(Closed) Very torn about eloping vs. the big family wedding. Advice?

posted 6 years ago in Elopement
  • poll: You should...
    Elope in secret! : (3 votes)
    3 %
    Elope but tell the family what you're doing. : (24 votes)
    28 %
    Elope and have a big celebration party when you get back. : (41 votes)
    47 %
    Have the traditional wedding : (19 votes)
    22 %
  • Post # 63
    12470 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper

    briabrat, I’m not convinced the real issue  is that the grandmother won’t be happy unless it’s in  a church or that  all the extended family be included, although it’s true she might initially not be. It doesn’t sound as if OP has really approached anyone  on the idea of an intimate or secular ceremony.   She says she’s afraid she won’t have the backbone to stand up for herself, but my guess is that the grandmother would rather be there in the living room without her other children and grandchildren if that’s the only choice she’s given.  

    To me, the bigger  issue  seems to be the focus  on  image and the idea that a small intimate ceremony or the casual beach house party would be  underwhelming and somehow “less than.”  

    musician32992,  It’s true,  I have never  bought into the whole “it’s my day and mine alone” philosophy.  I see weddings as about one another and also  about two families coming together.  

    If you really feel as if you have no family support that is one thing.  I’m just not sure that is really the case here.  You, yourself  mentioned feeling conflicted and that you might  feel sad not to have your family with you.  To be honest, I looked at those photos of the couple in Vienna and I felt the same way as your grandmother does. 

    Post # 64
    135 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: January 2013

    @musician32992:  oh my! Go to AUSTRIA!!! 

    My Darling Husband and I got married back in January. The same week a former colleague (back in oz) got married and spent $78k. Ummm that’s ri-goddamn-diculous. Priorities people!! Anyways, my parents and 1 sister flew over, I have no grandparents left but I had invited 3 very close friends. 2 could make it. We had a few of his pals and partners, his parents and brother. The people in the room are the people who will e in our lives for a very wry long time – that is another good reason to select carefully!

    courthouse and a party. Believe me, that cost us under $5000 and we had the best day and no regret, no financial stress. It was the only way to go! I know we got lucky with distance etc!!

    its your day, but honestly, it’s a lot of money as you said for one day to do the big show!

    good luck xo

    Post # 66
    2440 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    Elope with your fiance, and invite your siblings and parents to come. If they can afford it, great, if not, no big sweat, because you can have a much more casual  bbq reception at home to spread the love. ๐Ÿ™‚

    Post # 69
    38 posts
    • Wedding: May 2013

    We were in a very similar position.  The wedding started getting completely out of hand – the guest list had grown to 200+ people who were confirmed to attend, and I didn’t know half of them.  I was finding myself completely overwhelmed and stressed… it wasn’t fun anymore.  Literally the day before we were going to send our Save the Date’s out, his parents sat us down and gave us an option (they were paying for the wedding).  Either go through with the big wedding, or go “elope” and use the money for an addition on our home instead.  It was a no-brainer.  We were married two weeks after we made the decision.  We had our parents with us – my dad actually married us – and we drove up to Sedona, Arizona (about 2 hours away) and were married among the beautiful red rocks by a small creek.  The 6 of us went and had dinner at one of our favorite restaurants in that town and it was absolutely perfect.  His mom is a photographer and took pictures – so we had everything we “needed.” 


    I wouldn’t change it for anything.  Our wedding was perfect and the most important people were in attendance.  The most important advice I can give is do what’s best for YOU and remember what really matters – you and your future husband ๐Ÿ™‚

    Post # 72
    2440 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    @musician32992:  lol. consider that my gift to you. ๐Ÿ˜€ I’m sure everything is going to be amazing, and I’m so happy for you and your fi for finding your fit in the big wedding machine. ๐Ÿ™‚ I think it’s going to be beautiful!

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