(Closed) very upset :( my family= 30 guests allowed vs grooms family= 370 guests

posted 9 years ago in Reception
Post # 47
14055 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

No, it’s not fair.  That’s so unbalanced.  I think you need to sit down with your Fiance and tell him how hurtful this is, and have him talk to his mother about balancing it a little bit more.  My family is paying the majority of the wedding, and we’re paying the rest, and our invitations are split 55% my family and 45% his — and it’s only not 50/50 because I have a huge family and couldn’t cut any others.

Post # 48
7772 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

You don’t have to not have your wedding. Use your $20k and plan a wedding without their interference. At this point, they deserve no more than you guys running off an eloping without them so you even inviting them to a wedding is a blessing for them.

Post # 49
46 posts
  • Wedding: January 2017

I’m really sorry your in-laws are like this. 🙁 I think it was definitely the right decision for you and your Fiance to tell his parents to take a hike, and I’m so glad that your fiance stood up for you and supported you in this.

If it makes you feel any better, I’m in Australia too, and our wedding budget is about $25K, (for 90 guests), so you definitely can get a decent wedding without the $40K bill. As long as it is what makes you and your Fiance happy and comfortable, that’s what counts. Hopefully this is your only big hiccough, and you have a nice uneventful planning ride from here on. 🙂


Post # 50
1301 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I think eloping is a great alternative.  Hang in there.  I’m glad your fiancé stuck up for you.

Post # 51
80 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

they sound like really nasty selfish people- if i was you, i would have a really small ceremony.. with close family and friends- and use your 20k for the most amazing unforgetable honeymoon ever!

Post # 53
220 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2005

Stick to your guns!  Good for you and Fiance standing up for your wedding.  I think the Future In-Laws would bring lots of drama to the wedding itself! 

I think a wedding in Florence, Italy sounds AMAZING.  And, with $20,000 you could each bring a very special person or couple to share in your vows.

Keep us posted!  Good luck

Post # 54
586 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I’m sorry they are being so rude to you. It was very good that you and your Fiance agreed and talked to his parents though their reaction was ridiculous. See what you guys can do with the 20k you are spending. I’m sure you can figure out how to have the wedding of your dreams. Give it some time and maybe your Future In-Laws will understand what they did was too far.

Post # 55
501 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

A Destination Wedding or Elopement sounds like a great alternative for you. 20k will take on an awesome honeymoon! Get your dress and have a first dance and cake, and do all that you want. You guys will have a wonderful wedding and wonderful marriage. Don’t second guess yourself for sticking up for the both of you. /it sounds like you have a great Fiance too. It may get harder before it gets easier, but stand your ground while being respectful and you guys will be very happy in the end.

Post # 56
505 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I am so glad to hear that you and your Fiance stood up for your wedding.  Best of luck and please keep us posted.

Post # 57
6244 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 1900

Not okay! 

My parents are giving us a significant amount of money towards the wedding.  His parents are not.  We still invited roughly the same amount of guests from both sides.

I can see if they get to invite a few more than your side, but 30/370? No.

ETA: Just found your update.  Good for you two for sticking together like a team.  Fiance and I had to recently deal with an issue regarding his mother and the wedding.  We teamed up and basically told her that bottom line, it’s OUR wedding and we will be holding the wedding that WE want.  It felt good to work together with Fiance as a team.  Yay for you and your Fiance doing the same!

Post # 58
2333 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Lucky to get 30?  WTF!

Is your Fiance upset by this, too?  I think you should talk to him about how this wedding is much larger than what you want.  Then start planning a smaller wedding for 20K and invite people you want from both sides of the family (FMIL not included….kidding, kind of).  I don’t think you should accept her money if she is going to control the decisions like this.

Post # 59
3567 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Wow a big mess. Just read your updates. Don’t have Destination Wedding unless that is truly what you want. I think you realize once you cut at least three hundred of their guest down that the wedding will be way cheaper. I think you guys can host your own wedding without their help and you be in firm control of the guestlist.

The fact that they are so cruel to as to say you lucky you get 3o guest to YOUR WEDDING blows my mind. Both of you should let these people know by your actions that you won`t be bullied or pushed around. Good luck!

Post # 60
76 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I say it’s your wedding too.  You should be able to have who you want there as well.  How selfish of them not to consider what would make you happy on the big day too!  I say it’s great that they want to help but it’s rude for them to think that you owe them the sacrifice of giving up the many you’d like to invite and therefore you didn’t share your big day with the people who were also important to you.  You could have just eloped and invited just your close family if that all you really wanted.  But you wanted to have a WEDDING that included what you wanted too and they should keep that in mind.  Plain rude in my opinion.  And Good! he should be backing you up and telling his family that you’d like to invite more people for your side as well because….it should matter to him to make you happy too.  But ultimately what only matters is that you get to marry a man who loves you.  A small ceremony is beautiful and intimate and brings such a warmth of love because it included only those who truly truly mattered.  Good luck and best wishes!

Post # 61
988 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Good on you!  I was getting frustrated just reading your posts, let alone living it.  I hope you and your Fiance are able to have a wonderful day, no matter the size.

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