very upset :( my family= 30 guests allowed vs grooms family= 370 guests

posted 7 years ago in Reception
Post # 92
Member
143 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I think I’m so shocked at the $60,000+ price tag for one day to even comment but I’ll try without digressing. If you are helping foot the bill, then  you should be able to invite who you want. I’m not sure if your count is low because you were told by Future In-Laws that 30 something was all you could have or what but they numbers on both sides should be equal or close to equal. I know have the mentality that if someone is helping with the costs then they get the say in the area but at the end of the day  it isn’t there wedding and if they can’t be flexible and go with what you want then don’t accept their money and keep on going with what you want. 

Post # 93
Member
67 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

It’s not OK at all. If you’d known in advance that they would demand so much control as payment for their help then I bet you would have declined it. Your future husband needs to step in and stand up for you too. If you take them on alone then it gives the impression that only you have a problem.

If you are both letting it slide and letting you be bullied by his family now, then this will be the way things will always go from now on. Imagine all the important decisions in your life be controlled by them because they’re helping to pay? Like where your kids go to school and what house you should buy.

You need to stand up to them now or they’ll always walk over you.

Post # 94
Member
143 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@garden_bride:  Completely agree. I’d say take the $20,000 you have to spend and go somewhere awesome and have an intimate ceremony with just you and the Fiance. 

Post # 95
Member
3624 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Good for you for calling off THEIR party masked as your wedding! They sound really evil. I’m surprised your Fiance still keeps in touch with them. If my FI’s parents told him I was lucky to invite 30 people to my wedding, I’d tell him he could choose then or me!

Post # 96
Member
356 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@justcurious333 I’m really glad to hear that your fiance stood up to his parents!!  20,000 is a lot of money, and maybe you lost some of it because of down payments for photographer etc… but you can still have a lovely wedding with the money you have left!  Good for you for not letting them control your wedding! 🙂

Post # 98
Member
1573 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

to justcurious–good for you for speaking up, you know what? I learned in life when you make too many other people happy at your own expense you just make yourself unhappy

 

So great youre sticking to your guns and your fiance siding with you what a unit, you have a keeper,you still can have a beautiful ceremony invite immediate family, and if they don’t want to come that is their loss, they will get over it; you can have better control and it will be more intimate with guests of your choosing

 

good for you sticking up now, because if you caved in you would regret it for the rest of your life, trust me, I have no regrets with our wedding, it was fantastic because I loved every part of it that I planned with my hubby

Post # 99
Member
204 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

Yea! I’m so happy you and your FH took the power back!!

Post # 100
Member
301 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

How awful. I think you should talk about getting in a third of the guests rather than just 30 people.

Post # 101
Member
337 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Thats not okay, its your wedding. I could see if it were a more realistic number like 100, but 30? Thats ridiculous. Your fiance needs to stick up for you and say something

Post # 102
Member
7900 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

This is not okay. As far as family guests go, the rule sould be the same on both side, like both sides get all grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, parents, and siblings, or similar, regardless of number. Then your parents should be extended a certain number of family friends that can be set, like 5 couples (really for sure a big wedding, I’d say more), and you and Fiance should get a certain number of friends. The rest of the guestlist can go back to his parents to do what they want with.

Post # 103
Member
143 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Update us on how things are going and the new wedding plans! I hope things are going more smoothly for you.

Post # 104
Member
2195 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

You just need to say “We are inviting X amount of people” period. Your Fiance needs to back you up.

 

Post # 105
Member
19 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2014 - winery

Yes, this is awful! You have to realize that the bullying isn’t going to end with the wedding. so you have to stand your ground now or it will never happen. I am sure his fam loves you and are excited for you both and they obviously want to have a big party…But this is extremely rude and inconsiderate.  So leverage their excitement and stand your ground. Send them your guest list and pair down theirs. ALso – as the bride- you can proclaim you want a small intimate wedding! If all else fails, I agree with everyone else, if your Fiance loves you, you both have the option of eloping and keep things centered around your new life together and not about his family. 

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