(Closed) Very unsure about getting married now, please help me because I am desperate!!!

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
2335 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

It sounds like your Fiance struggles with some insecurity issues.

It sounds like you guys are having trouble communicating about this, so I would recommend perhaps going to some sort of counseling. It might also be beneficial for him to go to some counseling on his own to work through his insecurity problems.

It’s very difficult to love someone and be in a relationship with them when they struggle to love themselves.

Post # 5
Member
2335 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

@shimo93:  If you are really this unhappy with the relationship, he should at least be willing to try couples counseling with you.

Whether or not counseling is something that *he* thinks is beneficial, it’s something that would clearly be important to you. Relationships are about compromise and working together, and he needs to be willing to do that so that the two of your can work through this.

Post # 6
Member
11343 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

I know someone who used to always accuse her husband of making this face that made her feel like she was an idiot when he looked at her like that. She found it very annoying — until their first baby was born, and this newborn child often made the same expression! It was a great vindication for her husband. I, too, think counseling is needed, since this is not going to go away on its own. In all honesty, the thing that concerns me the most of all you have written is the fact that your Fiance doesn’t believe in counseling. That, in and of itself, is cause for some concern.

Post # 7
Member
427 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@shimo93:  I agree. It can be very difficult and frustrating to love a partner that doesn’t seem to love themselves or has big insecurity issues. But if they are worth it, you just try try and try again. Make a huge effort to flatter him. Sometimes he may act weird and get upset, then take a step back, reassure him that he’s wrong and you love him and then leave him to work through it. This is what I do with my (amazing, seriously inside and out) SO.

Post # 8
Member
1348 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

Just wanted to say that I actually DO give weird looks without knowing. I had a teacher tell me she didn’t appreciate it, I had NO idea what she was talking about and when I said that, 3 or 4 friends all said i’ve done it as long as they’d known me! Not saying you do, but it’s possible to do it without knowing.

From what I read, it sounds like you have a good relationship apart from this issue. Have you tried talking to him, while this is not going on? If you’ve explained to him that you either do not or are not aware of looking at him differently while you’re both calm, and he still continues, i’d absolutely put it down to insecurities with his body. This is an issue he has to work on, the only thing you can really do is support him through it. If he’s unhappy with his body and as a result is behaving like this then he does need to work on it, but I don’t see it as something that can’t be fixed.

If you want to see a therapist, he should be supportive of that, even if he doesn’t believe in them you do, so he should respect and support your attempts to solve this situation.

Post # 11
Member
423 posts
Helper bee

If he absolutely won’t go for counselling then maybe you can go alone and learn how to communicate better with him? From your post it seems you really love this man so if Mohammed won’t go to the mountain…also, he might see how counselling is bettering your relationship so maybe that’ll encourage him to participate in it? Just a thought.

Post # 12
Member
4687 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2013 - Upstate NY

I’m a teacher and can vouch for the idea that some people give “dirty” weird looks when they’re being pensive. One girl did it so much, and I took it personally.. then I realized it’s just how she is!

Still, Fiance sounds way insecure.

Post # 13
Member
2440 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

:-/ I think you should talk to him again, when you guys are both in a good mood, and tell him that you honestly don’t know what looks he’s talking about. Hand him a cheapo disposable camera and have him put it in an accessable place in your home. Tell him that from now on, if he sees you giving him weird looks, instead of gettin upset all by himself, he should try to get some photographic evidence (like you’re the lock ness monster or big foot)

 

You’ll know when he thinks you’re doing this, he’ll have something lighthearted to distract him from it, and when the camera is full, you can drop it off to get the pictures developed and have a laugh over it.

Post # 14
Member
2440 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

ps- not at all to undermine your feelings, your fi’s, or how serious this issue is to you, but this makes me think of an episode of Friends. πŸ™‚

The topic ‘Very unsure about getting married now, please help me because I am desperate!!!’ is closed to new replies.

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