(Closed) very upset :( my family= 30 guests allowed vs grooms family= 370 guests

posted 8 years ago in Reception
Post # 17
Member
224 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

They realize this is not a family reunion right? Why is this so important to FSIL? And how on earth do they have that many people to invite. I cant even think of that many and my DH has a huge family.

Post # 18
Member
533 posts
Busy bee

My god. Sorry to hear you are dealing with this! Both our parents are helping us out a lot, neither side have pushed us. Told us to do what we want, it’s our day.

If this is causing so much drama, I’d decline the money and do what you want!

Post # 19
Member
332 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I agree with others… this isn’t okay at all? They flat out told you that you weren’t able to invite more? If they want to pay for that many people that’s on them but that shouldn’t mean your side gets cut like that. If that’s the case their side should be cut down too.

Post # 21
Member
224 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Is there any way they can maybe pay for a photographer of your choice and the dj of your choice? Then you can pay them back for a portion of the food or all of it and then you can have a say?

Post # 23
Member
1719 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

Um i’m thinking of the math and since you are paying for a third of the wedding at least a third of the guest list should be yours which is 120 not 30!!! I am so mad for you, if it were me I would tell Future Sister-In-Law to shove it and go elope.  This is half your wedding and half FI’s wedding, if he wants to hand his half over to his family then thats fine but you need to stick up for your half.  This your day no FSIL’s.

Post # 24
Member
914 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Tell them they can have the wedding they want. You and Fiance won’t be there because you’ll be off having YOUR wedding.

Post # 26
Member
224 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Who is ordering invites? Who is sending them out? Have they given you a guest list? Does Fiance know all of them? If not eliminate most of the ones you do not know. Add the people you want to even out that number.

Post # 27
Member
3313 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

You have 2 choices in this matter.  Either you cave and settle for the wedding they want with no input from you and hardly any of your family/friends there, or you put your foot down and let them know that if they can’t compromise then they won’t be contributing.  I don’t see it as being disrespectful to tell them thank you but no to the money.  They can’t have it both ways!  THEY are the ones being disrespectful here.  

Post # 28
Member
726 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I think weddings set the tone for the relationship between families. If he lets his family disrespect yours like this, I highly doubt it’ll get any better/easier down the line. Because people will treat you in any way they can get away with. This is not setting a good precedent. He needs to have a talk with his family and stop caving and leaving you in the middle to try and make things fair.

 

Post # 29
Member
2977 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

OP: 2 choices.

A. Keep your mouth shut and live with regret for the rest of your life for not growin’ some big old bridal balls and kicking that FSIL’s ass for ruining your wedding, disrespecting your family, and disrespecting you and your Fiance. How are you going to tell your mother, “hey ma, I GET 30 PEOPLE! At my OWN wedding! Yeah!”? Sounds crazy. Is crazy. 

B. Grow said bridal balls and put the wencharella in her place! Don’t take the money. Figure out how to have your own wedding, not their family reunion. 

I like option B, personally. 

 

Post # 30
Member
1038 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@justcurious333:  Wait….food costs 40K????

 

 

Seriously though, this is YALL’S wedding, not theirs.  That is just not cool at all.  You HAVE to talk to them and tell them that it is your wedding and they can help pay if they want to but to only allow you, the BRIDE to have 30 guests for your side of the family is a tremendous insult to you. Unleash your inner bridezilla on them(the only time I would endorse being one, lol).

 

Stuff like that would drive me to just elope(and make sure my parents were there).  I’m so sorry they are treating you this way.

Post # 31
Member
786 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

Its definitely not okay. Having said that, unfortunately, the one who pays is the one who gets to decide how the wedding is going to go. Often times, the situation works out great and the payers hand off most of the control to the bride and groom. But in this case, sounds like your FIL’s are very much into making this their own party.

As it stands, based upon your contribution and theirs, you are paying for a 1/3 of the wedding. If you’re having 400 guests, you are paying for 130 of those 400. You can either 1) completely decline your FIL’s contribution of 40,000, in which case you would be free to do anything you’d like but would need to change your plans signifigantly. Or, you can tell your FIL’s that you are not comfortable paying for 100 of their guests and they’ll need to cut their list down by 100 (feel free to do the math for them in front of them so they get it).

I would be pretty straightforward and factual with them if you choose the latter.

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