(Closed) very upset :( my family= 30 guests allowed vs grooms family= 370 guests

posted 8 years ago in Reception
Post # 77
Member
34 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2013

that’s horrible! I’m sorry you’re going through this… just because they are paying for it doesnt mean they get to tell you who to invite or not to invite. Thats just crazy! hopefully these are 300 people you know 🙂 hope it all works out 

Post # 78
Member
384 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2004

sorry i just read your update. Thats so rude and im so sorry again. If it helps im in Australia and the Mr and I are paying for our own wedding and honeymoon with no help and together costing $24k

Post # 79
Member
295 posts
Helper bee

umm why are you having a 60,000 dollar wedding first of all.

SECOND, if you are paying less you should be inviting less people but 30 vs 370 is absolutley ridiculous.

they should be embarrassed.

Why cant you say anything? Is this the 1800’s?

speak up and say that it needs to be 50/50 or at least 60/40

 

crazy

Post # 80
Member
295 posts
Helper bee

why dont you take the $20,000 you were going to spend on YOUR portion and have your OWN wedding. you can easily have a 150 person wedding for that price.

 

there is no reason to hve to spend 60,000 on a wedding.

Post # 81
Member
100 posts
Blushing bee

It certainly isn’t okay! I had a very similar situation with my in-laws. Speak your mind or you’ll be setting up a pattern of behavior that will continue after the wedding. You don’t want this happening at your kid’s first bday party, etc.

 

 

Post # 82
Member
1575 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@yellow7404:  Totally agree.

A very nice wedding can be done for 20K! And the loss of a posh reception will be well worth the price when it comes to future dealings with the in-laws. Y’all showed some spunk -good for you!

Post # 83
Member
814 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

You will definitly regret not saying something. Do it.

Post # 84
Member
1900 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I’m sure you’ve had enough of everyone telling you the same thing, so I’m gonna chime in with something slightly different! I had a similar experience with my Future In-Laws – Future Mother-In-Law basically doubled her guestlist, then said they were going to pay for any extras, so we “couldn’t argue with it” (but it meant we couldn’t have the venue we were looking at because of capacity limits).

Initially, I was horrified of telling my mum about it, because she was excited about the venue and I didn’t want to colour her opinion of my Future In-Laws, but eventually I caved and told her what was going on.
Mum was incredibly supportive! She understood that Future Mother-In-Law was being pushy and Fiance wasn’t really trying to stand up to them – she had actually been in a similar position organising her own wedding! To have someone on my side (in real life) saying they would help and support me as much as possible to have the wedding I wanted. It’s been a huge turning point in helping me plan for my wedding next year!

Post # 85
Member
9950 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Ok for the 2 Posters who have made the negative comments about having a $ 60,000 Wedding…

“Why are you having a $ 60,000 dollar wedding first of all”

That isn’t relative to the topic at hand…  and really quite RUDE towards other Bees here in the Hive, IMO

This topic, is strictly about how this dear Bee isn’t getting a say on how many Guests her side gets to Invite to the Wedding.

For the record, there is nothing wrong with someone having a BIG Wedding (many Bees do), so to say things in a derogatory fashion about a BIG Wedding is just as offensive here on the Hive as it is to say something truly negative about someone having a small Wedding … or an Elopement.

Brides choose Weddings that they are comfortable with… and can afford (be that money put up by the Couple, the Brides Family, the Grooms Family, or a combination of all of them)

To make my point futher… price isn’t relative in this equation, BECAUSE if this Bride was having a HUGE Wedding and there were no issues with her Inlaws, then this wouldn’t be a topic at all.

The issue here is about the fact that the Inlaws aren’t willing to share the Guests, because they are paying for the meal etc (not because of HOW MUCH they are paying)… so the Bride’s dilemma would be the same whether there were 40 OR 400 Guests, $ 6000 or $ 60,000 being spent.

Perhaps, we can stay on track with that thought, rather than bring in issues that don’t relate to the topic, and are potentially offensive / demeaning to other Bees.

 

 

 

Post # 86
Member
304 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

To those of you commenting on the cost, I assume the OP is talking in AUSTRALIAN dollars as she said she will be getting married in Australia. In that case $60,000AU for a wedding of 300 people would be fairly standard. 

Just try to remember people – different countries -> different currencies. You can’t compare. 

 

 

Post # 87
Member
1900 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@miss_blondie86:  Exactly. A $60,000 wedding is only a little over the Australian average (about $50,000).

Regarding everyone’s advice about returning their money (if you can), it is entirely possible to have a great wedding in Australia for >$20,000. My brother’s wedding was fantastic and only cost $16,000, whereas mine is (so far) shaping up to be about $14,000.

Post # 88
Member
701 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

No way. I would not want 370 people that I didn’t really know oogling me at one of the most intimate moments of my life!

Post # 89
Member
591 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

So ridiculous and I’m sorry your future in-laws don’t see that this wedding is a celebration of you and your fiance and your relationship and committment to eachother.

Gifts, no matter the size, should not come with rules on what to do with them.

Future Sister-In-Law needs to butt the F out.  Why does she care?  it’s not HER wedding.  It’s not the in-laws wedding either.  If they want to throw a 370 person shin-dig they should host a family reunion or vow renewal for themselves.  

Post # 90
Member
1068 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

I am so glad that you said something to your Fiance and that he finally became supportive of your situation. His family is being absolutely ridiculous by any standard.

I hope this works out for you. No matter if you have the wedding of your dreams, you’ll have the marriage of your dreams, I’m sure!

Post # 91
Member
9134 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

Sorry to say it but if this is how your FH deals with his family (i.e. he lets them walk all over you and him) then you are going to have a lot of problems down the road.  What about when you have a child together?  Do they get to name him or her?

You and your FH need to grow some balls (sorry) and say “thanks, but no thanks” and restructure your budget so you’re in charge of your wedding as a couple.  $20,000 is about 4 times the amount of money I have to spend on my wedding so you should be able to do it easily.  I had to do this with my dad because when he gave me a car he held it over my head for years until I finally showed up at the house with the car freshly cleaned and car washed and handed him the keys.  You shouldn’t allow anybody to bully you that way, especially since they’re family and you are both adults.

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