the way”

By her saying this it redirects their hurt feeling (at least it SHOULD) and that way they can come to me with their ‘concerns’, which they won’t.

I have ALWAYS wanted a small, intimate wedding, only with the people that are closest to me.

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