(Closed) Very tempted to tell him I know he has the ring…

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
Post # 2
Member
10513 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

I was with my Fiance for 7 years before he proposed and he had the ring for 6 months (he told me when he bought it) before proposing. It was 100% worth the wait. And honestly, looking back it doesn’t really matter if he proposed in January or July. A few months doesn’t make a big difference in the grand scheme of things.

He has the ring, he wants to propose, let him do it in his own time and his own way.

Post # 3
Member
848 posts
Busy bee

That’s really a tough situation- how do you know he has the ring? did you find it on accident?

Part of me is saying be patient and stop obsessing about it and let him have him moment of glory, but another part of me is super annoyed (along with you) that he’s had it for so long and done nothing. But I guess I feel that if you want to spend your life with someone you want that life to start right away, why keep waiting?

I think you need to have a sit down with him and just ask him where his head is, don’t bring up that you know he has the ring, but try to get some sort of timeline so that you aren’t so stressed about it.

Good luck bee! HUGS!

Post # 4
Member
1304 posts
Bumble bee

 

I don’t think you should come out and say “I know you have the ring!” but maybe something along the lines of “hey, i know big changes (or major decisons or whatever) are hard for you (make you anxious, make you nervous, etc) but i just want to let you know we’re a team and i love you”

Something along those lines that let’s him know that this is a big decision to be made together without ruining his chance at proposing on his terms.

Post # 5
Member
3607 posts
Sugar bee

I think he’ll be really sad and deflated (for lack of a better word lol) if you tell him you know he has it. I’m sure it’s killing you, but be patient and let him have his moment.

Post # 6
Member
9528 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

View original reply
hikingbride:  +1!! From someone who was also with their SO over 7 yrs before the proposal and who knew exactly where the ring was hiding in the kitchen for 6 weeks or so. Sooo worth the wait. Let him have this.

Post # 7
Member
63 posts
Worker bee

It could be that he’s waiting to take you somewhere special to propose and this may not be the right time of year or he could be waiting to do it on a date that has significance in your relationship. I wouldn’t tell him that you know he has the ring cause chances are that would just crush him.

Post # 8
Member
1688 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

I couldn’t handle it. Under no circumstances am I suggesting that you do this, but I’d probably put it on and make sure he saw me wearing it. Watching him freak out would be hilarious. Remember the look on Ross’s face when he saw Rachel wearing the ring after she had Emma? 

Post # 9
Member
698 posts
Busy bee

Please, Please, Please do not tell him you know about the ring. My hubby says that it literally would have broke his heart/ruined everything in his mind if I knew about him buying/having the ring.

 

It will happen in time. Just be yourself … AND on your BEST behavoir! 🙂

Post # 10
Member
739 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

Everyone goes crazy during the wait, especially when the ring is there!, but I wouldn’t say it straight out at all. Why not mention an article about men proposing that you read and how you would rather a more straight forward approach or something that gives him a very bright green light 😊

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 9 months ago by  emmmmru.
Post # 11
Member
247 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

I get really annoyed for the ladies on here who are stuck waiting. It doesn’t seem fair to you. I guess I am more modern and think it should be a mutual decision. I let me fiance plan his proposal, but he knew that once he had the ring that I wouldn’t be happy if he made me wait. I think he proposed within a week of getting the ring. If he bought the ring then he knows he wants to marry you. I would bring it up if I knew, but thats just my personality. 

Post # 12
Member
1111 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
faina9286:  I agree with others – let him have his moment! I was with my now husband for 7 years before he proposed! He had the ring for 3 months before it went on my finger (we designed it, he told me when he talked to my parents and what my Mom’s reaction was when she saw the ring – torture!!!) We had a big trip to Australia planned to visit his sister and he waited until the 3rd last day to propose! I had to sit there, knowing he had the ring in his backpack for 2 1/2 weeks. 

Turns out, he was waiting for us to visit a specific beach that he used to visit as a child. And I arranged our trip so we were visiting it near the end of our vacation. Silly me!

Post # 13
Member
346 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Awww dont! Let it be a surprise for you.  I had no idea he had already bought the ring but we did discuss buying a ring so I knew it was on his mind.  Like PP I waited 9 years and the night he proposed was absolutely one of the most special and wonderful days of my life, I even put it as a more special day than our wedding.  Please let him do it when he wants, you have no idea what he’s planning and don’t spoil that for yourself.  I know your anxious and just want to be engaged already but let that moment be special to both of you!

Post # 14
Member
70 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

I also really feel your pain, a 6-year waiting bee here. I blew it, got drunk one night and started crying that he was never going to propose, and if he didn’t want to marry me he should just leave. He pulled out the ring and proposed then. It’s funny in retrospect but if I had to do it over, I’d have waited and said nothing. So clench your teeth and take deep breaths, the waiting will be worth it in the end. Don’t ruin your own surprise like I did.

Post # 15
Member
484 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

Completely don’t agree with all the PPs saying to let him have his moment. You are entering a lifetime partnership, not seeing him in a play. You should be able to have weird/awkward/hard conversations. And yes, you should be able to convey to him, “I don’t need this to be perfect, I just want a commitment. How are you feeling about that?” And then you should talk about timelines and life plans.

Frankly, I don’t understand how you don’t have this conversation. Surely you’ve talked forthrightly about future plans? About careers and kids and living situations and all of that? I feel like even before we were officially engaged, we had talked so much about when we wanted to move to city X, when we might want kids, how we’d want finances split, etc., that getting engaged was just one of many of the plans we had discussed and decided on together. 

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