(Closed) Very torn about eloping vs. the big family wedding. Advice?

posted 7 years ago in Elopement
  • poll: You should...
    Elope in secret! : (3 votes)
    3 %
    Elope but tell the family what you're doing. : (24 votes)
    28 %
    Elope and have a big celebration party when you get back. : (41 votes)
    47 %
    Have the traditional wedding : (19 votes)
    22 %
  • Post # 17
    1088 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    @musician32992:  personally I would save for the big wedding..if you do your research you could find an alternative venue like a park or something and still get to share the day with all your friends and family…you have the rest of your life to vacation alone with your SO but there is no greater feeling than having a wedding with your closest family and friends surrounding you.

    i get the feeling you are trying to convince yourself out of what you really want…envision yourself in 20 years from now reflecting back on your day…which scenario do you think you will regret the most?


    Post # 21
    4464 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: February 2012

    Can you guys elope in Vienna and still wear your princess dress and have a photographer take beautiful pictures? That way you have those memories for yourself. Then after that you can either choose to have a low key celebration at home with everyone or not. 

    Post # 22
    2117 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    I want to add just one more thing. I really don’t want to take over your thread here but I feel really sensitive about this for some reason. I really thought that having all of my family there on the wedding day would make everything worth it but it wasn’t what I thought it would be. I felt very alone with my H the entire wedding even though the wedding was supposed to be focused on us. Everyone was so focused with themselves that I was left out.


    The people who I thought would be helping me didn’t. No one helped me get dressed even though we were all in the same room. They were all worried about themselves and didn’t even care about me. The whole day I had to ask people multiple times for help and I didn’t even get any. My family didn’t even tell me I looked beautiful. No one danced with us at our reception and only a few people came to talk to us. It was horrible. Luckily I had my H because the wedding really was all about them.


    But if I could do it all over again, I would have eloped. There was too much pressure and the ceremony, although intimate could have been more. 


    Post # 24
    622 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    @musician32992:  I had the big dream wedding but truthfully I couldnt afford it and I didnt want to cut out things

    so Im eloping to Vegas, and a few people are coming with me it will be small ceremony I wont be getting dress alone my sister will be there

    and I will have my pictures I have hired a photographer for the day, well 4hrs she will give me a hour and half of before coverage traditional getting ready shots me and him, after our chapel wedding we will have a 2.5 photo shoot around the area… 

    So yea I scraped the 20,000+ wedding and sad sure some days I tear up but I know Im doing the best thing financially, maybe in 10 years we can redo it



    Post # 27
    2117 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    @musician32992:  Thank you, at least someone understands. We are the same way with our families … we get so annoyed with them and you know what, the wedding did not change that. I feel like such a fool that I let their opinions seep in and taint my own. I’m not usually like that. Usually I stick to my guns when I feel a certain way about something. Why couldn’t I do that this time?

    Maybe you will get to do what we didn’t have the guts to do. 

    Post # 29
    2117 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    @musician32992:  Hmm that’s a good question. How big of a celebration would you have? Would it just be at your house or at a restaurant? 

    Post # 31
    6117 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2012

    @musician32992:  I eloped – twice now.  I tried to do the big wedding where our families get to meet and all our random best friends get to meet.  It was hard, people wren’t excited, plus it was really starting to add up cost wise!  Then my father was given a few month to live.  We just scrapped the whole idea and got our deposits back.  It just wasn’t worth it.

    After he passed away and I mourned and life got back to normal, we treated ourselves to a lovely weddingmoon.  We went through so much stress, we just wanted to be taken care of and have someone else do the work.  We got exactly that with an elopement package at a Canadian National Park lodge.  It was perfect!

    Now my family hasn’t seen me get married twice now.  It does not bother them at all.  I know it’s weird (makes you questions what family even means honestly), but looking back at how perfect our wedding day and weddingmoon was – sometimes Plan B is just as good or better!

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