Post # 1
Hi! So my fiance and I will be getting married in May 2020 and we have been talking about our groomsmen/bridesmaids. He has just a couple very close friends and wants to have 5 on his side (one will be my brother). I have 7 people I would like on my side. I don’t really think it’s a big deal to have an uneven number but he is feeling self-conscious that it will look like he doesn’t have any friends (which is not true… he is way more universally likeable than me, haha, I just have more close friends). He is very sweet and says I should have whoever I want to be bridesmaids and that it’s his issue, but I want to consider other options too.
I know some people have female ushers, but I can’t help but feel like they might feel like bad being an usher and not a bridesmaid? Like I almost feel like some people would rather be a guest and enjoy than be like half in/half out. Does anyone have any ideas or advice on this matter? Thank you so much!
Post # 2
7-5 isn’t that uneven so I wouldn’t worry about it. If you have a girl who is good friends with you both, she could walk on his side to balance things. Seriously though, as easy as it is to feel insecure, no guests will care. Here I was thinking you were two to seven like we nearly were.
Post # 3
skunktastic : Haha thanks for the reassurance! I feel like it’s not a big difference at all but it’s good that people agree with me, so I can show him evidence 😉
Post # 4
Like I almost feel like some people would rather be a guest and enjoy than be like half in/half out. Does anyone have any ideas or advice on this matter?
I think most people would rather be a guest than an usher. A bridesmaid is a role of honor, an usher is free labour.
I think your fiance is just going to have to come to terms with this and get over it. I think it would be really unfair on your friendships to cut two close friends because of your fiance’s irrational insecurity. 5 groomsmen is a lot, just remind him of that and tell him most couples don’t have even numbers of friends.
Post # 5
zzar45 : Yeah, that’s definitely what I was thinking. Thanks for the input, I am sure he will come around
Post # 6
I think 5 and 7 works well. Your last two bridesmaids can walk together down the aisle. It won’t look too unbalanced standing during the ceremony, won’t matter one bit once people are at the reception, and if you have a clever photographer they can play around with the photos to make the bridal party just look fun, cohesive and balanced in dynamic photos. But, I also adore my friends, so if my friend was getting married and she told me that her fiance was feeling sad about the numbers (if it truly DEEPLY bothers him), I’d thank her for the invitation for the role of honor and then offer to sit out entirely. Especially rather than being a female usher. I always think usher roles are for obligatory family assignments to people who are either family who aren’t close, or friends who are less preferred.
Post # 7
- Wedding: May 2019 - York, ME
azallie : I totally agree with zzar45! It would rub me the wrong way if I was asked to be an usher instead of a bridesmaid. The only time I ever noticed or thought an uneven bridal party was odd was when the bride had two less BMs than there were GMs, and it only stood out because the groom was a triplet, and the bride didn’t include his sisters in the wedding party. Had she included them, it would have been even so it just seemed weird and intentional to leave them out.
Post # 8
5-7 sounds great! I agree with pps – usher is a consolation prize that no one wants.
Post # 9
azallie : I am having 4 bridesmaids and Fiance is just having his best man. We are both having who we want and don’t care it is uneven. My only worry was that Fiance would feel left out with me having more people but he didn’t care and wanted me to have who I wanted. I too would be a bit put out to be asked as usher and not a bridesmaids. Just rock uneven numbers.
Post # 10
Uneven numbers are fine. It’s a wedding, you’re not stocking Noah’s Ark.
The only time I’ve ever noticed the number of bridesmaids or groomsmen was at a wedding when there were so many bridesmaids that I actually counted them. The bridesmaids’ processional just kept going on, like a clown car. I remember thinking “Did she ask her entire sorority to be in her wedding party?!?!”
For those wondering… 17 bridesmaids.
So as long as you’re not having an abnormally high number of people in your wedding party, I promise that no one will notice if the numbers are uneven.
Post # 11
MsBeer : I’m exactly the same! 4 bridesmaids for me and just the best man for FH. Doesn’t bother us at all 🙂
Post # 12
azallie : When you said “very uneven” I was imagining something like the groom with 2 and you with 12! But 5 and 7? That’s nothing!
Post # 13
misslucy : oh my !! lol
My first thought there is that anyone who thinks they have 17 besties is in for a rude fuckin awakening lol
Post # 14
louiseoxford : yay, glad it’s not just me!!
Post # 15
Not to hijack the thread, but I was planning to ask my two brothers to be ushers. If it matters, FH and I are only having 3 gm and 3 bm. Do bees think they’ll be annoyed with this and would rather be guests or is it different because they’re guys? Honestly asking.