Member- This Time Round
- 9 years ago
- Wedding: December 2012
First off (( HUGS )) because I know this is tough on you… and you are right, I could not even imagine telling your Mom that things are shaping up so that there is hardly anyone from your / her side going to be involved.
So, I agree with the others YOU HAVE TO SPEAK UP.
This certainly looks more like a Family Reunion to me than a Wedding (unless it is the “wedding that your Future In-Laws never had”) *Rolls Eyes*… a thing that has been known to happen to young Brides (altho it usually is the MOB who goes hog wild crazy)
Honestly, as an Encore Bride who was in a very poor marriage the first time, RED FLAGS and ALARM BELLS are going off for me in regards to this situation… as someone else said there is bad precedent being set here.
1- Your Future Hubby is allowing his family to run rough-shod all over HIS and YOUR Wedding. They seem very controlling… and I really disliked the part where you said they attacked him as being disrespectful when he was planning on doing the paying (not disrespectful at all… in that instance he was being a man and stepping up to his obligations of organizing his Wedding)
2- NOW though, the dynamic has changed. He needs to speak up, and make it clear that the currrent plans ARE NOT OK as they stand. A marriage is a bringing together of TWO families, not just one
3- If he doesn’t speak up… then this is extremely worrysome for me. It shows he does allow his family to run rough-shod over things… if this is the reality NOW, it may as well be the reality 5, 10 or 20 years from now. Marriages are hard enough… and many couples have “issues” with the Inlaws… you don’t want a marriage that is this way before the Vows are even spoken. And you certainly don’t want to be in one where Mommy Dearest is going to call all the shots after you guys are married !!
4- As someone else said, your Hubby-2-B and you need to have more say in this Wedding… as it is YOUR DAY. It is the event that binds you together, and will be something you will remember forever… it shouldn’t be a BAD Memory or disrespectful to either of you individually, or to the other’s family. It is meant to be a joyous celebration.
5- The Guest list should be divided up more fairly. With proportion of the Invites going to BOTH Families and also to you as a couple. It shouldn’t be all one sided like it is now. You are 50% of the marriage, but currently only seeing 8% (30/370) of the Invitations… that is disgraceful !! Either you should get more of the Invites (say 1/3+1/3+1/3 = 123 to all 3 groups) OR the wedding should be smaller and something that you and your Fiance can afford on your own and be more intune with what YOUR Wedding should be about… and not a vision of your MIL’s / Inlaws.
6- And well quite honestly IF some of these things weren’t to happen… I’d be bowing out on the whole affair.
If the Inlaws cannot see that what they are doing is disrespectful… I’d be planning to elope.
And if Hubby-2-B can’t see that either, or stand up for you in this situation, then I’d be telling him that you need time to rethink all this Wedding thing… and take a break.
Because, as I said… if he and you aren’t on the same page, and he is quite willing to have his family direct the show and push their agenda, you can be certain that this issue will raise its ugly head in your marriage too. And that my dear (as someone who has been there) is a brutal mess to be in, when a man revokes his role as partner in favour of being a son.
Trust me when I say, YOU DO NOT WANT TO GO DOWN THAT ROAD !!
